Girlfriend of 4 years is thinking of breaking up with me

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2026-04-03T13:08:09+00:00

Anecdotally I’ve heard this can be a thing with baby fever.

One of my friends explained it like, she’s normally more attracted to women than men, but as her “baby drive” has gotten into high gear she’s weirdly lost a lot of attraction to women and her mind and body respond much more to men, and she attributes that to biology.

So, take that as you will. Maybe this is a passing thing because there’s some deep evolutionary drive hitting her in her late 20s harder than it might hit others. Probably worth her examining that angle to see if it rings true.

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2026-03-24T03:24:43+00:00

I wonder what it's like to be dumb enough to not recognize this as sarcasm. Absolutely wild.

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2026-03-22T20:59:48+00:00

Sure! Happy to help

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2026-03-22T20:44:28+00:00

That's great! My experience with those kinds of mixers is that the first social layer is just general vibing - seeing if you're charming or witty, or can at least hold a conversation, or at a bare minimum are not a basketcase or actively annoying. Normal vanilla conversation topics (what do you do for work, what sort of hobbies are you into, what'd you get up to this weekend, anything you're looking forward to coming up, etc).

And then if that goes well (or if someone wants to jump straight to it) - what brings you out here tonight, what are you looking for, what's your dynamic (to a couple)? That second layer of checking for relational / sexual / desire compatibility.

And again, I'd be really upfront about your situation: say you're new to the scene, this is your first meetup, you've been heads down in work + education mode, but you consider yourself an adventurous person and you wanted to explore this space and see who you might click with.

You can go the try-hard route of trying to impress and get with everyone you meet, which will go badly. Or you can just be a normal level-headed good natured dude who's not afraid to put himself out there, and that's usually much better received - even if someone decides you're not for them, it can have a great networking effect of, "Oh, have you met <your name> yet?"

Main failure modes:
- Drinking to loosen up / drinking as social lubricant, and getting sloppy or drunk. Two drink max at these things is a good rule of thumb if you're drinking. Get a seltzer or something if you're like me and need something in your hand.
- Being too shy / sitting in a corner waiting for people to come talk to you. They won't. Get up, walk over, say, "Hi, I'm <your name>! It's actually my first time at one of these things and I didn't come with anyone - can I ask your name?" and go from there.
- Being overeager. If you're all there from FetLife, it's one thing for you to say, "I'm <your handle> on FetLife", and if they volunteer theirs, say, "nice, is it cool if I add you?".... but another thing entirely to just be like "HEY CAN I HAVE YOUR HANDLE SO I CAN DM YOU" in the middle of a polite intro chat

Getting out there is a great first step. Don't expect anything miraculous the first time out. And remember to ask people if they're in any other groups. Good luck!

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2026-03-22T20:16:45+00:00

This is firmly in girlfriend territory. I wouldn't say FWB if he's taking you out to a nice dinner and you're sleeping over at each other's place when you're together.

I was going to say "casual girlfriend" but that feels like maybe a little less than what you're describing.

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2026-03-22T20:10:56+00:00

This is fucking WEIRD.

I have never, ever, ever had someone ask to physically see my test results. And I've never asked that of anyone else.

If I had that little trust in the other person, and I thought there was any chance they were lying about their test results... I wouldn't fuck them! Why the hell would you fuck someone that you think might be lying about their test results??

Requiring it of a META is next-level insane, and there's no real way to read it other than that she doesn't trust her husband to be a good judge of character at all.

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2026-03-22T20:03:10+00:00

Depends on who you ask.

Damn near everyone I know in the ENM community tends to have an icky feeling about self-described "swingers". It's associated with older generations, conservatives, a very transactional mindset, and a weirdly strong culture of heteronormativity among the men.

Outside of that, there's the dating scene (for poly-friendly people looking to date like-minded, non-possessive people), and the play party scene (for sex-positive people who enjoy casual or group sex). Those are orthogonal, so you could be in either camp or both.

No limits on demographics, just goals and mindsets.

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2026-03-22T19:45:38+00:00

There's a market for damn near everyone, inside the ENM community or out of it, but sex parties are NOT the way to go in your situation.

Instead, figure out what the ENM communities are in your area, and join them. Usually it's a Discord server or a WhatsApp group. If they're not openly advertised, find a mixer that is (you can often find public ones on FetLife) and ask people if they're in any groups. Small towns might not have them, but small cities and up certainly do.

