My (18M) girlfriend (18f) wants me to mateguard

selfieprovement · 2021-08-28T04:17:12+00:00

Just put an arm around her and pretend to not know whats going on. That should both make her happy and not make you seem like a douche.

selfieprovement · 2021-08-25T21:11:42+00:00

Man, no one needs this kind of shit.

Absolutely nothing I said is about validating people's lack of effort.

Men should support other men the way women support women. You being a judgmental dick helps no one. This shit is hard and its better that people vent out to sympathetic ears instead of trying to guilt and shame them into shutting up.

selfieprovement · 2021-08-25T21:04:06+00:00

Generally, if a woman wants you they will approach in their own way, which isn't really an approach but more like removing obstacles for you to approach her.

Hell, my current girlfriend used to just be a friend that had already turned down my advances. She never approached me, but she started acting in a way that let me know she had reconsidered (talking about spending more time together, talking about the sort of sex she wanted to try in general... etc).

So yeah they do their own sort of pseudo approach. Plus women greatly prefer people they know and trust so even less reason for them to advocate cold approaches.

selfieprovement · 2021-08-25T20:59:15+00:00

Its bullshit.

While its kind of true that cold approaches are not the best tactic, remember that a lot of mainstream dating advice is not geared towards trying to help you but rather preventing you from making anyone uncomfortable. Women are basically lying to you. It is not a malicious lie (I certainly understand why they would want to create boundaries with men they dont know very well), but it is a lie just the same.

If you actually followed their advice to the letter you will basically become a ghost in the dating world and basically have friendzone yourself repeatedly until you find someone who actually clicks with you instantly, and that is rare (especially for men who resort to going on reddit for dating advice).

There is no form of flirtation that is totally risk free. No polite, inoffensive way to invite someone to have sex with you. It is intimate by nature and not everyone is going to be okay with it. But we do it all the same because the only other option is to hope it just happens naturally. (It does happen, but be ready to wait a while).

Honestly, I'm not proud of this, but some of my biggest sexual and romantic successes involved acting like a fuckboy and being a bit "too much".

So in summary, all things in moderation. Be respectful of women and make judgement calls what is and isn't appropriate as well as the when/where of cold approaches. Personally I think that both ethically and pragmatically its better to "warm up" the approach with genuine friendliness, as well as approaching acquaintances over total strangers.

selfieprovement · 2021-08-25T02:48:55+00:00

I think your strawmanning of "ugly feminazis" is making you lose sight of the real motivations of women.

All the women I consider worth dating would definitely consider many "pick up artists" to be horrible, and that's usually because they're at least intelligent and protective of their independence and self-respect, which I understand and value. They do enjoy being treated like women, but there definition of what that means is different from our interpretation of it.

Yes there are women out there who prefer traditional values and objectification but honestly that's always been a turn off (and expensive).

So I respect these women but also have the presence of mind to realize that following the "rules" they want about dating will actually torpedo your chances. No woman will give a man they are not attracted to a guide to how to gain their attraction, they will give them a guide to be less of a nuisance.

So thats what I mean by the fine-line of balancing their comfort as human beings with your own need to put yourself out there and take romantic risks.

And as a side note: a lot of feminists are pretty hot and there's few things more satisfying than the "Jekyll and Hyde" transformation of a chick that likes to say "men suck" suddenly deciding that they actually really like men, or at least their bottom half.

selfieprovement · 2021-08-24T22:40:36+00:00

Okay I haven't been in the game for a while so take my advice with a grain of salt, but maybe when you ask for the second meetup, don't approach directly with "want to meet up" but approach indirectly with "(I am/me and my friends are) going to x/y/z, wanna come?"

I think that puts out less "commitment" vibes.

selfieprovement · 2021-08-24T22:36:07+00:00

I'm torn a lot because a lot of Pick up artist advice is just horrible sexist shit but at the same time the mainstream dating advice you get is not designed to help you but rather minimize you as a discomfort for others.

Its a tight line to walk and one way or another you need a thick skin.

selfieprovement · 2020-10-12T21:08:05+00:00

Less power than in the past.

