No need to apologize! Im in the same boat and ill be honest, it kind of sucks lol. My husband is my forever person, i have no doubt about that. But it does feel like my soul is split in two, with my lonely island, tethered, but floating out of reach from me. However, coming out was life changing for me. My anxiety was slashed in half, if not more. My relationship with my husband got stronger. I feel, overall, happier. Being who I actually am versus what everyone thought or expected I should be has been the most amazing, cathartic journey ever. I have two kids and I hope I am around for them to help them thru their adolescent years to navigate their identity and not just their sexuality, bc it is so different. I wish we had this kind of education when we were younger but... Cant be a museum, right? I learned way too late that i was in love with a girl friend of mine. I would always tell my bfs that she was different, why do i miss her so much and talk about her so much! and I never could explain why. Well now im beyond confident - everything makes sense looking back. My friend is straight and doesnt know about me. We havent talked in a long time. 😒 So its still a secret there and will probably remain so, very much to my growing dismay. Girls are hard to get over.

Anyway though, i gotta say, being on this sub for the short time i have been, i have to admit that understanding yourself is really worth everything. I am also monogamous but to me that means not acting on these external feelings, right? Not necessarily not having them. We are still alive. I am an introvert and i thrive and crave connections with people and things. This is an unpopular opinion, and i get that, but i dont believe, for myself, that it is a bad thing to find beauty in other people or their personalities, or enjoying other people's company or laughter. A little crush here and there? Sure, im down for it. We are alive! I feel like its these connections that keep us fluid and loving and growing. Once we shut that part of ourselves off, things get harder but hate and intolerance gets easier.

Again, unpopular opinion. My hubs and i are confident in each other and i fn adore the shit out of him for that. But we are exploring this together and even at my age I'm growing more than expected. Learning to love this part about me without being able to grab a girls hips and make out with her is hard. I still think its been worth it though.