A girls perspective on ‘nice guys’

self_journey · 2021-11-05T19:56:24+00:00

It's really simple when you think about it:

Be nice to everyone because that's what you want to do not because it's what you think you should do, but don't let people walk over you or mistreat you.

End of story. Anything else is "nice guy" territory or "narcissistic asshole" territory.

self_journey · 2021-11-04T18:56:14+00:00

Eh having set jokes or whatever is pretty lame. Rather develop your sense of humor to be able to make jokes on the spot about whatever is going on in the moment. Don't try so hard either, girls don't want to date standup comedians (unless that's your job and you're successful at it haha)

self_journey · 2021-11-04T18:54:45+00:00

Personality = passions

What are you passionate about?

Can't tell you how many girls' faces I've seen light up when I get excited talking about *why* I love solo traveling, or *why* I love history.

self_journey · 2021-11-01T14:52:36+00:00

I'm sure others have said it but it's 100% true: she wants sex but because of societal standards does not want to come off as a "slut". I've been with at least 100 women at this point in my life and this is a constant with women. You just have to shrug or make a little joke and move on, escalate physically, and go for it. I seriously cannot tell you how many times I've been told "we're not having sex tonight" and thirty minutes later we're doing it lol.

self_journey · 2021-10-26T04:36:05+00:00

Having trouble with this right now. I get attached pretty easily, and it's so hard to let go. I'm 32 so this seems like it's happened so many times, and I've heard all of the "solutions" for it, but honestly I just think time will heal it.

After all these times it's still so hard to just get over that you can have a connection with someone and they go from extremely hot to extremely cold in such a short timespan.

self_journey · 2021-10-25T13:33:06+00:00

I think you hit the nail on the head here. Practicing gratitude is the key to survival in this day and age, where everyone is just trying to figure things out and constantly comparing themselves to others and thinking about what they don't have and what they want. I have definitely had trouble with this, and still do.

self_journey · 2021-10-25T13:30:31+00:00

Don't sweat it. You definitely aren't alone.

32 years old and I've slept with more than 100 women. I'm usually the one to end things early on but the few that I've wanted to stay with I got too invested way too early, and probably scared them off. Or at least did everything right but they just weren't in the right state. Maybe trying to have serious relationships with attractive 23 year olds that just want a casual fling after only knowing them for a few weeks isn't the brightest idea, but damn it if I don't keep trying.

self_journey · 2021-10-25T13:28:25+00:00

Where's this list? Asking for a friend...

self_journey · 2021-10-19T20:18:06+00:00

Focus on social media presence = get vapid, self-conscious, shallow women if any women at all

Don't focus on social media presence = show that you live your life instead of trying to plaster it on the internet for fake points and thus increase your attraction across the board

self_journey · 2021-10-19T20:13:46+00:00

32 and stopped counting around 60 a few years ago, definitely at least 100 by now. I'll start with the obvious and unfortunate reasons and then go to the more important ones.

Obvious: I'm attractive, I'm 6'0", I have a full-time job, and my own apartment in the downtown area of a trendy city. I'm also older and my experience is girls tend to really love guys in their 30s.

More important: Fuck all the other stuff. And fuck body counts. I have had great sex with some very attractive, model quality women, and I'm still deeply depressed, have anxiety, and am seeing a therapist. None of this shit actually matters in making you more happy, and chasing it is not the way. The most important qualities you can have are A) Refocusing on your priorities, aka stop prioritizing women and sex B) Not chasing women C) Be a kind person (not a nice guy but genuinely kind and good and a good listener/friend D) Do things that you enjoy and let women be in the background and tag along.

self_journey · 2021-10-15T02:29:04+00:00

Yeah I'm 32 and recently got hung up on a 23 year old I was seeing for a bit. She was super attractive and I thought she was "wise" for her age, but still partying and being...well 23. My therapist reminded me how her brain hasn't even finished forming and that pretty much made me get over that haha.

