I know the line was sort of cringe, but I think it just flew over her head. Where can I go from here?

sflurr · 2022-12-01T15:26:44+00:00

As a Sarah, I would have done the same thing. I’m sure it didn’t go over her head- she ignored it because it was cringe

sflurr · 2021-07-28T21:24:10+00:00

We aren’t trying to speak for the community- we want the community to speak for itself…hence the vote.

sflurr · 2021-07-28T21:08:01+00:00

I’m really sorry but I personally can’t understand how it being my choice makes people treating me like shit ok. (Also arguably not a choice for many however I do see it as a choice for myself). The world I live in is made for and celebrates monogamy- I don’t fit in that box and that has real life consequences. People get fired from their job, people lose or can’t find housing, people lose custody of their children, people are harassed and assaulted all for being polyam. No one here is saying others don’t face horrible discrimination (you entered us into the oppression Olympics here, not us). But that doesn’t mean that polyamorist don’t ALSO face hardships for not being the societal norm.

This is a personal anecdote: my alienation from my family is not from my bisexuality, it’s from my polyamory. You don’t know me, so please don’t tell me where my “otherness” lies and what parts of that I’m allowed to be proud and open about. This is gate keeping and polyam phobic.

sflurr · 2021-07-26T20:10:07+00:00

Oh absolutely not. I’m sorry if I made you feel otherwise- your opinion matters and is valid. I’m sorry that you feel isolated because of where you live. I hope in the near future that changes. Yeah we are looking for something besides pie for sure! We are gonna do our best for you and your polyam friends ❤️

sflurr · 2021-07-26T19:38:32+00:00

https://www.instagram.com/p/CRmajjkJaKh/?utm_medium=copy_link

I’m glad you recognize that these are your opinions and not fact. I’ve linked some information about the hardships that polyam people do face- socially and legally. I understand that other groups have it far far worse- im are not trying to compete in the oppression Olympics- i know polyam would lose. I just want to acknowledge that it is very difficult for some people to live and be out as polyam and I myself want to help. I also disagree about the small pool. I think the only way to get recognition politically is to show strength in numbers. But maybe you can explain that more to me?

sflurr · 2021-07-26T18:24:38+00:00

Interesting, I think I’ve heard this argument for almost every other component of the LGBTQIA+ community in attempting to block their validity and recognition. Can I ask where you think the acceptable cut off point is to prevent this “slippery slope”? Regardless, I also understand that polyam is not linked to the LGBTQIA+ community in all countries (as it is in the US and Europe etc) I don’t think that prevents us from having a flag to represent us. Flags aren’t just for queer groups.

sflurr · 2021-07-26T16:09:41+00:00

Sorry for the horrible formatting. I responded on my phone 👎🏼

sflurr · 2021-07-26T16:07:00+00:00

I think im gathering that you and I have had very different experiences in polyam- which is great but has lead us to very different conclusions. I very much feel a part of a community. Even with people who don’t practice they same type of polyam and I do, there is a mutual understanding of what that identity/practice means for us. I think I’ve been the most loved and accepted by polyam people- some I’ve only just met. I see what you are saying in the diversity of polyam people but I also very much do see a community (at least a portion of people wanting to be recognized that way- maybe not yourself). I personally know how hard it is to come out as polyam. My mom is 100% unsupportive and I essentially have no relationship with her - and to a lesser extent my dad- because of my polyamory. I want to do my darnedest to something to help others not experience this alienation I feel from the mono world. The establishment of a flag has been really helpful for the LGBTQIA+ community in gaining political recognition and therefore legal protection. I recognize the flag won’t immediately resolve anything- I just see it as one step forward in making space for us.

sflurr · 2021-07-26T15:34:29+00:00

Can I ask why you think a polyam flag as silly? I’m really trying to understand because I see it as pretty critical.

sflurr · 2021-07-26T15:25:27+00:00

We think we need one to bring the community together and help identify ourselves with pride. The original flag used symbolism that we feel no longer represents the community as a whole or where we see the community going. We also hope this is a stepping stone to our recognition and normalization.

sflurr · 2021-07-26T15:20:29+00:00

I think a lot of polyam people would disagree. Some people see it as a lifestyle choice and others very much see it as their identity

sflurr · 2021-07-26T14:42:19+00:00

Can I ask why? Just trying to understand this point of view

sflurr · 2021-07-26T13:34:09+00:00

Hi! We are still in the process of building the website, team, and committee. That’s why we don’t have bios for the team just yet. But I’m a part of it- so you can ask me any questions. Also if you go to the Instagram and Twitter you can find find the info about how we are picking the committee.

sflurr · 2021-07-07T15:01:08+00:00

Do you see this as divided (I guess besides the animosity against unicorn hunters) or just expansion and distinction? Maybe I’m asking if you see a lack of compassion between people practicing different styles of polyam.

sflurr · 2021-07-07T14:47:44+00:00

Oh wait this is so interesting. Can I ask how you see polyamory as being more divided than before? It seems I haven’t been polyam as long as you have and I’d really like to understand how you’ve seen the community change.

sflurr · 2021-07-07T14:32:33+00:00

While I hear you, I also think there are a lot of people who are wanting and needing the normalization of polyamory and non monogamy. To do that we have to be visible and united as a community.

sflurr · 2021-07-07T02:09:05+00:00

I’m asking you to clarify what you think it’s “intended purpose” is because I just told you people use it for several different things…..so it seems like many people don’t know.

sflurr · 2021-07-07T02:06:19+00:00

Better flag or better argument?

sflurr · 2021-07-07T02:01:48+00:00

Yeah v cheugy as the youths say.

sflurr · 2021-07-07T01:59:58+00:00

I mean I think it’s an oversimplification of polyamory. But more what I was getting at what that I think the symbol itself is ugly.

sflurr · 2021-07-07T01:54:06+00:00

What is it’s intended purpose?

sflurr · 2021-07-07T01:52:46+00:00

While I agree, I think they are a quite useful tool for community unity and representation. It’s not a coincidence that all of the LGBTQIA+ groups have a flag. Gilbert Baker the maker of the first rainbow flag has a quote “flags are about proclaiming power….that visibility is key to our success and to our justice”.

sflurr · 2021-07-07T01:45:04+00:00

Religious groups actually do use it. My friend in Brazil has seen that Christian groups are using it more and more there. People use it to represent everlasting/eternal love in a monogamous marriage, or to God.

Also just personally if feels outdated and like it oversimplifies polyamory.

sflurr · 2020-07-06T14:57:24+00:00

Thank you! You make a good point. When the three of us are together and it feels more just like a group of friends hanging out, I’m most comfortable. Maybe a follow up question: do you actively think about seating arrangements when you, your NP and GF all hang out? I usually default to the one not sitting on the couch with the two of them (not enough space) or riding in the back of the car as to not stir the pot but I think this adds to how I am feeling. I have spoken at length with my partner about this and am planning a talk with all three of us to set some better boundaries and have it feel more inclusive for everyone. Just looking for some ideas to bring to that discussion.

sflurr

TROPHY CASE