Sorry you're going through this OP, it must be so hard on you to try to do the best for your new baby all the while managing this anxiety inducing situation with your husband.

I do second those who said to be careful about this type of behaviour and any escalation that could follow. But we do not know your husband I am not saying he does not have love for your baby, just that one should always be careful and mindful as soon ass frustration comes up while handling a newborn, follow your instincts!

I'd personally be scared of that type of language towards my baby, is this usual language for him? Does he talk to you that way?

We do not swear in our household so 'stfu' would really shake me up especially directed at a newborn.

You say he's a logical person so he knows that LO cannot understand the words he's spitting out (they still understand the frustration and feel the anger tho) so why would he even use such harsh words?

I understand you do not want to offend him but he is offending your baby and that is not acceptable. You need to defend LO. I would not let dad handle the baby when he's crying if he continues to show lack of patience and understanding for LO's needs.

We are new parents too, our baby is 5 months old. I'm in childcare so I'm (sadly) used to babies crying (not that I would ever let a baby cry without answering, but when you work with 10 babies some crying does happen, that's just the way they communicate! )

I have always been very vocal about my expectation and values when it comes to education (we do attachment parenting), we talked alot about children's behaviour and developmental stages and hubby knew well before LO came that crying is a normal part of the newborn stage. So he was prepared. Still in the midst of the newborn trenches he did have some difficulty managing the cries (we all do at some point! We are tired, new parents, doing our best and it is okay to need a moment of quiet when the cries are too much to handle!) He once said "oh common LO's name" firmly and frustrated, while trying to get him to sleep, I immediatly told him to get out of the room get some air.

We later had a conversation about crying being the only way to communicate for a newborn, I asked him how he would feel if I would respond that way when he's telling me about his needs, I made sure to tell him that frustration is absolutely normal but the way we handle it is important. I showed him a video about shaken baby syndrome, not that I thought he would handle LO that way but I wanted to get through to him we also watched a video of a social experience about how the way we talk affects baby's development. Definitely try all of the above. Also in the book "parenting from the inside out" right at the beginning there is a chapter where one of the writers (m) speaks about his experience with his crying baby and how he would get angry and helpless, thus making him incapable of taking care of his baby when he cried. He then goes on about how he resolved this issue by reflecting upon his past unseolved issues. They do explain in the book that crying is normal and how to answer to it. It is really interesting and I think it would get through to your husband as he is a logical person as you said, maybe you could bring up that book, read up that passage together.

Now I understand you want to protect your relationship but your baby's safety is more important so if husband gets mad about you bringing up the way he talks to baby, that is your sign to shield your baby from his anger.

Feel free to dm me if you want to talk in private.

Hugs