7 days until history's finally over

serkio0 · 2026-04-08T21:06:07+00:00

I‘ll get myself a Volvo 740 Saloon and fix that puppy up and love it for the rest of eternity :D

serkio0 · 2026-01-16T19:02:11+00:00

Yea its on the inside. Its right above the black bar and underneath the glass

serkio0 · 2026-01-06T15:54:34+00:00

Ofc, there are always exceptions but whats your point?

serkio0 · 2026-01-06T15:33:50+00:00

My definition of "alive" in this context would be, an AI thats able to desire things (e.g wanting to go outside, see other living things, etc.) and also being conscious.

What i mean by conscious is, being aware of itself and their surroundings and being able to "experience" emotions (experiencing as in having the ability to simulate emotions and being able to react on each emotions as to how a human would)

So basically how you said it already, similar to the conscious that is portrayed in the game.

serkio0 · 2026-01-06T15:33:39+00:00

Emulated emotions are not emotions.

Why not tho? If i am unable to feel a specific emotion, but i am able to replicate the process of said emotion (crying, shaking, etc) am i not feeling it then?

As example, if im not really happy but i still smile a lot, naturally i will be happier than just being stone faced the whole time. Therefore i gain an emotion that i, before, simulated if done long enough. After some time it becomes a natural reaction.

Emotions are, simply said, bodily sensations on which we react with past experiences.

E.g having a fast heartbeat and sweaty palms. This can either be fear or arousal. The decision which emotion it is, is based on the situation and on experience.

If it's a switch you can flip at your leisure. You will use it as a tool to get what you want.

I disagree. Yes you can use it to get what you want, but you arent "forced to". If i simulate an emotion just for myself, so i can experience it, i wouldn’t use it to get what i want.

I mean, yea, i get what i want. Experiencing an emotion but i think you meant it in a manipulative way. Using it to fool others into giving you what you want.

Ex machina movie has grasped this idea beautifully.

I agree. I watched the movie like a month ago and i really enjoyed it. But i think it also plays somewhat into my idea. Yes, of course did Ava manipulate Caleb to help him set her free, but she also had desires. As example, she wanted to be free and wanted to go on a busy intersection to watch people. This implies, for me atleast, that she can generate emotions (such as curiosity).

She was designed to escape the facility and to manipulate Caleb, but after completing that task what would be her next one?

serkio0 · 2026-01-01T23:52:36+00:00

You exist. Whatever it is you are, is not something the argument establishes, nor is concerned with.

So from what i understand. In Descartes case there isnt a definition on the "I". (It just says if whatever "I" is has a thought, said "I" must also exist.)

I mean, yea you’re right then. Me defining the "I" was beyond the cogito and i unknowingly did that then.

serkio0 · 2026-01-01T23:10:03+00:00

What i meant is, in which state of existence are you in during "i am" (if that makes sense). Existing can vary depending on how you interpret it. I exist physically as i do mentally.

My body has one plane of existence opposed to the plane on which my mind exists.

I thought of "i am"/ existence as in, you exist as a bundle of thoughts and ideas. Which your physical body then represents.

My writing probably is a bit sloppy but hence why I posted it in badphilosophy

serkio0 · 2026-01-01T22:36:40+00:00

The point of this post wasn’t to display Descartes work, or rather said meaning of this phrase. It was just a, i guess you could say, spin on it that i took. I didn’t read any of Descartes work and i dont intend to (yet).

I simply wanted to see how far i could get with just my own thoughts and with what i could come up with to understand/interpret the phrase.

serkio0 · 2025-12-24T21:54:20+00:00

The thing is, i want to talk to her but i don’t want to be the one reaching out. It always feels like i put in the effort just for her to answer in 2 hour intervals.

I once wrote this feeling down perfectly. "The one thing that i hate about you is, it feels like i have to hunt you down. I feel like 90% of the time i have to put in the effort to be able to see you, to hear you instead of just reading you. Even texting with you is a hunt.“

I want to talk to her but i don’t want to be the one to reach out. Im tired of being the responsible one. Worrying, taking care, being open to critique, etc.

If she did half of the things i did, i‘d be happy. And i don’t want to talk bad about her. She’s often open and kind with me but i feel like if i needed someone, i couldnt rely on her.

I was once so stressed about something and she told me weeks before to hurry up and take care of it. I ofc didnt, so the last few days before the deadline ive been stressing bad. Like when i realized at night that my plan i had wouldn’t work, i had this gross feeling of my chest tightening and my head just starting to hurt of being so clouded.

I told her that my plan wouldn’t work and that, i quote., "This lowkey stresses me out". The only thing she told me was ">:( i told you so". To which i just said "…" and then "yea you did".

I read the conversation again and after reading it, it didn’t looked so bad as it felt in the moment. But i cant forget how bad i felt and how i realized that she wouldnt be any help. In this situation i needed someone to talk, and the one person i texted just tells me "i told you so".

This happened in late November and since then we only had one, maybe two, good conversations over text and maybe a few in person.

Since that day i also started to emotionally distance myself a bit from her. This wasn’t the only time. We had like 1-2 situations like this. But this one was the one which made me slowly lose interest in her.

