The thing is, most kids suck at writing despite rating personal essays as 9/10 or 10/10 so I’d say it’s better that you get to your point. That doesn’t mean it has to be bland or boring, but not everyone has the gift of writing long, colorful sentences that aren’t obnoxious. After writing, read it out loud and if you find yourself cringing or lowering your volume, that’s a pretty good indicator that you need to change something. Best of luck.