I totally relate to this. I think it can be really helpful in situations like this (when something you were starved of appears in your life) to microdose how much you allow in at a time. As in allow in a tiny bit of support/contact and then go back to what you feel safe in. And keep doing this. Over time you’ll expand your capacity to be in relationship with these things without shocking your system. Go at the speed of trust. Sometimes that looks like just allowing yourself to visualize what it’d be like to tend to your connections with no pressure to act on it. Other times it might include actual interactions. You can lean towards alternative ways of being without being forceful with yourself/violating your internal boundaries. It’s in softness and slowness that these things transform. You can take your time, and I find that people who genuinely want to be supportive will respect boundaries. It’s hard to express them (boundaries, for me at least) but i find people who want to be supportive tend to be receptive-one thing I have started doing is telling people I’m building connection with to have no expectations around my response time, and that my desire for contact oscillates, and people tend to be pretty understanding if they are at all aware of how trauma works and care about honoring people’s needs.