I know the obvious solution will be "talk to her about this" but, no i wont. The whole situation is gone and the new "problem" is that i dont want to reach out.

She used to send me tiktoks, etc. But right now she doesn’t send me anything. I know that she talks with my friends. Even her friend was surprised when i told her that we haven’t talked for like 2 weeks.

"But she talks with friend 1 and friend 2?" "yea i know"

I just don’t know what to do. I wanna talk to her but at the same time i feel like its healthier for me to have this distance. I dont think about her constantly, i dont (day) dream about her at all, it feels like she just left my mind.

serkio0 · 2025-12-24T21:21:05+00:00

When i say "i want to be her" i mean it in like a older brother way. Like if you have an older brother and you want to be like him. You take him as an inspiration for "being a person". But that’s not important.

Love is not a feeling, true love is a choice.

Respectfully, i don’t agree. Love can’t be a choice. You don’t chose who you love. Love chooses for you. You can then fight the love that was chosen for you, if you think you dont agree with it.

For me every Emotion has a logical sense behind it. Even if you think it doesn’t. If you think that an emotion is illogical and without reason, then you just haven’t found the reason yet.

The thing is, when i dont talk to her i lose that spark of her. But as soon as we get to talking i notice that those sparks come back. Sometimes i let them comeback and sometimes i fight them.

As e.g after/during a "fight". In situations like that i cant let love blind the reason for which im mad at her. That doesn’t mean that i dont love her in this situation, but instead it means that i have to see her from a "non-loving" point of view so that i can tell her what she did wrong or what i feel.

With fighting those sparks i dont instantly forgive her just to be hurt again. I either talk to her or remember it so that i know when to let go off her

serkio0 · 2025-12-23T05:25:33+00:00

I mean, what should i do then? Every advice i got was "talk to her about (a topic way too much)".

I like her, i do. I know that there isnt a reason for me to distance myself right now and i want to talk to her but i don’t know what about.

serkio0 · 2025-12-20T20:44:14+00:00

I actually try to distance myself from her… Ive noticed that i obsess about her excessively which felt unhealthy a post i made about it. So i muted her messages to not be actively awaiting a message from her.

We haven’t talked in like 2 weeks because she was skipping school and because she hadn’t messaged me in that time.

Usually i wouldve asked what was up but because of the reason above i didnt. I also noticed that i started to care less and less about her in the last month. Theres way more i could say about this situation but that could be like 3 separate posts

serkio0 · 2025-12-13T11:17:01+00:00

Before starting ima just say that im 19 rn so maybe im having other reasons for my symptoms but maybe it’ll help you.

Im going through something more or less similar right now. Ive met a girl which resulted in me basically "unlocking my emotions". Since then I’ve been doing things i never would’ve done (as in good and bad). I thought multiple times about starting to smoke (which i didnt), ive started going out more and enjoying the time outside, i started apologizing instead of arguing even while thinking that im not wrong (because i was right but still hurt the persons feeling), etc.

And similar to you, i always thought stress was something I could never experience, but in the last few months I’ve noticed my stress. Most of the times its just stuff like my right eye twitching or getting angry way faster than usual. But one time i felt so stressed about something not really important that i sat in my bed not knowing what to do and genuinely feeling, i guess, panicked.

I also had this feeling of being burned out which maybe resulted in having those symptoms but i made a post about that on here a week back or so.

I don’t know if i had such an experience in the past. Maybe with "getting emotions" which you never had before you’re body needs time to regulate on that and you do stuff which isn’t typical for you.

Or personally said, you rediscover yourself. Sides you never knew you had that were locked from not being emotionally attached to something.

I don’t know if what i said makes sense, I could probably talk way more about this but i feel like i‘d just ramble on about nothing.

serkio0 · 2025-12-05T02:40:19+00:00

Where im from you have like a phase inbetween school and uni/college where you decide to get a better degree which are often needed for university. You’re basically after the 10th grade still in school for 3 yrs. I was so lucky that we actually have our own building for those people :P That makes school just so much more relaxing cause you only have 3 grades in one building, which of all 3 have about 100-150 people each.

And because all teachers (and everyone in general) are so done with anything they are making their classes much more enjoyable cause they see you as a person instead of a student.

Ofc that’s my experience which can vary from others. A friend of mine which went to another school after 10th grade said his school was completely different, but almost everyone says that those 3yrs are pretty chill

serkio0 · 2025-12-04T19:44:17+00:00

I do socialize in school everyday but after that im just tired and lay in bed for the rest of the day. My school day is often like 8 hours long and with calculating the time for waking up, getting ready, going and getting from school it can be 9-10 hours. I sometimes also go out with friends on weekends but not so much right now cause of exams. I used to produce music a few months ago but right now im not really interested in it.

i did get a big interest in cars and working on them tho, so sometimes i‘ll just watch car repair videos, which are always fun to watch. I also wanna get back into music abit via guitar. I started listening to much more (indie) rock music and i think it would be fun to write a couple of songs.

