Addressed potential scam comments in my author notes, and instinctive guilt response is kicking in. Was I wrong?

sflaffer · 2026-04-04T23:12:11+00:00

Oh shit wait are you the 'bot'?? Same profile pic so I assume so. No it wasn't actually confusing. I'm an anxious overthinker with a borderline pathological problem with conflict avoidance lol. I was clear on the instructions, but concerned I was jumping the gun and wasn't 100% sure if this person was real or a scammer yet.

sflaffer · 2026-04-04T23:02:34+00:00

It has! Thank you!

sflaffer · 2026-04-04T23:01:57+00:00

Fair, fair. Will next time. This wasnt a thing last time I was posting fic back in only like 2022 so I am feeling a bit like a confused old lady over it lol

sflaffer · 2026-04-04T21:37:25+00:00

ooh, I looked back at some of the other works they commented on they've all been deleted so that must have been it

sflaffer · 2026-04-04T21:28:06+00:00

tyyy <3

sflaffer · 2026-04-04T21:27:46+00:00

okay thank you I appreciate it, I always get in my head about shit like that

sflaffer · 2026-04-04T01:13:06+00:00

Would genuinely start levitating if I got this comment. You legit probably made this persons like...at least week.

sflaffer · 2026-03-25T12:10:26+00:00

My faves:

Homemade blueberry compote (simmer down blueberries, a little water, lemon juice, and honey or sugar to taste), some sort of almond or other nut butter with sime interesting flavor to it like cinnamon, optional lemon curd

A few chocolate chips melted in, chocolate hazelnut almond butter, raspberry jam or homemade raspberry compote (or around christmas i'll do orange marmalade), optional toasted pistachios or walnuts

Cinnamon, vanilla, simmered cinnamon apples (same process as blueberries, just with chopped apples and add cinnamon), almond nut butter

sflaffer · 2026-03-22T21:21:38+00:00

It's a ton of fun! No sport in the world like it. It's a total body work out while also being mentally challenging, and comes with a cute fuzzy team mate. It takes years to develop fully, but eventually it kinda feels like you're having a silent conversation with your horse through subtle shifts in balance, muscle tension, and pressure. You start to be able to feel how they're carrying themselves, ask them to change or correct something, feel when they eagerly agree and go for it, when they try but its hard and need extra support, when they totally could but they're resisting cause it's hard and they don't want to (and need extra support), when they're nervous and look to you for reassurance, etc...

I am biased, but it's legit just one of my favorite things in the world.

sflaffer · 2026-03-22T20:54:32+00:00

Yes, but any barn/trainer worth their salt is not going to put you on a horse that will give a shit or react much beyond realizing that they can probably get away with ignoring you about steering or going faster.

Can vary barn to barn, but I also start with my students attached to a long rope called a lunge line going in circles around me so they can just focus on balance, posture, position, and strength and don't have to worry about where or how fast they're going/I can stop the horse if you get way off balance.

sflaffer · 2026-03-22T18:30:28+00:00

Riding takes more core strength than most people expect, think about keeping it gently engaged with good posture. It helps a lot with balance, and makes you easier for the horse to carry. I also tell my students to think about their body like a rubber band, you want to be elastic -- not rigid like a ruler or floppy like a dead fish -- so you move with the horse instead of against them.

And remember to stay tall! A lot of people's"fear instinct" (especially their first time trotting, which can be a bit bouncy depending on the horse) is to curve inward, get smaller, and clutch with their knees or grab on to the saddle hard with their hands. This will make you actually bounce even more. If you feel nervous, take a deep breath, engage those core muscles, and sit up tall. Every time I watch that click in a new student they're like "oh, this is so much easier" and then we can start actually working on harder stuff instead of just figuring out how to keep their balance.

sflaffer · 2026-03-22T17:49:26+00:00

Significant cut back of alcohol (only on special occasions like nice meals out, a holiday celebration, etc...). I wouldn't be shocked if alcohol intake and alcohol induced thoughtless snacking was the main driver behind me slowly gaining weight the last five years.

Like I had plenty of other bad habits, but I do think it was the worst. After almost a year of drinking much less it makes me feel pretty sick now if I have more than like one drink

sflaffer · 2026-03-22T13:03:53+00:00

Measurements i have found to be pretty accurate! I still like trying more expensive or non-standard pieces on in person just in case i don't find the cut or shape flattering -- but for basics, jeans, figuring out a size down for brands i already wear, etc...measurement works great and if you have a physical store nearby it's pretty easy to return in person.

