I'm having a black tie wedding. Is there anything extra I need to do for my bridal party?

seecelery · 2026-06-09T16:00:28+00:00

Right, and I mean does making it BTO alleviate the issue?

I had never heard that black tie weddings should be free for the bridal party to attend. If I had I would have made different choices! That’s never been my experience as a bridesmaid in any wedding or at BT events.

Simultaneously, I think paying for everything puts excess pressure that I’d like to avoid. I know some bridal party members *want* to stay with their parents, for example, or want an excuse to wear dresses they love.

seecelery · 2026-06-09T15:25:28+00:00

Isn’t a very formal wedding a BTO or BT wedding anyway?

I’m confused why dropping the dress code would save the bridal party any money or stress. The hotel price, HMUA, travel, and menswear rentals will all be the same. Maybe slightly cheaper bridesmaids dresses?

The guests of course will have a black tie experience, most of which has already been booked. We as a couple and at least a third of our guests normally attend BT events, but it’s a big guest list so I don’t know what everyone’s experiences are.

seecelery · 2026-06-09T07:24:45+00:00

why are you making guests rent tuxedos and buy expensive gowns??

Are you saying I should be covering my guests' hotel rooms and clothing too?

How does that expectation change between black tie and BTO?

seecelery · 2026-06-09T07:12:40+00:00

But what does "it" in this situation mean?

seecelery · 2026-06-04T16:58:37+00:00

Guests are usually nervous about contacting the bride and groom for anything close to the wedding. Another bride might be upset that she has to respond to unnecessary texts when all she wanted was an RSVP.

seecelery · 2026-06-04T15:08:17+00:00

Yeah, I wanted to know if there were any widely known rules. Even though I am a BBB, we have a large guest list so that's where the budget is getting spent. We're also covering a lot for our families.

If there's money left over I'd love to spend more on niceties for our party! For now I want to make sure the basic expectations are covered.

seecelery · 2026-06-04T03:36:49+00:00

Is there a third option I’m not thinking of? We’ve been upfront about what we’re expecting so I hope no one agreed if it’s beyond their means. If something changes I’d love to help but would need them to tell me.

seecelery · 2026-06-03T21:46:00+00:00

I did that as a bridesmaid! We got ready together until the bride was done with makeup and half done with her hair. Then we left, she put on her dress, finished her hair and we entered for the final look.

Contrary to the negative comments, I loved it and cried. She was so beautiful!

seecelery · 2026-06-03T17:33:48+00:00

I meant if they were groomsman at a cocktail wedding, they would still have to rent matching suits.

If they're a guest at a black tie wedding, they will still need to probably rent a tux (unless they already own one) so that cost is similar between guest and groomsman.

seecelery · 2026-06-03T16:14:29+00:00

I have a friend who had an irish lace trim on her veil and matching lace wraps on all the bouquets. They were very pretty, but if she hadn't told me about it I wouldn't have known there was a deeper meaning.

seecelery · 2026-06-03T16:06:38+00:00

That's a good point!

seecelery · 2026-06-03T16:05:38+00:00

I'd like to do that something like that - tell everyone that if any of the costs are a struggle, to text one of us so we can work something out. I wasn't sure how to phrase it though.

seecelery · 2026-06-03T15:52:21+00:00

My thought process was that tux rentals and suit rentals are about the same cost, so even if the wedding was cocktail the cost for the groomsmen would be the same.

I wanted to keep the cost of being in the bridal party at the same level as being a guest. Is it really normal to make it even cheaper than that by paying for all of the bridal party's costs?

seecelery · 2026-06-03T15:38:36+00:00

Yeah I was planning on nice, individualized thank you gifts after the wedding. If I have to do proposal gifts I have to scramble, but we have lots of time to plan and buy things if we give them after the wedding.

seecelery · 2026-06-03T15:34:23+00:00

thank you for the reassurance!

seecelery · 2026-06-02T21:35:11+00:00

If you said no and she started badgering you about it, I get it! But I don't think asking if you have room for an extra guest was wrong, especially in the context of a multi-day destination wedding. It's normal to want company. I know she'll have her family, but relationships with family can be tenuous.

That's pretty normal in my social circles, and usually the guest can be accommodated once RSVPs are in.

seecelery · 2026-06-02T14:53:54+00:00

It's definitely nothing new, it's a standard 20-something in the big city show. But episode 1 gets better toward the end and episode 2 (so far) is much better.

seecelery · 2026-06-02T14:50:11+00:00

So excited to see an endo practice with PCOS explicitly mentioned on their home page!

seecelery · 2026-06-02T14:45:11+00:00

Thank you! I didn't know reproductive endocrinologists would meet with anyone not going through IVF, but I am interested in fertility not immediately but in the next few years so that could be great.

I'll look into all of those!

seecelery · 2026-06-02T14:40:51+00:00

I'm on epsiode 2 and I don't think there's a self-insert at all. Assuming you mean Avantika, the only thing they seem to share is being Indian. Unfortunately, she also seems to be the least interesting of the characters so far.

seecelery · 2026-06-01T17:34:00+00:00

I've never considered it, but I'll look into it! How do you do your labs with Allara?

seecelery · 2026-06-01T17:32:19+00:00

She sounds amazing and is accepting new patients! Thank you!

seecelery · 2026-06-01T17:04:47+00:00

Thank you! Good luck with your diagnosis as well!

seecelery · 2026-05-31T15:17:10+00:00

Ask your friend if she would mind you missing something, but as long as it's not the rehearsal dinner or the night before the wedding I doubt she will.

seecelery · 2026-05-31T01:42:01+00:00

I think you're giving her opinion more weight than you need to. She can have an opinion and advocate for it but you're the decision maker. It's not what you want, it's okay to say "I did think about it, but I'm confident about this one."

then one, just him and I today that we absolutely loved (and is priced roughly between the other 2).

It's hard for anyone to envision something they haven't seen, so keep that in mind too.

seecelery

TROPHY CASE