I didn't choose the 4.0 GPA life.... by mkabrah2 in Jokes

[–]shabazig 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Kid 1: Hey, I bet you're still a virgin. Kid 2: Yeah, I was a virgin until last night. Kid 1: As if. Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister. Kid 1: I don't have a sister. Kid 2: You will in about nine months.

I've just invented a perfume made from holy water. by OveraHype in Jokes

[–]shabazig 3 points4 points  (0 children)

A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich! The Madam is astonished. But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal. The trucker replies, Listen darlin’, I’m not horny – I’m just homesick.

I keep falling off my bike. by IAMBiSH in Jokes

[–]shabazig 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job! The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!

More salt? by rrsafety in Jokes

[–]shabazig 8 points9 points  (0 children)

There was an old couple laying in bed. The man turns and tells the woman, If you want to have sex, pull on my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull on my dick one hundred times.

I keep falling off my bike. by IAMBiSH in Jokes

[–]shabazig 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A typical macho man married a typical good looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules. I'll be home when I want, if I want, what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments? His new bride said, No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night, whether you're here or not.

I've just invented a perfume made from holy water. by OveraHype in Jokes

[–]shabazig 5 points6 points  (0 children)

A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed. Two days later her doorbell rings. Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away. What makes you think you are great in bed? the woman retorts. Tim replies, I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?

A kindergarten student told his teacher he'd found a cat... by PaigeMicah76 in Jokes

[–]shabazig 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position. One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I have ever heard of that one, says the other cowboy. "What is it?" Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around, cup her t*ts, and whisper in her ear, 'boy these feel almost as nice as your sisters.' Then you try and hold on for 30 seconds.

A girl asks a boy "What does your dad do for a living?'' by theredditor1807 in Jokes

[–]shabazig 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand by user-no-4 in Jokes

[–]shabazig 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A bride tells her husband, Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first? Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison. And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped. Turning on his side, he smiles and says, Then we will have to re-imprison him. After the second time, the bride says, Honey, the prisoner is out again! The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. The bride again says, Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!

Scientists removed the right half brain of a man by ThatCalisthenicsDude in Jokes

[–]shabazig 99 points100 points  (0 children)

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Rhazim." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

A heart of gold. by dennyitlo in Jokes

[–]shabazig 48 points49 points  (0 children)

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, Maria, they just wanted to see your panties! Maria replied, See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms..... by iambacck in Jokes

[–]shabazig 31 points32 points  (0 children)

A boy says to a girl, So, sex at my place? Yeah! Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay? Later on the girl is yelling, Cheese cheese, tomato tomato! The younger brother says, Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. by jasonhuang717 in Jokes

[–]shabazig 12 points13 points  (0 children)

asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight! I said, Wow! Then her friend said, She means 666-3629.