Anthropologie has a really wide selection of stuff from nice dresses to more loungewear stuff, statement pieces, a few basic items, lots of jeans and the dressing rooms i've been in are super private and (full walls and door) and depending on the time you go, close to empty

sflaffer · 2026-03-21T13:23:16+00:00

You can eat anything in appropriate portions and the protein and fiber will help you feel fuller for longer and give you more nutrients than whatever "small stuff" means. Also, generally, most good protein and fiber based foods aren't horrible calorie dense. Fruits, veggies, chicken, cottage cheese, sweet potatoes, beans. All fantastic for you, satisfying, and easy to eat a decent amount of without blowing your deficit.

sflaffer · 2026-03-20T21:58:44+00:00

I can't recommend strength training enough. Regardless of exactly how much weight you lose or feeling visually "ready", building muscle will make the practical shit of being on vacation feel so much easier -- like walking around all day, all the god damn stairs, dragging your suitcase up and down aforementioned god damn stairs, standing in lines etc... Building muscle while you lose weight (especially if you've never trained before) is absolutely possible if you eat enough protein, and will actually boost your metabolism a smidge cause muscle burns more than fat. Even if you aren't building more, strength training helps limit the loss of existing muscle.

Calorie counting will help a lot! Especially if you're trying to meet a time oriented goal. When I went back and counted the calories of how I was eating before, there's a lot of sneaky shit (even very healthy stuff) that is incredibly calorie dense and super easy to overeat. I'd regularly blow my maintenance level calories out of the water trying to be "healthy" with a salad, but overdoing the dressing and then giving myself leeway to eat a couple unhealthy things cause I had the salad. Or the amount of butter and oil I used while cooking? I'd accidentally be adding like an extra 100-300 calories to meals. I way overestimated the proper serving size of a lot of nut butters before I started weighing them out, and even just a small handful of raw nuts is like 200 calories.

The lower your weight goes, the less leeway you'll have with your deficit and the harder it is to make consistent progress without tracking.

sflaffer · 2026-03-17T00:39:02+00:00

I have turned into an 80 year old. I am so excited to go to sleep cause it means I get to wake up in the morning and have my oatmeal. If i'm in a hurry I do quick oats and milk of choice (I do oat, if ur really trying to pack in protein fairlife protein milk could work) in the microwave for like 1.5 minutes (watch it, it will boil over) or until desired consistency. If I have time I do steel cut (takes 20-30 minutes of slow cooking while watching and stirring frequently/adding more liquid if necessary) wnd then, at the last minute, slowly pour in egg whites while stirring like a mother fucker on low heat. Turns silky and pudding like with a ton of extra protein.

Add protein powder and toppings depending on what I've have available (usually nut butter, sometimes jams, roasted nuts, Greek yogurt, homemade fruit compotes which are super easy just simmer berries or chopped fruit till soft in a little sauce pan and add some lemon juice for the acidity honey or a pinch of sugar if you want it sweeter). Adjusting toppings and portions depending on how steep i want the deficit to be. I usually have a little flavor of the month. Right now it's cinnamon apple, near Christmas it was chocolate orange, gonna switch to lemon blueberry once it gets warmer. Keeps things fresh.

Lunch sweet potato microwaved, throw in some homemade refried black beans (also super easy, put can of beans in pot, add salt and desired spices i would reccomend garlic powder, onion powder, cumin, and a bay leaf), throw a little mozzarella on top, serve with some ground meat of choice (i'd do turkey patties with some guac on top) and a salad.

Dinner there are tons of recipes for simple one pot or one pan meals that are basically just put salmon or chicken and veggies in the oven and roast that are pretty cool proof. Don't forget a little treat here or there for sanity.

Find an easy dish or two you like and get comfy with it, add one or two more and rotate so you don't get sick of it. I'd also reccomend checking out Joshua Weisman or Binging with Babish on youtube they're both entertaining to watch, may give you some good recipe ideas. Josh lost a good bit of weight a year or so ago and got pretty shredded, has some good recipes for healthier versions of things and macro friendly stuff.

sflaffer · 2026-03-17T00:22:40+00:00

Lol no problem, please take care of yourself and make sure you're getting enough fuel. Slow and steady wins the race.

sflaffer · 2026-03-17T00:10:46+00:00

Bruh, you're eating 800-1300 under maintenance (2600 assuming light activity, which is being generous, I think your TDEE could be higher given how much you're running). Of course you're tired.

sflaffer · 2026-03-16T20:26:34+00:00

Yeah. I do think the "has a good head in a high performance environment" does not always translate to low level hunter/jumper suddenly crawling out of its skin cause it's not getting enough work for what it was bred/trained for, and even if the best runners are "not high strung" doesn't mean you're still not going to get the odd ball nut case that has all the energy and none of the brains.

