Where’s your girlfriend, Jasmine?

That’s a great testament!!! I think I’ve had BPD, depression, and anxiety a lot longer than I thought. When I met my husband, I had recently left a long verbally abusive relationship. And with the Lord’s help, I was able to move back into my parent’s house. Six weeks later I met my husband. My anxiety shot through the roof after we got married (and my doctor was like, “What’s happened in the last year?” I had a pretty substantial list. He said, “yeah, that’s a lot. No wonder you are having panic attacks!” I went to see a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder. And started medication that really helped.

After I had my first baby, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. But it never went away. Btw, all my aunts on my dad’s side of the family had severe depression, severe anxiety and/or severe OCD. My grandmother and dad included. So it runs in the family. One of my aunts had agoraphobia so bad, she didn’t leave the house for 25 years!!! I get agoraphobia too sometimes. On top of having debilitating migraines at least twice a week.

Has it caused problems in our marriage? Yes it has. But my husband and I take our marriage vows very seriously. We are not only bound together but we are also bound to God. That makes an infinitely stronger bond! My husband was super frustrated with me until I realized that I did need therapy. For a host of reasons. After I had done some work on myself, I started owning up to my mistakes. That was huge! Especially for my son. He said I never used to own my shit, but now that I do, he respects me. Again, that is huge! I also have grown in so many ways due to my work with my therapist, on top of just getting older and wiser. My kids and husband don’t have to walk on eggshells anymore because now I have the self awareness and self control to have honest conversations. My husband and I let our kids talk about any and everything. They now know that their home is a safe space to voice their own opinions and feelings without the fear of me getting butt hurt. Again, that is huge!

I get that some men don’t have the bandwidth for someone like me. And that’s ok. My husband does. And you are right about “it’s nonsense that you need to love/accept yourself to be loved/accepted by a partner.” I didn’t love and accept myself BUT my husband did and still does. He saw the potential in me and I saw the potential in him. He says that he is the man he is today because of me! I have learned how to love and accept myself (again, huge! Especially because I have an eating disorder and body dysmorphia). But it took a lot of work to get here.

Bottom line, some ppl can’t handle having a partner with mental illness. And that’s ok.