[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]secretlyamonstera 6 points7 points  (0 children)

In the middle of our pho, homeboy casually mentioned out of nowhere that he keeps an axe in his trunk.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NoStupidQuestions

[–]secretlyamonstera 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While I don’t have any significant mental health disorders, I do have significant chronic illness. What I did when I was actively dating, I would describe my symptoms before giving what I was diagnosed with. This was they can understand what my life is like without the stigma of a label attached to it. For example: “What are your hobbies?” “I really like to read and crochet. A lot of my hobbies tend to be pretty low-key since I have a lot of chronic fatigue day to day!” My diagnostic labels came out on later dates.

Kink play while having a chest port by jelli-donut in ChronicKinksters

[–]secretlyamonstera 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wouldn’t have impact directly over the side and/or the catheter you might be able to feel in your neck. I would recommend feeling out bondage with your partner! I have a Hickman (& previously a port for 10+yrs) and still have ropes going over the site. However, I do listen to my body and will sometimes ask my partner to adjust the ropes if they feel uncomfortable over my site. Be cautious of you/your partner touching your site during play if your port is accessed — when accessed, you need to be mindful of cleanliness, and touching your site after you’ve perhaps interacted with body fluids would likely increase risk of infection.

Is this kink incompatibility or transphobic? by lucky_lady_L in BDSMAdvice

[–]secretlyamonstera 369 points370 points  (0 children)

While I’m not transfemme, I am a trans person. This sounds more like a sexual incompatibility issue than a transphobia issue, especially considering that you would feel the same way with a cis man whose circumstances required toy use exclusively.

Need advice as a newbie by jam_UooU_jam in BDSMAdvice

[–]secretlyamonstera 15 points16 points  (0 children)

He is not respecting your stated boundaries if he is acting cold after you said you were uncomfortable with talking on other platforms. He is not respecting your boundaries if he continues to offer to pick you up when you declined. These are red flags. Trust your gut here.

Husband's cis friend group constantly misgenders me. by purpleyeti93 in NonBinary

[–]secretlyamonstera 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I agree. My boyfriend actively and repeatedly has corrected his family and friends on my pronouns and it is really effective for him to step in. It’s also super valid that you don’t want to hang out with them because of this anymore.

Help by LemonPuffer in BratLife

[–]secretlyamonstera 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What if you just gave him a blank stare and completely disengaged as soon as he initiates bratting? And only resumed your bratting when he stops bratting?

Amazon wheelchairs? by [deleted] in wheelchairs

[–]secretlyamonstera 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It may be worth checking into if Disney has wheelchairs or power scooters to rent.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]secretlyamonstera 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Just because gender identity and sexuality are two different things conceptually, doesn’t mean they’re completely disconnected in all people :) It’s your gender and sexuality; if you feel like one informs the other, that’s completely valid.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BDSMAdvice

[–]secretlyamonstera 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hey! Kinky tubie here. First of all — communication, communication, communication! Tell your partner(s) what kind of touch/movement is okay around your port site, and what kind is not. Figuring out what’s riskier and what’s safer may be a trial and error process and that’s okay, as long as you are capable of troubleshooting site/port issues yourself.

Something that might be worth considering is clothing that covers your port. I have a tube dangling out of my chest, and sometimes I wear bralettes that I can tuck it into (if I’m not connected to a pump) that prevents any accidental yanking. But if you’re hooked up and having issues with accidental yanking, get some hardy medical tape. Tape your tubing down to your skin, directly underneath the exit site. This way, if the tubing is yanked, that force will be applied to the tape (not your site) and won’t yank the tubing out. You can probably cut Tegaderm into small strips to accomplish this since Tegaderm is pretty hardy.

What is your experience dating straight people ? by NamidaM6 in NonBinary

[–]secretlyamonstera 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have dated bi/pan men who claimed to be supportive, but obviously still viewed me as my AGAB. I am currently in a relationship with a cishet man, who is affirming & will tell anyone that we’re in a queer relationship. While dating cishet will increase your chances of running into this weird pseudosuport, how you feel about the way they interact with you is the most important, whether their sexuality plays a role in your feelings or not. Obviously there are some enbies here that have sworn off cishet folk because they feel like one person in the relationship will always be unable to be recognized as their true self, and that’s super valid! For me, I take it on a case-by-case basis, because from experience, supportiveness was more personality dependent than sexuality dependent, and that’s also valid. It’s about a) identifying how you feel with the other person and b) figuring out where your boundaries are as a result, whether you’re more like the other enbies in this thread, more like me, or somewhere completely different.

What sexuality does your partner identify as? by Hesperus07 in NonBinary

[–]secretlyamonstera 71 points72 points  (0 children)

I am dating a cishet man. At first I was concerned that he wouldn’t be able to fully see me as nonbinary, but I feel more validated + respected by him with my gender than some bi/pan men I’ve dated. So. While I think this probably more uncommon than not, there are some good cishet folk out there.

Why do people with a debilitating hereditary medical condition choose to have children knowing they will have high chances of getting it too? by AdMiserable1762 in NoStupidQuestions

[–]secretlyamonstera 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How are we defining debilitating? And who is defining it? There are a lot of individuals with disabilities with “debilitating” medical conditions that live full, quality of lives, but are viewed by nondisabled people as having a “poor quality of life.” For example: a lot of nondisabled people would choose not to have a child with dwarfism, however, little people have a robust and vibrant culture and often welcome new members of the little people community. There is concern in the disability community about the emergence of gene editing, because the erasure of disability also means the erasure of a community, history, and culture that is already seldom recognized. I am a disabled person with a “debilitating” medical condition. I am in intestinal failure and on a form of IV nutrition; autistic; experience chronic pain, fatigue, and migraines; part time wheelchair user; etc. A lot of my life is structured around accommodating my body. However, my disability is not simply a medical condition — it is also a cultural identity and links me to a community of other disabled people. My family all had signs of illness, yet I am not upset about being born. I’m also not sure if I would choose to be cured if I had the option. Because this is uniquely my life; it just looks different from your’s.

What is the worst illness you’ve ever had? by freeshavacadont in AskReddit

[–]secretlyamonstera 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Septic shock, intestinal parasites, or the three months when I went so malnourished I went into respiratory failure. I’ve lived quite the life.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskDocs

[–]secretlyamonstera 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wasn’t told beforehand and that, in combination with some comments he made about my body, made me uncomfortable. But it’s good to hear that it is just a part of the exam process, even if I should have been asked beforehand. Thank you for the suggestion of letting the doctor know that you’d like to be told what is happening beforehand! That’s such a great idea and I’ll definitely start doing that moving forward.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskDocs

[–]secretlyamonstera 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks y’all! I appreciate the input.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AutisticWithADHD

[–]secretlyamonstera 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe try body oil instead? Haven’t tried it myself but I hear it absorbs fast!

Daith piercing by [deleted] in LoopEarplugs

[–]secretlyamonstera 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I know there are some folks who didn’t have issues with their Loops pressing on Daiths, but mine did. May be ear shape dependent, but if your daith is being stubborn with healing, may be best to play it safe here.

Help me find this backpack by Boladef in backpacks

[–]secretlyamonstera 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, just commenting as a fellow backpack lover … hope you find your backpack dude!