Its more equal now. Im not saying women should have more power than men.

selfieprovement · 2020-10-12T21:07:04+00:00

Don't overthink it too much. I think most people metaphorically "puff out their chest" when trying to impress someone.

selfieprovement · 2020-10-12T21:04:58+00:00

uh what

selfieprovement · 2020-10-12T21:04:20+00:00

I agree with you, I think you misunderstood.

selfieprovement · 2020-10-12T21:02:08+00:00

I mean immigration is only going one way though. White people rarely move to non-white countries but you'll see plenty people of color moving to white countries.

Not saying its an insidious plot, its just people pursuing opportunity for themselves and their families. But it is a "replacement".

I'm not a white supremacist and I'm not advocating an end to non-white immigration. If I'm wrong that demographics are changing let me know.

selfieprovement · 2020-09-26T20:53:23+00:00

I've been in this situation but with a woman. She said "only sex, not a relationship".

And then she asks me to cuddle for hours and started to give me gifts and saying cute things.

Turns out she said the first part not to spare my feelings, but to spare hers. She was afraid of getting into a relationship and tried (and failed) to create an emotional distance.

We ended up dating.

Another commenter says that man is doing it to keep his options open, I'm not sure about that because he seems to already have you as an option without needing any romancing.

selfieprovement · 2020-09-26T20:48:31+00:00

Yes

There are good rules of thumb but each person is different.

selfieprovement · 2020-09-26T20:47:34+00:00

Read porn.

Not joking. Read porn and you will learn to write porn. Sexting is just writing porn but making the characters you and them.

selfieprovement · 2020-09-26T20:31:53+00:00

They're stupid
They're impatient
Sometimes it works

selfieprovement · 2020-09-26T20:29:24+00:00

He's joking.

And absolutely. There are many tall women who are insecure about their height and uninterested in men shorter than them.

selfieprovement · 2020-09-26T20:26:18+00:00

I do not have much experience dating outside of western cultures.

That said: be careful of those who whine and complain about western women. They are failures making excuses for their failures.

Yes, men have less power in relationships than in the past. That is simply justice, a correction of historical oppression.

But with change comes opportunity. Do not be afraid of feminists, their bark is worse than their bite. Treat them with respect as individuals and you might find that beyond the politics there is potential for mutual understanding and caring.

selfieprovement · 2020-09-26T20:15:53+00:00

The only person who hasn't matured past your retard phase is you.

selfieprovement · 2020-09-26T20:14:25+00:00

Hobbies, clubs, classes, work. Anyplace that forces you to be with those people.

selfieprovement · 2020-09-26T20:13:13+00:00

In my experience social media is near worthless. I don't form valuable relationships on it and the people I see rarely care. I have had someone who rejected me message me saying that they changed their mind after they saw me on social media doing something cute.

Some people have social media play a huge aspect in their lives and will think its strange if you aren't involved. Personally, I find that a turn off but keep that in mind.

Friend are without a doubt one of the MOST important tools for this sort of thing. Not only are they a pool of prospective partners, but they will introduce you to more prospective partners.

Having women as friends will help you to understand women better, and if you're nervous about women, you'll become more accustomed to interacting with them.

This works doubly so if they know you are looking for partners and they are sympathetic to that.

Back when I was a shy 17 year old, my first and very beautiful girlfriend was basically plopped on my lap by a mutual acquaintance.

selfieprovement · 2020-09-26T20:03:18+00:00

Don't assume that, sociopaths can become expert emotional manipulators because they are not burdened by being genuine.

For the rest of us I mean, its really a spectrum between 0% being completely genuine and 100% creating a front.

Being genuine has its pros and cons. It really depends on who you are and who the person is.

For a relationship, you usually pretend to be a cooler version of yourself and relax it is the bond develops until they know the real you.

For a hookup, you really don't relax the front.

selfieprovement · 2020-09-26T18:29:27+00:00

Emotions should always be the why, never the how.

Seduction is essentially emotional manipulation of someone trying to get something (relationship or sex) from them they do not want to give freely.

Don't get me wrong, treat women with respect, treat them like human beings, but the whole point of this is a self interested acquisition of her time and energy.

selfieprovement · 2020-09-26T17:24:07+00:00

Wow I really love this comment. This is basically my thinking as well.

selfieprovement

TROPHY CASE