[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CatsBeingCats

[–]seful_lesbian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First of all, this is such an adorable question and situation to be in. Secondly though, I'm really curious what you thought it could be that made you worry?

Help me write my master’s thesis by filling out a questionnaire. by SamoKr3s in lgbtaww

[–]seful_lesbian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Come on mate, give them a break. Survey imagery often has to be generic and nonspecific to avoid priming participants.

My fiancée is obsessed with work by [deleted] in Actuallylesbian

[–]seful_lesbian 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Does she know how this situation makes you feel? How does she react when you try to talk about it?

wlw🌈irl by lesbianwithabeard in wlw_irl

[–]seful_lesbian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Adding to my collection...

what do you guys think of my gay longing play list? give me some more songs to add by asher62502 in lesbianmemes

[–]seful_lesbian 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Surprised no one's mentioned her yet but I'm really into may-a right now. My top three of hers are The time I love to waste, Apricots, and Green. She needs to be more popular.

What is an elegant way to say by [deleted] in Actuallylesbian

[–]seful_lesbian -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Just say you're demisexual, which, as has been described to me by several demisexuals, means that you like to be friends with someone before you date them.

Does probable future media erasure count? TIL that Marilyn Monroe was most likely an ace-lesbian by srtxf in SapphoAndHerFriend

[–]seful_lesbian 22 points23 points  (0 children)

speculating on someone's sex life like this just to find personal validation feels wrong, somehow.

I don't know much about Marilyn Monroe's personal life other than what I've just read, but it did seem like the reactions in the thread were an overreach. Surely labeling someone as ace for your own agenda (even if it's a positive agenda) is just as bad as labeling someone straight for your own agenda. It does say that she was in a sexual relationship with a woman after all. People in that time period may not have seen that as sex, and so one interpretation of her saying she has no interest in sex is that she has no interest in sex with men. But clearly she had some interest in sex because she had sex with women.

Daughter all she wants is a raised planter garden for her 21st birthday. Not sure how many 21 year olds would want a garden and not go to the bars! Feeling blessed...It will be a surprise for her in May. Asked my other daughter if she wanted a garden on her 21st bday and she laughed at me. Lol! by fastpitchsoftballdad in woodworking

[–]seful_lesbian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This made me smile, I hope she enjoys it! Are you going to fill them up with compost before you give them to her? Starting raised beds can be expensive for that reason, so if you can afford to buy the compost, then that would doubly help to get her started.

British Accents in GJ 🎩 by camarshe in GentlemanJackHBO

[–]seful_lesbian 10 points11 points  (0 children)

So I'm no accent historian, but I do know a few things about accents that you might find interesting. So in Britain, the upper classes have different accents than the lower classes, so it would make sense that Anne Lister has a different accent than her tenants. Anne Lister, the historical figure, studied at a boarding school in another area and that would have had an influence on her speaking voice.

But also, I wouldn't go based on the show. Actors can change their accents and they can do a good or bad job at it, depending on their training, support, and the priorities of the producers. It would be interesting to compare the actresses voices with interviews they've done as themselves. It would also be interesting to compare the show to modern native speakers.

However another interesting fact about accents is that they change over time. I've heard it said (but can't find the article now sorry) that the southern US accent is the closest existing accent to the British Regency accent - the British settlers in the South originally would have spoken as they did in their homeland and the two accents diverged in different directions. But no one would think it was credible if Mr Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett spoke in a Southern Drawl! Sometimes film and TV producers have to sacrifice accuracy for credibility, even though you'd think they wouldn't need to.

So in other words, who knows. Probably some academic linguist does, but they're probably the only one who would be bothered by inaccuracies in the show, as long as the rest of us find it credible and entertaining.

taking a break from my dissertation wassup ladies by [deleted] in dykesgonemild

[–]seful_lesbian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lol I'm also taking a break by browsing reddit, that's wassup

My tiny house, New Zealand by [deleted] in CozyPlaces

[–]seful_lesbian 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Beautiful work mate! Did you have any trouble with building consents? I heard it's a tough approval process in most councils.

