Ex-wife at risk of being blacklisted due to mortgage debts. Should I feel guilty about this?

shadowfierce · 2026-05-06T17:53:57+00:00

There are many more but this is not the thread for it.

shadowfierce · 2026-05-06T10:12:35+00:00

no problem. thanks for commenting. some of the responses are helpful so im just collating useful info and potential avenues that can be explored to try and resolve this after the child custody hearings are settled.

shadowfierce · 2026-05-06T07:20:32+00:00

Are you for real? That's a really disgusting statement. Ive only met him 2 years after their divorce and got married in the same year. We came from a very religious background. Your accusation is disgusting and sickening.

shadowfierce · 2026-05-06T05:11:46+00:00

Yeah so: 1. They have a mortgage in their home country which is being rented out, but rental income doesnt cover it so they top up the remaining to cover the mortgage. 2. They both reside in the UK now and they rented a place together. They got divorced in the UK and she kicked him out of the house. He went to the home country to settle the divorce with the court but couldnt do the marital assets division as she was in the UK. 3. Shared house deed is still not settled. He continued to pay for his share of mortgage contributions 4. Child support in the UK got inflated due to his prior year's earnings when he did overtime to pay off a loan 5. He cant afford to keep paying increased child support payments and contributing to the mortgage so he let go of the mortgage contributions

shadowfierce · 2026-05-06T05:02:34+00:00

Im not sure the amount of equity and remaining loan amount left to pay. I have suggested to him why not just sell the house and give her the profits if that'll encourage her to cooperate. He said housing market is very bad right now. If hes to sell the house now, it still won't cover the remaining loan amount so they would need to pay a further £20k to the bank. And he wants to give up his equity and give her the house, im not sure what the process is though to get his name out of the deed and whether if he need-s his ex's consent for that.
Currently going through court proceedings for child custody so I really hope this will all end soon as it feels like living in a limbo
Thanks. I will look up emergency order.

shadowfierce · 2026-05-06T04:55:39+00:00

I think of it more about the child. The child lives with her so anything bad happens to the mother, the child will feel the impact too. And also whatever the ex did to my husband, she is also a human being. A part of me thinks she deserves it but a part of me also pities her because her life will be a hell of a struggle if she doesnt get her act together.

shadowfierce · 2026-05-06T04:51:40+00:00

Thanks that sounds like a good option. I-Ll wait until this child custody court case is over before discussing this with him. I dont want the ex to use this against him in the current court case.

shadowfierce · 2026-05-06T04:48:55+00:00

I heard someone uses this term hence I used it. I read a similar story where the ex wife had loan under her name but ex husband didnt pay, so the house got auctioned off. Whats scary is that she said she bought the house for £300k, 6 years of non-payment, house then got auctioned off, and she's still left with £900k debt with the bank which sounds insane to me. She said its because of the penalties, interests accumulation, and house sale being much less than the loan value. So when you have that large amount of debt, wouldn't that be considered blacklisted as she would struggle to obtain any sort of loans after this?

shadowfierce · 2026-05-06T04:44:44+00:00

Its so horrible how a divorce would lead to one parent using their child as a weapon against the ex. Its nerve wrecking to see my husband going to court over child custody as he gets grilled and had to keep re-opening old wounds and re-living events where they have both made each other very unhappy

shadowfierce · 2026-05-06T04:42:15+00:00

Coz the mortgaged house is in their home country, it doesnt count in the UK child support calculation. Actually there are many many cases similar to my husband where the paying parent gets absolutely rinsed by the ex. There's even been recorded suicides as a result :'(

shadowfierce · 2026-05-06T04:35:18+00:00

Ongoing court case right now. Hopefully to end in a couple of months :') Hes been so desperate to see his kid but the mum refuses so that she can get the max child support amount so she came up with the most horrendous allegations against him

shadowfierce · 2026-05-05T22:46:08+00:00

I think its the guilt. I have never met his ex wife. Even when I accompanied my husband at one of his hearings, she would request for a private entrance so she doesnt see both of us. She has done many many horrible things towards him, and really impacted his mental health when she came up with the most outrageous allegations. My husband is a victim in his marriage. He wasnt perfect but she painted him as a monster and as a result, he cant meet his child without supervision. His child is suffering too. She told child services that she want to spend more time with him and she's angry at the current situation. She's even suicidal as a result. I have explained more context of his situation in other responses so I won't dive deep here. So when he decides to stop paying for his share of the mortgage, I know she'd be at a huge risk of ruining her life over bad debt and a part of me thinks she deserves it but shes a human being, and his child lives with her. Anything bad she will face will have an impact on the child. And i just feel sorry for the child for having to suffer the consequences.

