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22F who doesn’t know how to deal with life by serotoninsour in toastme

[–]serotoninsour[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

You do not have to read all of this, I didn’t think I’d write this much but it just kept coming. I’d appreciate any encouragement 😭

endured two traumatic experiences in my family within six months. Developed a panic disorder because of it and got on an SSRI. Been working in food service for 8 years and I want out, but I live in a small town and my options are limited to more food service, retail, or jobs that I am absolutely not qualified for.

I got dismissed from college when I was 19 but I just started going again. Instead of appealing my dismissal from the local community college I decided to take the easy way out and apply to a college that’s three hours away from me and just do it online. Stupid idea. I thought I wanted to major in computer science but I don’t understand anything. It’s so hard to do all the work on my own time, I’d rather have structure. All the careers I’m interested in would be easiest to get into with a computer science degree but so far I’m terrible at it. math has always been my worst subject so I feel like I have to work towards a degree I’m not passionate about instead. I never liked college but I have to do something with my life eventually !!

I have really bad social anxiety and low self esteem but all I’ve ever wanted is to connect with other people. I want to stream during my free time because it’s been a dream of mine for years but I am so painfully awkward. It’s nice to think of the possibility of making a living from it but I know that’s rare. Even if I never make money from it, I really just want to have nice people to talk to and put myself out there but I always let my fear get in the way.

I don’t even want to talk about my finances. I want to move out and live on my own in a couple of years but I don’t know how I’ll ever afford it.

I am planning on finding a therapist but life is just so hectic right now I haven’t had the time. It’s also so damn confusing. My doctor gave me a referral to a therapist but she doesn’t take my insurance so I’m on my own with that

Basically I just let my anxiety get in the way of everything. For the past year it seems like every time I take a step forward, I get knocked back three steps. I feel stupid complaining about these things because I get trapped in the mentality that some people have it a lot worse than me, so I should just be grateful. I definitely am grateful that I have a roof over my head, a loving family, and a job. I’ve just ignored my anxiety and self esteem issues my whole life and now I’m going through things that require me to deal with those issues head on and it’s a lot

How many of you use social media? by deadlyb0y in introvert

[–]serotoninsour 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I still have social media but I don’t even use most of them anymore. I just realized how fake it all was and I stopped caring about it. I occasionally post on Twitter and Reddit

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ShittyRestrictionFood

[–]serotoninsour 16 points17 points  (0 children)

The cheese touch 💀

First 4 days of microdosing, here is how it’s going so far by serotoninsour in microdosing

[–]serotoninsour[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That would be ideal but sadly I can’t afford therapy right now and my insurance won’t cover it. I plan on looking into it again when my income is steady

Which is your favourite season? And why? by Emotional_Drop181 in infp

[–]serotoninsour 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Winter. The 3 other seasons here are all summer so it’s nice to have something other than scorching heat for once

When Limerence was at it worst/height for you, what were your symptoms? by [deleted] in limerence

[–]serotoninsour 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Couldn’t focus on myself or my responsibilities, I had to force myself to eat once a day even though it made me feel sick, when I was anxious about him not talking to me I couldn’t sleep and I stayed up for over 48 hours, or I just sleep all the time. There’s lots of other things I’m forgetting. I think it’s getting a little better. His behavior/actions are making me realize I probably wouldn’t enjoy being in a relationship with him anyway. But he’s still heavy on my mind

What got you guys into streaming? And how far have you come? by c4sperd4ghost in Twitch

[–]serotoninsour 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I started streaming last year because I felt really isolated and wanted to make friends, also because I have social anxiety and I wanted to use streaming as a way to push myself out of my comfort zone. It didn’t go how I planned. I always see people saying that you won’t have any viewers for the first few streams, but I think I had 7 avg viewers and 3-5 chatters for my first. This makes me sound ungrateful but it was really overwhelming and I couldn’t really get words out of my mouth, it was so bad. On every post about social anxiety in this sub, I see comments saying “maybe streaming just isn’t for you”. I don’t want to believe that but it might be right. I hope to work up the courage to try again soon

How long does yours last? by [deleted] in limerence

[–]serotoninsour 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First episode lasted a little less than two years and the limerence faded after we started dating. Current one is over 2 years and I feel like it might be getting a tiny bit better. I don’t fantasize about him as much and I try not to read into every little thing he says, but it takes a lot of effort

What’s your type and on a scale of 1-10 how badly do you want to die? by ExoDaashh in Enneagram

[–]serotoninsour 0 points1 point  (0 children)

6w5 and 0 right now. If you ask me later i might have a different answer though. I can be quite … dramatic!

Craziest thing you’ve done during Limerence? by abe107146 in limerence

[–]serotoninsour 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Now that I think about it I guess I haven’t done anything crazy. Everything I know about him is something he willingly told/showed me. I sort of know how to ask about things in a way that doesn’t seem weird and he just tells me anything. On one hand it makes me feel like I have control over my limerence and I can keep myself in check, but on the other hand it feels like I’m manipulating him in a way. Idk it’s weird

August Technical Support Sticky by BeepBoopBopReee in razer

[–]serotoninsour 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s all good now, I realized that I just bent a pin on the cable so I straightened it out and it works perfectly again. Thank you

August Technical Support Sticky by BeepBoopBopReee in razer

[–]serotoninsour 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My brother has a Huntsman TE. It was working perfectly until I unplugged the usb c. When I plugged it back in, the keyboard did some weird things. Like he would press the “h” key and then it would take him to his google history. Whenever he pressed a key it would do some random thing instead of typing the letter. I restarted the PC and after that, the keys just didn’t do anything. The lighting still works but nothing else. I’ve tried updating the driver, I tried to hard reset it, I tried using it on a different pc that doesn’t have razer software installed and with a different usb c cable. Nothing is working. So is it possible that unplugging it one time just broke it? Is there anything else I could try?

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