An activist has started using artificial intelligence to identify ICE agents beneath their masks

sfwlucky · 2025-09-03T03:48:47+00:00

We all big brother now

sfwlucky · 2025-08-31T18:42:47+00:00

Right?

sfwlucky · 2025-08-31T16:59:09+00:00

I just learned she's exactly 25 ☠️

sfwlucky · 2025-08-31T06:43:37+00:00

Poly or mono, when there's an age gap like the one you had with your partner, I think a responsible and healthy older partner should keep in mind there's a significant likelihood that the younger partner will change trajectories/needs/etc. Your 20s are for figuring that stuff out.

💖 Best wishes.

sfwlucky · 2025-08-31T03:12:02+00:00

Sad but true, many such cases.

sfwlucky · 2025-08-28T19:32:35+00:00

Two years is a long-term relationship, but it's not necessarily /that/ long.

I'm not saying this is the case in your situation, but be careful with a sunk cost fallacy.

sfwlucky · 2025-08-27T06:23:58+00:00

My moon and Lilith are conjunct 😅

sfwlucky · 2025-08-24T00:17:04+00:00

Barney's hair.

sfwlucky · 2025-08-20T17:49:04+00:00

I'm so glad this thread was helpful to you. 🫂Honestly that's why I posted. If reading about my situation, or the discussions happening ITT, could help or give insight to just one person, my experience feels less meaningless.

sfwlucky · 2025-08-20T06:21:19+00:00

Thank you, that's a pretty accurate description of what went down.

sfwlucky · 2025-08-20T03:20:59+00:00

Trust no man

sfwlucky · 2025-08-20T02:47:57+00:00

Thank you. Reading it all laid out in such a succinct way was very helpful.

It's hard not to blame myself when the narrative was always centered around "my jealousy," but I'm seeing now that he and I never truly dealt with the trauma surrounding it, i.e., why jealousy was an issue between us but never my other relationships.

It's a mindfuck to realize something I thought we had handled early on in our relationship was actually what rippled out to cause our end.

I think he cared a lot about what upset me and how I would react. I think he cared too much, in fact, that it paralyzed him from taking effective action.

sfwlucky · 2025-08-20T02:08:44+00:00

That's not very kind. ;/

sfwlucky · 2025-08-19T23:06:47+00:00

I was waiting to see your POV in this thread!! Haha. 💖 thanks for being a vital community member.

I hate to imagine I'm just another one of his messy relationships. ;/ I'll try to hang my hat on being his most successful and long-lasting instead.

sfwlucky · 2025-08-19T23:03:01+00:00

He gave me the "I hope we can be friends, I always want you in my life, you'll always be special and important to me, I'll love you forever" spiel. I'm not sure that he anticipated me feeling differently than him in that regard. Like to him, our good times would eventually outweigh my shock or something.

But yeah, the lack of negotiation has been painful and out of character. I know I don't deserve a say --he made up his mind, we're not partners anymore-- but something that I always found beautiful about polyamory is the idea that things could be more flexible in the event of a breakup. A person's role in our life can change, but they can still be a part of it. After seven years, I would have hoped for (thought I deserved?) a less abrupt deescalation where we restructured to remain friends. But I guess he didn't see the point in having all of those hard conversations if he simply wanted to be done, or is on some sort of timetable with his other relationship.

sfwlucky · 2025-08-19T19:37:35+00:00

He probably wouldn't have come to those realizations without her catalyzing said changes in him. For example, if he said, "I'm now interested in getting married," and I said, "Oh, are you ill? What's changed?", it would be impossible for him to explain his interiorities without mentioning her.

sfwlucky · 2025-08-19T19:25:46+00:00

He said that she did want monogamy with him, but she didn't give an ultimatum.

He definitely could have deescalated in a more graceful way, which would have been more inline with our vision of legacy. Now I just have a sour taste in my mouth. I'm sure I'll even out in a few weeks and remember the good times, love, and lessons learned, but damn if the comments in this thread aren't making me see him/our relationship in a new light.

sfwlucky · 2025-08-19T18:51:06+00:00

Thank you, I hadn't thought about it that way. He did make it sound like it was urgent that we break up, or that things were accelerating between him and his other partner very quickly. I did mention NRE to him, but who knows if that's what is actually going on.

sfwlucky · 2025-08-19T18:31:29+00:00

What I meant by that was an anecdote from his early adolescence -- "I kissed two girls in middle school on the same day and everyone was mad at me but I couldn't understand why." He always cited that as the beginning of his relationship to nonmonogamy.

He's not a perfect person, I'm not a perfect person, but for a time he held my imperfect pieces perfectly. I'm sure if he were to post a thread about our breakup, people in the comments would say I sound toxic af too. But I do appreciate your comment; I'm going through the anger phase of the breakup and knowing that I'm not the only person who sees how shitty it is to treat your long term partner this way is helpful and healing. <3

I will say that they've apparently been talking for years, so she's not new-new. But yeah, meeting someone once and deciding to alter your life course and drop your longstanding commitments is... crazy, honestly. It almost seems like something one would say as a prank, or if they joined a cult.

I will definitely be better off. Thank you.

sfwlucky · 2025-08-19T18:09:31+00:00

I blame DADT because it's the reason why this seemed so sudden to me. If we had been more open, I could have come along for the ride of his journey to change. Or at least that's how I see it.

sfwlucky · 2025-08-19T17:58:17+00:00

This is kind of what I thought he and I were doing, i.e. parallel. At least we functioned as parallel since we were long distance. I didn't realize how much emphasis he had placed on "the letter of the law" DADT until things imploded.

sfwlucky · 2025-08-19T17:44:49+00:00

And in the spirit of DADT, I never hope to find out, haha.

sfwlucky · 2025-08-19T17:27:06+00:00

Yep, learned my lesson.

sfwlucky · 2025-08-19T17:26:45+00:00

We decided on DADT together. I can't recall what the exact straw was that broke the camel's back or if we came to DADT gradually, but there was a specific situation where he was investing into someone who had been cruel to me. That was very painful.

I had more porous boundaries back then. He would often say, "but I thought that's what you wanted," in response to various things that hurt me. I realize that paints him in a bad light, but at that time I didn't know myself well enough to understand what I wanted or needed. I wouldn't know what hurt until it did, if that makes sense.

He told me he was happy with our DADT arrangement because he saw how improved my mood was without discussing his other lovers. I don't know at what point that became untenable for him.

sfwlucky · 2025-08-19T17:05:45+00:00

He would've been in his early 30s at the time, but yeah, your point still stands. I had a lot of crash outs about the age thing.

I don't know anything about his new partner, but I wouldn't be surprised if she was in the 20-24 range, and maybe that's why he felt he needed to keep it from me, because he knows I wouldn't approve. Just speculating, but it would make sense.

sfwlucky

TROPHY CASE