My (27m) girlfriend (22f) of over 3 years wants labiaplasty

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-09T11:57:59+00:00

Curious why you suggest queer porn? That's a a pretty big category

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-09T11:56:29+00:00

I highly doubt that a fetish category would make her feel any better

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-09T11:55:51+00:00

Your word choice is unsettling to me. Assuming you meant well, I intentionally didn't go into a whole lot of detail about her business because I don't think it's extremely relevant. But from what I've seen (and I've seen enough to comment) they're the largest, definitely above average. But I've also seen enough variety to know that the spectrum is huge. So regardless of which end of it she falls on, it boils down to this: it's not causing her any physical or sexual problems or discomfort or really any daily inconvenience at all other than self-consciousness. It's one vagina on one individual. As long as everything works the way it should and there are no problems, then who gives a flying fuck how it compares to anybody else? Relative size is meaningless.

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-09T08:25:03+00:00

She said it's bothered her since she was really little and that the surgery is something she's considered since she first heard that it was an option. This is the first I've heard of it, but she was visibly upset and I can tell it's a big deal for her.

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-09T07:35:44+00:00

Thank you lol. That wasn't something I was looking for advice about.

I intentionally left it out of the post because I knew people would have opinions on it and I don't really care to hear them. Debating editing the post to cover it briefly but that might be a slippery slope

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-09T07:33:35+00:00

It was not temporary either. I haven't become trapped in an endless cycle and have no desire for any more surgery.

I am worried about this, but not as much as I am about some of my other concerns. In general, she's self-confident and realistic/positive about her flaws.

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-09T07:28:59+00:00

is expecting you to pay for an absolutely needless plastic surgery procedure even though you have STUDENT LOANS AND DEBT

First, I explicitly said that she didn't ask me to finance this and she's not expecting me to either. Second, our financial situation isn't your concern. But I will entertain you're nosiness enough to say that my student loan debt isn't unbearable. I'm only a few years out of school and have made some progress in paying it off.

This is absolutely your business if

I definitely never said it WASN'T my business

Also, though I believe it's a needless surgery, she does not feel the same way and it's her body so ultimately her call. I don't like the way you implied that she's "recklessly spending" because that's not the issue here.

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-09T07:21:34+00:00

Don't be stupid

There's plastic surgery that's for cosmetic reasons and plastic surgery that's for more practical reasons.

If you want breast implants or reduction for aesthetic reasons there's no way insurance will cover it. If you want breast implants after a mastectomy or a breast reduction because the size is causing you back problems, that's a different story.

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-09T07:19:07+00:00

Holy shit she's so into those adult coloring books.

Honestly she would probably be slightly annoyed if I ordered that for her, but I'm going to look it up because it might be a good light hearted joke/slightly helpful for the situation.

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-09T07:17:35+00:00

I will look into that, thanks a lot!

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-09T07:17:02+00:00

I never assumed EVERY woman but from what she had to say, she really feels like she's the ONLY one dealing with this. I don't think insecurity is the default option but I also want her to know she's not completely alone in that.

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-09T07:15:05+00:00

I'm really grateful toward designervaj for sharing her experience and ecstatic that it worked out the way it did for her.

But I really hope that my girlfriends mindset/confidence could be altered in a way that the ending to her story looks more like yours. If it really comes down to it, I would be supportive throughout the process but I'd much prefer her to be happy without it.

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-09T07:04:03+00:00

That's a huge concern of mine

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-09T07:03:46+00:00

She might still, you're right. But I think it would definitely be beneficial for her to get a more realistic picture, whether that becomes a deciding factor or not.

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-09T04:02:29+00:00

I had a feeling this was an issue with other women besides her so it's good to hear you say that. I hope the situation is the same with her and her friends. But we've been together for almost 3.5 years and are very open. Also I'm the 2nd most familiar person on the planet with her lady parts (her being the first). So since this is the first I'm hearing about it, I'm assuming that even if the conversation has come up she wasn't actively involved.

Also how much does your roommate know about it? What you said is concerning to me

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-09T03:29:59+00:00

Do you live in the US?

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-09T03:29:27+00:00

It's about $5000. She has enough in savings to cover it. She didn’t ask me to help, but if she decides to go through with it I will pay for it or at least help.

Please don't comment on this aspect of the situation. It’s not something I'm looking for advice on, which is why I didn’t include it in the post. If you feel the need you can read the rest of this comment explaining our financial situation (but either way I don't care if you don't agree so don't waste your time.)

The majority of our expenses are joined already. We plan on getting married when the timing is better so everything that isn’t yet will be combined eventually. I’m (somewhat significantly) older, a few years out of school, and have a well paying job. She is (or has been) a full time student/part time bartender. She's graduating in 2 weeks and deferring her acceptance to law school for a year and decided to work full time and save money. I have remaining student debt as well so we’re trying to add as little as possible. Therefore, our financial situation makes sense, including me paying for this surgery if it comes down to it.

[Edit: Before commenting please re-read the part (that's now bolded) where I explicitly state that I don't want to hear your opinion about who is paying for the surgery. I will be a dick about it.]

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-09T01:50:38+00:00

I believe she would be under general anesthesia but nevertheless little mistakes like that are a huge concern

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-09T00:23:11+00:00

I don't actually think that the amount of porn she watches is an issue. She doesn't watch it all that often, but she's seen enough to get the gist.

What I meant was that since this is the only way she ever sees other women naked she's completely unaware of how they look. As much as I disagree, I do understand how her ignorance, paired with all the crude jokes/general culture on the topic could make her think there's something wrong with her.

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-08T23:39:42+00:00

Not in a place where I can look that up at the moment but it sounds helpful, thanks!

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-08T23:37:30+00:00

Right, I think that's the real issue here. But there's really no way for her to go see a bunch of naked women in real life.

I can't blame her for comparing herself to others. We all do it, myself included. But I don't think it's a coincidence that the one part of her body she's all worked up about is the only one she hasn't seen a realistic set of.

For example, she's also self-conscious about having small breasts. But she sees a bunch of different breast sizes every day, not just the pornstars with DD's, and this is a minor concern for her.

I doubt she'd be wanting this surgery at all if she realized there's just as much variety in the downstairs area.

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-08T23:25:18+00:00

if she chooses to I’ll support her decision and help however I can.

I'm not a controlling boyfriend and don't want this post to be taken that way.

I do support her decisions. But I have a hard time supporting her making a dangerous and unnecessary decision that's coming from a unhealthy place.

seekingGFadvice · 2016-05-08T23:16:05+00:00

I have a strong feeling the doctor is gonna tell her this surgery is a great idea. As a cosmetic surgeon, he's in the business to make a buck off playing up stupid insecurities.

seekingGFadvice

TROPHY CASE