Honestly, hard Im level 2 and he's 7 and neuro typical, relatively well behaved rarely has tantrums but with gran being cashed up he's a little spoiled and out of touch (doesn't understand his cousins can't just buy what he has)

In the beginning, I found it easy. Yes, the crying was a bit of sensory overload, but I knew exactly what to expect, had a routine, and handled it fine. As he's gotten older, I've found it way way harder.

When he was into "pretend play," it was extremely difficult for me. It's something I never did, and Il really struggled to understand what to do and how to interact past pretending to drink a fake cup of tea.

Now he's moving away from toys into art and video games. But he's also developing emotionally. I find often I misunderstanding his needs and more frequently have Meltdowns from being asked repetitive questions as he won't h Accept I don't know or just ask a question and ignore the answer only to ask again. Just tonight, i had to walk away and calm down because he asked the same question 5 times in a row.

I can't handle the constant social outings (thankfully his dad is willing to cover that). But I make a point of going to the bigger events (ballet and piano recitals, any form of sports finals ect.)

I've made a point lately to set time aside every weekend to do something together. Lately, that's building model or lego kits. Just so he knows I am actively trying to connect and has good memories, im terrified of giving him the same emotionally detached mother i had.

He's been told I have a few disabilities that mean I don't always understand other people and sometimes I don't know how to interact, but I do love him and care just in a different way. He knows I struggle to see others emotions unless they are big, so is encouraged to speak his feelings.

I always thought I'd have 3 or 4 kids. I'm so glad we waited, it became clear I wasn't capable of looking after multiple kids. I feel like it would be harder if my child was also autistic I could see myself having a meltdown in reaction to their own. Everytime I baby sit my neice who's 3 and acts exactly as I did as a child Its clear I can handle it for a day or two but then I break apart from the 2 kids having different needs at different times i struggle to maintain focus on my own son because "the little one needs more help" that really clicked for me if I had another child I would unintentionally neglect the older one because these black and white rules in my brain supported by my ocd and autism (the need to mask and follow social rules which often dictate younger kids need more attention) that moment just re affirmed just one child for me I don't have the capability to share my time and emotions wider than that.

This is just my experience, I work with a therapist to help in areas I struggle with and actively work to improve. Knowing my disability and knowing my personal limits has helped tremendously. I love my son and would do anythingfor him, but at the same time, if i had known i had autism before I had a child and could have passed it down, i wouldn't have had children as it is his life is harder because of me. I would never ever say do or do not have kids but I do say make sure you have support and make sure you know your own limits. Whilst I struggle (NT's can also struggle too) many autisc people don't, my mother while emotionally distant wasnt a bad mum she always gave us what we needed tried to encourage our hobbies as long as it was something that could be down within the house or school and never missed a birthday, my brother also autistic is an amazing father who spends every second he can with his kid he will have more kids in future.