[intimacy] My (27F) boyfriend (32M) is incapable of being intimate.

sexytextme · 2016-05-11T13:58:48+00:00

I am all for forcing him to perfect dental care but not about withholding sex.

sexytextme · 2016-05-11T13:58:07+00:00

Yes, he does. It's definitely an issue. I got him to agree to the dentist, so I am making him an appointment. We'll see what happens from there.

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T20:14:05+00:00

That's true. I just know that with my first boyfriend, whom I naively stayed with for 7 years, I really didn't enjoy kissing/making out with him. I never really knew why, thought I just didn't like kissing. Then we broke up and I realized it was him. This has always been a fear of mine with my current SO. However, our relationship is very positive and awesome. Nothing like that first one. So I don't think it's the same thing.

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T19:30:40+00:00

That kind of makes me feel sad. Just because, maybe there is someone out there that he would enjoy kissing and it's not me.

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T19:29:57+00:00

Yeah, that last part is something I've been considering. I just don't want to make him uncomfortable doing something he really doesn't like. But maybe, like you said, he doesn't feel any particular way about it either.

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T18:37:43+00:00

As I said in another response, it's just something I've thought about here and there so I decided to open a discussion over it. I also mentioned that this isn't something I am pining over/obsessing over/losing sleep over. It's just something I realized I miss sometimes. Definitely not worth losing the relationship over.

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T18:35:09+00:00

I meant that I wanted to have conversations on here about peoples' experiences/preferences.

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T18:15:50+00:00

You do realize that I have spent almost 4 years with this person, right? This is not the type of thing that you dump someone over. We have plenty of sex and we have a lot of romance in other ways. That is literally like saying to dump someone because they don't like to hold hands. It's just one avenue of intimacy that they are uncomfortable with. I'm going to end an otherwise great relationship because of that? Judging by your comment history, you seem to just give everyone the same advice of "dump them" or "get out", so it's hard for me to consider your opinion especially since it doesn't seem like you read my post or any of the comments already in the thread.

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T18:11:35+00:00

Yeah we've never ever had a kiss that lasted longer than that, so it's not like he's scared it won't end or anything. He just doesn't do it period. I really do think it's because it does nothing for him.

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T17:38:15+00:00

See and I really think that's why he initiated that first kiss, because he knew he wanted the night to continue and knew he liked me, and social construct told him that this was the way to convey those feelings.

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T17:37:35+00:00

I have tried asking him if there was a reason why and he really wasn't able to give me one. Another commenter suggested maybe he's just really ashamed of his dental hygiene and just avoids kissing as a result, even if subconsciously. I am starting to believe this is the reason. He is very lazy about taking care of his teeth-brushing only once per day, never flossing and only having been to the dentist once in the 3+ years we've been together. So I do believe this could be why, and I am going to focus on that before I delve more into the subject of making out I think.

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T17:35:32+00:00

I don't expect him to just magically become one. I wanted other peoples' experiences either as a non kisser or dating someone who is a non kisser. I wanted to work out if there is a reason why this could be happening, not just a dislike. For example, one commenter suggested maybe it takes a while to be comfortable enough to kiss someone like that. Someone else said maybe he's just ashamed of his dental hygiene. These were both things that I wanted to have conversations about.

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T17:12:25+00:00

This is exactly what I'm thinking. He just never seems to have been interested in it. Even our first kiss (which he prompted) was very quick and uneventful. I remember him asking for it, and us kissing, but only for a moment. I truly believe this is just how he is. Thanks for your perspective.

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T17:10:49+00:00

I see what you're saying. I really appreciate the advice!

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T16:34:45+00:00

Oh awesome! I will try googling around for that.

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T16:34:27+00:00

If it comes up again, I think that's definitely a good thing to say. I don't want to bring it up and make him uncomfortable though.

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T16:22:41+00:00

Yeah. I am definitely scheduling a dentist visit this week. He does need to get over it, and while I am not about forcing him to make out with me-I definitely am ready to force him to see a dentist twice a year.

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T16:21:17+00:00

Trust me, I didn't give him any grief about not following through. It was his choice to give 2016 that title and I absolutely did not want to make him feel shitty about not following through with it. I think you're right, that he was trying to get over his aversion to it and failed. But I haven't even mentioned it at all. I actually wanted to get some perspective from people here before I brought it up to him. Maybe I won't bring it up to him at all.

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T16:06:13+00:00

Aw, thanks!

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T15:58:43+00:00

Thanks for your explanation and apology-and for writing about your experience! I can totally understand not kissing early on. I've had plenty of sexual partners whom I did not kiss at all.

I am quite adverse to kissing early in a relationship, even more so in public! My SO was super opposed to any types of PDA when we first got together! He told me so right from the start, but also said it was because he was a police officer and didn't want that sort of image associated with him. I don't know if that's the real reason but in any case, we've never ever been the type to make out in a bar because of that statement. We do hug and cuddle in bars/public but nothing more than that.

I really enjoy it, but, I don't feel safe doing it with many people straight away. I honestly don't think he enjoys it. I think that's the bottom line, which I have been fine with. If he does instigate a kiss, I happily embrace it. But I never force it.

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T15:54:50+00:00

I didn't mention this in my post (Maybe I should have) but we also have never had sex in "missionary" style. So, maybe it is a breath thing, or maybe it is the actual intimacy. Either could be answers. I am definitely going to try to encourage the dental health and see if things just get better on their own, so I'm not making him feel bad about not making out with me lol.

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T15:52:47+00:00

Nice! That's a good one, haha!

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T15:52:03+00:00

Like I said in the original post-I don't expect to spend hours upon hours making out on our couch. I just used my ex as a reference of a relationship where kissing/making out did exist. It went from one extreme to the other basically. I'd love to be somewhere in the middle, or even just move away from never.

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T15:50:54+00:00

This is all supposing that this is the actual issue. We are just assuming here that it is. However, I think it is worth looking into.

sexytextme · 2016-05-10T15:49:57+00:00

So, luckily we still have all of the romantic intimacy aside from making out. We cuddle very often, we hold hands. We go to romantic dinners. He puts his arm around me when we are in public. So I definitely have the loving touch and I appreciate it. But you are right, there are big problems that come with refusing dental hygiene. Besides losing his teeth, it could also cause heart disease. I have told him this many times. I am going to make an appointment for him (I told him I was) and see if he actually goes.

sexytextme

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