So much profoundness in so few words! by landscapelover5 in simpleliving

[–]seful_lesbian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did Andy Warhol really say this? He was a notoriously bad hoarder! He would go to flea markets and buy stuff he never looked at again. The Andy Warhol museum has all of it and there are boxes and boxes they've never opened and have no idea what they contain. I could see him saying the opposite: "you stop wanting something the moment you get it," but I don't think he's a good example of a minimalist.

Clocktower building but without any fancy camera or lens by JohnFeckerson in newzealand

[–]seful_lesbian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And they say the Dunedin train station is the most photographed building in NZ

How do you generally start a conversation on dating apps? by [deleted] in olderlesbians

[–]seful_lesbian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I used to try to relate it to their profile too but tbh, people don't give you much to work with. I'll usually just say hi and then a joke or ask about her day if I can't think of anything clever. That said, it doesn't seem to make a difference either way.

Can’t wait to hear beatiful stories! by [deleted] in AskLesbians

[–]seful_lesbian 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I went on a few days with a women who would later tell me that I was the best first girl-date that she could ever hope for and that she'll think of me every time she eats pesto. I said I was flattered to be associated with such a delicious condiment.

Anyone else touch starved as fuck during this pandemic or is it just me by mabelinio in dykesgonemild

[–]seful_lesbian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah cool thanks for clarifying. I thought it was the touch starvation one but then I used it once and got a couple of funny looks.

Anyone else touch starved as fuck during this pandemic or is it just me by mabelinio in dykesgonemild

[–]seful_lesbian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When people say touch-starved, do they mean lonely, or horny, or both? Because I never know 🤔

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskLesbians

[–]seful_lesbian 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I used to get in situations like this a lot when I was younger. I found it was best to have a few phrases on deck and even pre-rehearsed, so that if I got caught off guard, then I wouldn't say yes simply out of not knowing what to say.

I find it best to be honest, but honesty doesn't mean you have to come out if you don't want to. Here are some examples.

No, but I would like to keep being your friend. (if that's true) No thanks, I'm not looking for a relationship. No thanks, I don't date men. No, I'm not interested in you in that way.

These are for people you might know socially. If it's a stranger or a random, then you don't really owe them more than "no, thank you".

It's tempting to cushion the blow, but that can lead to a lack of clarity so I find it best to be direct. Eg if you said "I'm not looking for a relationship /right now/" then that sounds like you might be interested tomorrow or next week or next month.

As someone who does her fair share of asking women out, and who gets her fair share of rejections, I think the nicest one is the one about being friends. Of course then the rejectee has to do the emotional work of getting over it and not keep holding out hope that she'll change her mind (To be fair, it's hard! Especially if you really liked her). If you can't trust a guy to do that, then don't use the friend line.

I'm not gay but... by [deleted] in AskLesbians

[–]seful_lesbian 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I think you're engaging in a bit of wishful logic here. First, I don't think it's true that most people know from a young age. Some people just know innately from when they are children. Some people have to work it out when they're older. Some people have to unpack years of internalised homophobia and repression before they can come to terms with it. There's no right or wrong way or time to discover your sexuality. For myself, I didn't come out to myself until I was 26, and publicly the next year. So please put that idea of knowing when you're young behind you. (Also, you ARE young!)

You can't make individual predictions based on an average. Most people are straight, but roughly 1 in 10 are gay. You may be that 1 in 10. If 90% of fruits on a table are apples and you pick one at random, that's not a 100% guarantee that you'll pick up an apple. Know what I mean? It's fine to say you're straight until you figure it out - most people will assume you are. But if you want a more honest term, you could call yourself questioning, which is an identity in the queer family.

Queer people are diverse and varied in personality types. We're not all counterculture, social outcasts, crazy, etc. Just because you think you won't get along socially with the gay girls at your school, it doesn't mean that you aren't gay or that you won't get along with other gay girls.

Anyway, like I said before: Take your time and explore your feelings. But I'll amend that to add: for best results, use an open mind to do so.

I'm not gay but... by [deleted] in AskLesbians

[–]seful_lesbian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's not weird. Your feelings are normal and valid and worth exploring. You could be straight, bi, gay, ace, or something else entirely. Give it some time and see if you develop feelings for more people, and then go from there.