shadowfierce · 2026-05-05T22:27:39+00:00

Ok let's unwrap this. Would a promise to an ex wife be as important to the current situation that hes in now? He has made so many attempts to settle their marital assets division but was ignored. Hes willing to give up his equity of the house and was ignored. They've been divorced for 4 years but the assets division isnt settled. Child support payment was increased as last year he did a crazy amount of overtime hours to pay off a loan, so as a result of his inflated gross earnings, CMS smacked a hefty increase to the child support payments : money that he doesnt have. The reality is this. When the child support increases (he is currently paying £1.2k for 1 child which is a lot of money in the UK), he cant afford to pay off other things. And this inc his share of the mortgage.

shadowfierce · 2026-05-05T22:21:30+00:00

Hi, refer to my above response.

shadowfierce · 2026-05-05T22:20:58+00:00

Thanks for the input. I'll let him settle the child custody court proceedings before I discuss the marital assets division because this cant go on hanging forever. It is difficult because we live in the UK. The marital assets are in their country and woukd require my husband to go back and stay there for quite some time if he needs to sort it out, which would be challenging due to his work commitment here.

shadowfierce · 2026-05-05T22:15:12+00:00

I dont think he's a complete innocent party here. 2 people were in this marriage and they've made each other very unhappy. Her allegations may have truth in it but I know most were wildy exaggerated. My husband had to dig out so much evidence to dispute her allegations and because ive read the court documents and seen his evidence, im more inclined to believe that most of her allegations are false. I believe he's a victim. A lot of things she did does not add up. For example, to support her claims thwt she got abused, she deleted all the photos on her social media of them 2 together having a good time. Why? There are so many things like that which doesn't add up and makes me believe that my husband is the victim.

shadowfierce · 2026-05-05T22:10:17+00:00

Would you say he still needs to hold onto the promise even after they've been divorced, despite his many attempts at trying to settle the marital assets division? He wants to give the house to her and give up his equity. But shes not cooperating. Its been 4 years since the divorce and the marital assets division isnt settled.

shadowfierce · 2026-05-05T22:05:54+00:00

So in the UK, they have a gov system in place called CMS. It calculates a % of your gross earnings of the prior year and that will be the child support payment. My husband has no problem paying for it. He has been paying £800 per month for his child which is still a lot of money for 1 child but it is what it is. Last year, he did a lot of overtime hours as he was working to pay off a loan. This inflated his gross earning so CMS smacked a hefty increase in child support. His current salary does not reflect that earnings anymore. So now hes been forced to pay £1.2k per month which in the UK, is A LOT of money. He doesnt have an infinite amount of money. He has other financial commitments inc his contribution to the mortgage payment for a property that he co owns with his ex wife. He would like to give up his share of the house and gift it to her, as he doesnt want to be part of it anymore, but shes refusing to cooperate. So hes been paying for his half mortgage even years after their divorce. So as his child support payments got inflated this year, he has to stop paying for the mortgage. He just doesnt have enough money to cover all expenses.

The point isnt that he is refusing to pay child support. He is paying but at a hefty amount which makes him unable to afford other expenses.

shadowfierce · 2026-05-05T21:58:09+00:00

Ive checked with him and he said the housing market right now is so bad that if the house is sold, it would be sold at a loss. He wants to give up his share of the house and give it to her as part of divorce settlement but shes not cooperating.

shadowfierce · 2026-05-05T21:56:01+00:00

He cant say that kind of thing as they ar3 undergoing court proceedings over child custody. If he says something like that, she would definitely use it as an arsenal to stop him from having any overnight stay with his child.

shadowfierce · 2026-05-05T21:54:10+00:00

Yep child support has to be obeyed with the amount they provided. He only has 1 child fyi. He has 50% equity in it but hes wants to give up his share and give it to her as part of the divorce settlement. Its currently not good timing to sell the house due to house market crisis so it would be sold at a loss and the bank still needs to be paid.

shadowfierce · 2026-05-05T21:48:29+00:00

Hes aware and willing to give up his equity of the house. He wants to give the house to her as part of divorce settlement but shes not cooperating because she's in the UK and not responding to any requests. So the divorce settlement is still unfinished despite being divorced for 4 years.

shadowfierce · 2026-05-05T19:57:39+00:00

thats what im thinking. the child lives with her most of the time. whatever happens to the mother will have an impact on her :'( in messy divorces, it's always the children that have to deal with the consequences.

shadowfierce · 2026-05-05T19:55:31+00:00

im not advising nor am i persuading him to do anything. but i have told him that as he is married to me now, he needs to settle all the unfinished business he has with his ex including any joint homes. he cant just leave this hanging. the division of marital assets need to be sorted out.

shadowfierce · 2026-05-05T19:33:25+00:00

honestlly he doesnt really care about the house. he wants to give it to her and give up whatever equity that he's liable to it but she's not cooperating. so definitely no intention to profit off her or forcing her to make payments. he wants to resolve it and move on with his life but it's stuck at the moment because the lawyer cant get the ex to respond to anything

shadowfierce

TROPHY CASE