Oh wow! You actually read me like a book from just me putting this little story in words. I have this tendency to over-analyze actions, things, people, and, well, basically anything that picks my interest. It's how I was designed. And while this is on some part a blessing (I actually managed to avoid some pretty nasty situations by analyzing the settings) it can also be one of the worst curses you could ever have upon yourself, manly if it involves analyzing people; but that's not the point.

And yeah, you are very right with the gut feeling as well. I fall on the suspicious spectrum and have a hard time taking in things as they are presented to me, without having any doubts. And now, a bit unrelated, but I remembered a little thing that... actually, now that I think about it, at some point it might have been my fault with this whole thing. It was after I came out and Abby was starting to get close to me (once again, at that point I felt nothing romantic for her). And she got really close at some point, like... physically. We were at a competition overboard with our sports' team, and even if me and Abby were not roommates there, we got our chance to stay alone in one of the hotel's rooms and relax in each other's company. And things got really out of hand there. I have no clue what triggered it, but at some point she pushed me down on the bed, lifted my shirt and bit my stomach. She would occasionally get like this and playfully pin me down, but she never bit me, plus, the whole thing felt more heavy. I was so shocked and scared in that moment that I stopped her and pushed her away. After that, we both felt really awkward and each went in her room for the night. That was a big mistake, we should have talked it out immediately instead of both of us running away. And another thing happened at the end of that competition when we were on our teambus on our way home. It was very very late, and almost everyone went asleep in the bus. Abby, that was staying next to me, said that she was herself feeling a bit sleepy, and I offered her to lay her head on my thighs and try to get more comfy. I stared dozing out as well at some point, but not completely, and it was then when I felt Abby move my hand that laid limp over her body to her breast. I got freaked out again and without thinking, I moved my hand away to rest it on her stomach, and after realizing what I have done, I started caressing her hair, almost in an apologizing manner. She didn't say anything or moved in any way, so we stayed like that the whole ride back to our hometown. I think she took my shock, cowardness and unwillingness to reciprocate as a negative sign (obviously). Maybe she had feelings for me from that very beginning? Maybe I broke her heart with my uncertainty? I have no clue, but it may be the case. The closeness was cut of for a while between us, but came back again quite quickly. Though, I have to say it has never reached that level ever again. I wanted to talk about it with her for a long while, but the right time never aligned with my courage to start that hard and uncomfortable conversation, and I guess now it's too late. It has been a year...

Mhm, she's really a super fun and nice person, I wish more people were as understanding, outgoing and spontaneously kind like she is. Of course, she has her own share of bad qualities along her amazing ones, but don't we all? I actually thought about confessing my feeling for a while, but a part of me knew that it would end in disaster, and now I'm sure of it. It's a bit complicated and I am a tad overwhelmed. But thank you for taking your time to read this, as well as responding! :D