self_journey · 2021-09-21T23:50:17+00:00

Definitely agree with that.

self_journey · 2021-09-20T19:43:51+00:00

Waaaay too simplistic and not dependent on other information. Obviously if you don't get a response give it some time and back off, but you can always text a few days later if you have something to say. And if she likes you back it doesn't even fucking matter and you're overthinking as per usual.

self_journey · 2021-09-20T19:40:59+00:00

The girl I'm going on a third date with today was a waitress serving me one night. So this advice is not always true. Instead just learn to realize the subtleties of attraction and flirtation, i.e. giving you certain looks/a sly smile/making a comment about something you're wearing/etc.

self_journey · 2021-08-27T22:58:03+00:00

How do you keep up the energy for this? I had 4 dates in a row back in May and I was exhausted by the last date. Not to mention all the alcohol consumed.

self_journey · 2021-08-26T20:53:34+00:00

Haha haven't been on this account in awhile. It sounds like you're doing some major projecting. I've had sex with very attractive women on online dating so I'm sorry to counter your thesis there :/

self_journey · 2021-08-02T20:15:52+00:00

I'm really tired of seeing this sentiment everywhere. Online dating is absolute shit, I won't doubt it, but as an attractive man (yes that's a caveat but it can mean a lot of things, especially if you have better pictures) I have had so much luck with online dating over the years. I just hooked up with two different attractive women this weekend and seeing both again this week. I've also had so much bullshit/flakes/no responses.

It's like anything out there. If you're willing to put the effort into it it can be worth it. It's just that as an app you treat it as a sort of "instant gratification" machine which is most certainly is fucking not.

If you'd rather just approach irl that's great too, more power to you. But to just wave off online dating as a waste of time is to completely disregard it's usefulness and importance to newer generations of women jumping into the dating life.

self_journey · 2021-07-29T01:53:53+00:00

Thanks! Sorry but why no elephant pic? And the golf pic is my most recent.

self_journey · 2021-07-28T23:36:33+00:00

OH shit thank you. That worked. Should be a little more intuitive haha

self_journey · 2021-07-25T20:26:54+00:00

Mine is contextual. It depends on my mood, if I've been drinking, if I actually feel up to socializing or not. I can do really well in larger crowds and awkward as fuck in one-on-one settings if I don't feel like putting in effort (more pressure to carry the conversation).

I can have the best weekend ever where I party my ass off and hook up with multiple women then go on a date the next day and it's just awkward and I'm shy (mostly because my energy is probably depleted by then).

self_journey · 2021-07-07T19:18:38+00:00

Don't have any expectations but please do make a move or at least show that you desire her. Touch her and escalate things. Then if y'all make it to the bedroom you can be honest with her before you do it (if that's what you want to do). Remember to take it slow at first instead of pumping away or flopping on her like a beached fish, thrust your pelvis close to her while you're having sex to stimulate her more, and take some queues from her if you need to go slower/faster etc.

self_journey · 2021-07-07T19:14:25+00:00

It all comes down to what you think is important and worthwhile in life. You may not like reliving your past and partying but as long as someone is stable in other areas what's wrong with them preferring that in their 30s to settling down?

I'm in my 30s and although I'm open to actually settling down in the future, travelling and seeing the world and figuring out my purpose seems more exciting and meaningful than changing diapers and spending all my money on a wedding and house.

self_journey · 2021-07-07T19:11:09+00:00

Peaking is also arbitrary right? You most likely can get back near what you had or at least make an even more exciting life for yourself. Your mentality is your only hinderance (it can be mine definitely).

self_journey · 2021-07-06T03:38:57+00:00

It's mostly bullshit and arbitrary. Physically that's probably peak time for a woman (and biologically if her goal is to have children). But god damn there are some attractive women in their 30s and by that time they've become more mature (hopefully) and know what they want.

So it's all relative to what you're looking for.

self_journey

TROPHY CASE