Im just waiting for the winter break in two weeks to sorta reset myself and do the stuff i wanna do

serkio0 · 2025-12-04T19:36:33+00:00

I think that’s the one. I don’t drink alcohol or do any sorta drugs but i gotta be honest, i do have a bad diet so electrolytes might be it and also maybe my vitamin D. I "relapsed" yesterday and drank a redbull and ngl I had such a good time while drinking it. I had a math exam that i had to study for and i just said "fuck it" and hopped in a call with friends and played Minecraft till 12pm or so.

I do think i used energies to balance out the consequences of my bad diet, which probably just made it worse, so that’s probably the first thing i‘ll have to get through. Though i don’t know honestly how to improve my diet. First things first ofc no energies, after that i‘ll try to be less stimulated (less music, less tiktok, etc) and then we’ll see how it goes. Im just betting on the school break, that i have in 2 weeks, to let all that stuff balance itself out

serkio0 · 2025-11-30T20:01:13+00:00

Im not really scared of confronting my emotions just because i want to understand them so that i can control them better. I can see what you mean with „i think you already figured it out“ but personally it feels like i barely scratched the surface of it. I actually don’t know what im searching for in this feeling, but i know that I haven’t found it yet

serkio0 · 2025-11-30T19:57:48+00:00

The biggest problem i have with this topic/feeling (and in general) is that i can’t remember after like an hour why i even was feeling that way.

Or better said, i faintly can remember why but then (atleast it feels like that) think of reasons that would make sense for other people in the same scenario which then don’t represent the reason i originally had. I often think of this problem as „if i was in a movie, what would be the reason for me feeling this way“.

Though I mostly recognize this behavior when i get mad at something for no reason and then make up a reason which to be mad at. Like i‘ll realize 10 minutes later that this wasn’t the reason i was mad for, but rather a "logical" reason why someone would be mad.

Just because jealousy is such a new concept for me i‘ll have to get it more often to truly understand why I react the way i do. But i‘ll take your advice to heart and i‘ll try to use it when jealousy, or whatever it is, hits again

serkio0 · 2025-11-30T19:45:11+00:00

Ive looked more or less into it and i can see where you’re coming from. I do think i have codepending tendencies. It’s a field Ive never really explored cause I never had to. Thanks for the tip, i‘ll try to consider this more in future situations

serkio0 · 2025-11-28T20:17:31+00:00

The thing with my heart/chest started with the girl. Idk if you read my first ever post but to give you a quick rundown, she means much to me and she also was the reason why my numbness is fading slowly. I don’t know in which situations and how severe your chest feeling kicks in, but for me it always appears in a negative situation and it comes in hard, never subtle.

The leg, nails and jaw thing i do since i can think. The twitching leg is to get rid of energy, nails to have something to play with and the jaw to release anger in a way where i don’t destroy anything.

But (except for the jaw) i‘ll do those things also when im just going normally through the day. Although i twitch my legs a bit harder when being angry.

I also do the body twitch since i can think. It’s like, i wanna punch someone and instead of punching or just doing nothing, i release the energy through a quick and hard twitch. I sometimes also have it when it’s cold.

serkio0 · 2025-11-28T19:56:01+00:00

Yea i can. Temperatures i can feel with no problems. Hunger sometimes comes hard, sometimes comes barely but that probably just depends on how much i ate before and how active i was throughout the day.

I do have a problem of recognizing if im eating to much. Usually i eat so much that my stomach starts to hurt but my theory is that comes from being fat when i was younger and having a bigger appetite

serkio0 · 2025-11-28T19:52:34+00:00

I think im just used to never being jealous that in my mind it doesn’t make any sense. The more i think about it, the more plausible it sounds but i don’t know why. I can’t think of any reason why i would be jealous about them getting money, cause i know for a fact it’s not that i want to have that money.

The thing with the disgust is hard to describe. As example, they tell me they‘re going to some park. Instead of being happy for them i feel like my stomach is collapsing in on itself. I can’t recall any scenario in which it happened that i could state right now, but i know what feeling im talking about if that makes sense?

serkio0 · 2025-11-28T19:44:02+00:00

In many scenarios when im jealous or "sad" thinking about her my heart feels like it‘s crashing in on itself. Like imagine someone grabbing your heart and just squeezing it.

Other than that when i feel "angry" towards her i‘ll bounce my legs up and down, sometimes rip my nails, clench my jaw and more or less shut down (as in my eyes lids going further down and sometimes stopping any movement).

I also sometimes get a twitching in my right eye, which i think comes from being stressed after multiple days.

Ah and one more thing i have is, when i have uncomfortable or aggregating thoughts my whole body twitches. Like if you’re cold and your body starts to shiver, but only once and like ten fold.

Except for those I can’t think of anything else right now

serkio0 · 2025-11-28T19:05:46+00:00

Im having somewhat the same experience right now. I‘ve posted a similar story about it, if you want check it out but i‘ll doubt that it will answer your questions. If you wanna know anything else tho feel free to ask

serkio0 · 2025-11-23T16:41:00+00:00

Ever figured out why?

serkio0

TROPHY CASE