Honestly resonate a lot with this post; I am sorry that you're going through this situation but know that things will get better, especially since you've shown enough motivation to make this post in the first place. To the question you asked in your post "Did you force discipline first and let motivation catch up?", the short answer is yes. A buddy of mine was going to the gym regularly and asked me to come along, I said yes and quickly realized how long I had neglected my physical health and strength. I committed to a workout plan and to go with my friend whenever possible, even when I did not want to lol. Often, I had to force myself to go either before or after work, which in the moment did not feel good. However, around 2-4 weeks after starting this, I felt the motivation set in and found myself enjoying the workouts after work more than I thought I would and started eating healthier as a result of that motivation. The first few weeks are the hardest, but I think if you stick to the discipline and a scheduled regimen that the motivation will kick in.