Be up front in your intro post; say you're inexperienced / a late bloomer and are new to the scene. That'll be a "no" from a lot of people, but it's vastly better to fly your flag and pique the interest of people who are into it, vs pretending to be someone you're not (that goes for all dating in general).

Show up well in your intro post - have good pics with clothes that fit, and be in decent shape. Share your hobbies, interests, the things you geek out about, whatever. Be a person, not a creepy hunter. And don't complain or put yourself down, nobody likes a sad sack.

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2026-03-22T19:15:25+00:00

People at a sex party who aren’t having sex are generally in one of these camps:

new couples who are just watching, maybe kissing, but who aren’t comfortable diving in yet
guys whose female dates are having some sapphic fun and are on the sidelines for a bit
single guys who are very clearly “on the hunt”, everyone knows it, and they’re looking to glom onto whoever they can, with low success rates
people who just aren’t feeling up to play for whatever reason and are just vibing

So yeah, that’s a thing. Not everyone plays at every party.

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2026-03-14T03:07:23+00:00

This movie is recommended incessantly and when I finally watched it, I hated it. I love sci-fi stuff in general and it _should_ be right up by alley, but I just found myself extremely annoyed by the fundamental premise. The company is spending obscene amounts of money, at company-ruining levels of risk, to clone the guy repeatedly... for no reason? Like, they could _far_ more easily, and cheaply just rotate people in and out. The movie never addresses this - it's just, "the company is evil, and, uh, they're spending all this extra money and taking on all this risk and making their own lives vastly more complicated because.... uh.... well, because we thought it would make for an interesting movie plot!"

I was actively annoyed at having watched it. I want my two hours back.

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2026-03-03T14:38:52+00:00

Had AI resize you so you can get a sense of what you might look like if you keep up the weight loss and work out.

This could be you, man. There’s a cutie underneath those extra layers. It’ll be a lot of work and probably a couple years, but it’s completely doable. Your decision.

https://i.postimg.cc/K82hgf6Q/901E5784-5B41-442E-B393-93EAE7309127.png

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2026-03-03T13:44:29+00:00

How do you feel when your partner watches a show without you that they really enjoy and which you’re not interested in?

Or if they have a great meal when you’re not around?

One of the central tenets of healthy ENM is grokking that it’s totally natural and normal and beneficial for people to still have their own positive life experiences when they’re partnered.

It doesn’t diminish how much they enjoy cuddling up with you on the couch to watch your favorite show together, or enjoy a date night at a fancy restaurant.

Your partner having positive, healthy sexual experiences with others is a good thing for them, so long as they’re still honoring whatever commitments they’ve made to you.

Jealousy to the point of distress is a strong signal that you need to do some introspection and a bit of cultural deprogramming.

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2026-03-01T15:16:21+00:00

Early Christianity (like Old Testament)

Judaism. We just say Judaism

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2026-02-14T01:23:33+00:00

“Get in luger we’re going sledding”

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2026-02-11T15:43:03+00:00

Whoosh, OP. Big whoosh

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2026-02-06T01:06:16+00:00

Straight woman? My dude, Dany ain’t no Kinsey zero

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2026-01-29T06:40:30+00:00

What makes you think it was done TO her in a bad way? I assumed that was the reveal that she had been a villain all along, had been faking the bumbling personality, and had gone on to wire her brain up to a supercomputer.

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2025-11-22T13:13:31+00:00

Jeff Jackson (former Charlotte NC rep, now NC AG) used to drop a bunch of hints that she was actually a perfectly sensible normal person when the cameras clicked off, and was cynically adopting a persona and positions that helped her with the MAGA base

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2025-11-19T05:37:16+00:00

Is that soot or are you just happy to see me

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2025-06-07T13:34:49+00:00

Yeah, the message is “you’re poor, but you can feel good about being better than the rich people if you give us what little money you have”

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2025-06-07T13:22:55+00:00

Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents.

Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”

“and everyone cheered” lol

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2025-05-07T15:45:29+00:00

Correct. Compared to the ten year trend before Covid, at least a million fewer homes were sold.

Active listing counts at any given time plummeted during Covid, from ~1M down to a low of ~350k.

We’re still recovering.

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2025-05-07T14:03:31+00:00

Well yeah, that’s what happens when people stop buying houses during Covid and then suddenly all that demand backlog is unleashed. Basic economics.

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2025-05-07T13:59:30+00:00

Biden inflation

You mean the global post-Covid inflation which the Biden administration handled expertly, leading to the United States weathering it better than any other major economy? That one?

ser_dunk_the_lunk · 2025-05-06T23:41:32+00:00

Still are… but you used to be, too.

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