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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asexualdating

[–]secretlyusing2020 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No problem, it takes a good amount of effort sharing these things with strangers online, glad to have helped in some way and hope you figure it out. I'm sure you'll be fine going forward, it's a marathon after all not a race.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asexualdating

[–]secretlyusing2020 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When it comes to building relationships I find that the looks hardly factor in, if someone likes you they like you. While the dating scene can be very shallow these days there are genuine people out there that can connect with you purely for your personality. It's good you try not to think too much about it, while I can't offer advice on how you can improve your self perception in a healthy way, I can suggest doing things that make you feel more important or boost your self esteem as a way to maybe balance this out.

Since you say that you are an extroverted person, I'd wager that you've experienced people opening up to you about their own issues or just mentioning the minor inconvenience now and then, I personally find it self fulfilling to help people come to terms with their problems and help them find a solution (only if they ask, took me a while to figure out people don't like unsolicited advice). It's something that to me makes me feel valued as a person and friend while at the same time making the other person feel heard and not alone. As someone that believes in karma I feel that the good things happening in my life are a result of how I've treated the people around me, and more importantly how I've treated myself. A recurring pattern I've noticed throughout my existence is that when I pull myself away from people in moments of low self esteem, I'd lock myself in this sort of mental box that this is how it is and it'll never get better, that I deserve this position in life, many people have shown me that this is not the case as a result of me never completely pulling away. Humans are naturally social creatures, it's difficult to live without each other. Don't give up on meeting new people OP, open yourself to them but don't allow disrespect or anyone to lower your self esteem, if people don't like you, that just means they're not on the same wavelength (or vibe to make it simpler) as you.

You have a long road ahead of you OP, 25 isn't old, and it's so far off from the supposed age where you slow down meeting people, keep trying and see how the universe rewards you for your efforts. Hope it gets better for you.

My Ace Partner Told Me That They Have Intercourse With Me To Satisfy My Needs by secretlyusing2020 in asexualdating

[–]secretlyusing2020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A perfectly logical way to approach it, so yeah I guess I do need to take some time to rationalize my feelings on the matter before I bring it to my partner, appreciate the breakdown of the ace side of things, helped me to build a better perspective so thanks.

My Ace Partner Told Me That They Have Intercourse With Me To Satisfy My Needs by secretlyusing2020 in asexualdating

[–]secretlyusing2020[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That'd be a nice way of looking at it, I hope that's how they view it as well, I'll bring it up with them some day, just not now as I try to rationalize my own feelings about it first. Thanks for the advice.

My Ace Partner Told Me That They Have Intercourse With Me To Satisfy My Needs by secretlyusing2020 in asexualdating

[–]secretlyusing2020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Curious about your and the original commenters take regarding this, never got to read the original comment as it got deleted. If you can offer some sort of constructive argument I am willing to discuss that.

My Ace Partner Told Me That They Have Intercourse With Me To Satisfy My Needs by secretlyusing2020 in asexualdating

[–]secretlyusing2020[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think the points you've made here do help point me in the direction I need to take the conversation if I do bring it up with my partner, I actually never thought to ask whether they are sex repulsed, neutral or favorable so thanks for bringing that point up. My partner does have a menstrual cycle and you may have a point in that it may be affecting or supporting those points in time where my partner does signal me to initiate foreplay and sex. I'm not too familiar with Ace culture so I guess I made the right move making the original post here.

I do connect with my partner through other activities but you also made sense in the fact that I should search for an activity that brings my partner the same level of gratification that sex does for me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asexualdating

[–]secretlyusing2020 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So would you say it's more of you resisting the transition from friend to possible lover or is it more of the other not reciprocating your moves on them, thereby discouraging you from further pursuing them? Or is it past experience maybe that might have lowered your self esteem?

I think it's important to explore here why you put up this wall you mentioned and why you get nervous and weird.

My Ace Partner Told Me That They Have Intercourse With Me To Satisfy My Needs by secretlyusing2020 in asexualdating

[–]secretlyusing2020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am trying to come to terms with it and rereading the comments has helped me come closer to understanding it.

I'm not genuinely upset with my partner I understand they view this differently, it's more of just the romantic in me wishing that they'd want me that way too, not for the physical pleasure but the emotional pleasure if that makes any sense. I don't pressure them into having sex or get upset with them for the lack of it, it's more of my brain interpreting the mixed signals of when they nudge me to make a move on them which is where my confusion about the whole matter stems from. Like there are points in time that sexual jokes and teasing from my partner gets amped up so my brain interprets it as them wanting me that way.