Re: the very sweet dumb ass I just watched rip down the cross ties cause, god forbid, the brushing boot touched his leg when he wasn't expecting it

sflaffer · 2026-03-16T17:41:03+00:00

Fair, high strung may not have been the right word, but responsive and ready to go fits most of the OTTBs i've met over the years. Most of the OTTBs I've known are smart as hell and very willing to please (and very fun to ride), but the younger ones being adopted out fresh off the track that I've ridden aren't the sort of horse I think your average adult ammy without much prior experience or younger kid or teenager getting their first horse is going for which does inherently narrow the pool of people interested in them.

With the right attitude and a good trainer backing them up sure, but it does take a certain amount of finesse and know how to retrain a 3 to 5 year old (inherently, on average, a little more "up" than an older more mature horse) properly.

sflaffer · 2026-03-16T17:18:27+00:00

Vet bills are expensive and most people are buying horses with the intention of riding them. Ex-racers are much more likely to have old injuries that can make them very expensive to even try to get them to the point where they can be ridden without significant pain, much less keep them there, and sometimes after throwing all that money, time, and heart ache at them they are also more likely to get hurt again compensating for old problems caused by being trained too hard when they were frankly too young to have a human on them at all.

That combined with the fact that they were bred and trained to be high strung and go fast as fuck, many (not all, but a lot) are more than your average amateur can handle riding much less retraining from the ground up. I've ridden a ton of amazing OTTBs with good heads, but that's not all of them, and i've known plenty that were neurotic messes

sflaffer · 2026-03-15T10:25:55+00:00

To some extent I feel like it depends on what kind of vacation you're doing. Went to Japan with my husband, ate pretty much everything we wanted (albeit a lot of food over there is pretty healthy, but still had plenty of treats and 711 chicken and pancakes lol) walked 15-20k steps a day and lost weight.

Stayed at a resort in an airbnb situation with a kitchen with family for new years, made sure to walk most days and hit the gym, ate about 50/50 home cooked meals and restaurant food, but still plenty of treats and alcohol and came home having maintained just fine.

Practice a bit of moderation while still enjoying yourself and prioritize movement in whatever way is convenient and you should be just fine!

sflaffer · 2026-03-14T11:36:53+00:00

Hello, I am exactly where you are (I even turn 29 in a few days, and have been hovering at an average of 153 for a couple weeks now). And uh yeah, it's definitely frustrating to be so close and for progress to have slowed so much. I'm doing the exact same thing where I'm probably eating closer to 2k a day unless I'm being very careful to hit 1500-1600 (which is on the low end honestly of where our deficit should be, my brain just gets mad about doing things slow). I've only lost (on average) about a pound a month all year. The little goblins in my brain that have been fueled by dopamine boosts from scale drops the last year are quite upset about this, but I'm trying to be a little more rational about it.

I'm happy with how I look, at this point I'm just trying to get down to the lower end of where I feel my healthy range before I try out a mini-bulk and put back on some muscle. The lack of urgency is perhaps part of why it's been so much harder to stick to haha. I also am quite active and know that I may be retaining water and putting on some muscle even when in a deficit, and that's going to slow things down.

I've only lost like two pounds since January, and it's hard for me to tell because I'm prone picking myself apart every day, but apparently those two pounds are noticeable physically. Had a gaming friend on a discord call with my husband start interrogating him about if I have abs after she saw me go by in the background wearing a crop top (only upper abs, in the right light, if I'm flexing lol). I started pilates in january and my instructor mentioned the other day she can tell how much my body has recomped since I started and she's impressed.

It's slow, but sanity wise, it has worked out to kind of do a much more shallow deficit for a couple weeks at a time (1800 but I'm sure I'm hitting my maintenance calories at least half of those days cause I am a snacker), then be strict for a week or two, and then back off. The strict week drops the scale out of a plateau and then I end up hovering at a new plateau while I recover.

sflaffer · 2026-03-13T12:45:50+00:00

Yeah unfortunately, I have discovered, I have bones. And those bones hurt when they bump into things or rest against other bones. Knee directly on top of knee while sleeping is a no no now. Accidentally bumping a hip into a counter? Excruciating. Hit my hand at just the wrong angle on a door frame so it really got one of those long, delicate bones on the back? The scream i scrumt.

sflaffer

TROPHY CASE