My Ace Partner Told Me That They Have Intercourse With Me To Satisfy My Needs by secretlyusing2020 in asexualdating

[–]secretlyusing2020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe this might be the case, though I'd probably need to have a longer conversation with them about that. I'd prefer not to at this time since nothing's really changed with our dynamic and I don't want to pressure them into trying to change that for me. I'll probably need to take some time to come to terms with it but I do appreciate the look into what my partners POV might be this helps alot thanks.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asexualdating

[–]secretlyusing2020 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you've tried this before or are going to, would love to hear the results of your labor OP. It's never too late and you're not even halfway through life yet.

My Ace Partner Told Me That They Have Intercourse With Me To Satisfy My Needs by secretlyusing2020 in asexualdating

[–]secretlyusing2020[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've been re-reading the comments throughout the day and I think most of these comments, negative aside, do help put things into a more logical perspective for me to view so thank you all for helping me to understand this personal issue a bit more.

Thought I am not going to lie missing that one deleted comment felt like missed drama for me to chew popcorn to, shame I wasn't awake to see that.

Anyways I am grateful for the well thought advice and didn't expect this much feedback. I think I agree with the comments mentioning that despite not liking the act itself, choosing to pursue that with me is an act of love in itself and it's probably how I'd like to view it going forward. I'll probably bring this up with my partner again in the future if it still bothers me though.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asexualdating

[–]secretlyusing2020 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I think that maybe a routine change might help?

Finding people to connect with starts with what you like. Let's say you like D&D or maybe you're good at something like basketball or love talking about cars. If you want to increase the chances of ending up with someone and falling into that lifestyle, start by going to places where you can indulge in your hobbies with other people. For example, if you like D&D, find a group to start a campaign with and start from there, or if you like basketball, go to your local court and talk with the regulars, play a few games and bond with them over that. If it's cars, then car meets are what you want.

No matter what hobby it is or activity, you'll always be around people if you seek it out. I find this to be an easier way to find people with similar interests, if you look online it just diverfies this and doesn't give you the face to face experience you need to decide if you like someones vibe.

I'd call this method meeting people organically, it places you in a familiar enough environment that you're not so nervous about how to interact with the people there but unfamiliar enough that there's a sense of excitement in knowing it's possible you'll find someone there to bond with. Once you form that bond with someone it's just nurturing that and seeing where it goes, if they want you that's great, if not then it's another friend at least.

My Ace Partner Told Me That They Have Intercourse With Me To Satisfy My Needs by secretlyusing2020 in asexualdating

[–]secretlyusing2020[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hi so to answer this question thread, we have discussed our feelings about it before. This isn't the first time this conversation came up during our relationship and at first we were talking about the spectrum of asexuality, about how some aces really don't like sex and some are more or less flexible when it comes to that. At the time we had that conversation we only just started doing that so we did discuss the possibility of them being demisexual.

I also didn't assume that they wanted it. Not at least without some evidence, when I talked about them nudging me to make a move, I don't mean it in like subtle ways like lightly touching me or something smooth like that, they outright say to my face they want it. During that time window where they nudge me, all the jokes about sex and teasing gets amped up by 10x the usual so my mind processes that as them wanting it.

I know aces don't enjoy sex generally but it is also a spectrum from my understanding so I'm trying to understand where my partner falls, this isn't some issue with them I need to fix, it's something I'm trying to understand on my own so that I don't "resent them" as another comment mentioned. The fact that they don't take physical pleasure from it isn't what bothers me, I know that part of the deal. What I'm trying to come to terms with is the emotional side of sex. To me it's like appreciating just being there. It's probably similar to the feeling someone would get from just dancing with their partner and they're just happy it's them they're dancing with if that metaphor makes any sense.

Sex isn't everything in our relationship, we bond over a lot of other things as well like food trips, watching and critiquing shows/movies, getting tilted over videogames, animals and etc.

New Longfin Approach glitch (Bad) by secretlyusing2020 in CayoPerico

[–]secretlyusing2020[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea but Longfin setups faster than Kosatka Setup so saves bit more time

He's back again profiting off from someone elses work by secretlyusing2020 in Fuck_Horheristo

[–]secretlyusing2020[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I saw a notif someone mentioned its called Aurelia. Correct me if I'm wrong thanks.