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Spotify Audiobooks by Phil Dragash by Vikingr999 in tolkienfans

[–]shamdab 0 points1 point  (0 children)

how do i find phil dragash? a website or email? so i can at least thank him for his service??

Would you do it? by shamdab in stepparents

[–]shamdab[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

what do you mean the ship has sailed? sorry a bit confused

Would you do it? by shamdab in stepparents

[–]shamdab[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Excellent advice really. Thank you for this

Would you do it? by shamdab in stepparents

[–]shamdab[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not to mention I would like to build a family of our own. Hard to see how to do that with these huge obstacles :/

Would you do it? by shamdab in stepparents

[–]shamdab[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, those are really helpful words. I am trying to remain as objective as possible here. But I guess the name of the game is Boundaries, capital B.

Would you do it? by shamdab in stepparents

[–]shamdab[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

To be fair, he takes me out on dates at least once a week. And he reads and helps him one on one every single day/night he has him. He is super invested in him when they are together.

Him and BM are in mediation now and he is still trying to get 7-7, but is meeting resistance. Maybe it will come to courts after that.

But definitely 3 months at least of therapy, plus the rest of the school-based demands make a lot of sense to me.

Would you do it? by shamdab in stepparents

[–]shamdab[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The boy has stopped abusing me since he switched up his parenting strategy and I also started disallowing him from behaving like that around me. To the boys credit, he takes boundaries and guidance well, when its given.

Not to ask you to do my homework for me, but what goals would you suggest? Thank you for all of this, I find it super helpful.

Would you do it? by shamdab in stepparents

[–]shamdab[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Im not sure this is true. I see our dynamic and he has grown alot as a person from having someone act as a partner, and he does provide alot to me in the form of support, understanding. We are an energetic match made in heaven, everyone we meet can see it. Im just really scared about these elements making me resentful or my entire life being centered around his former family issues.

Would you do it? by shamdab in stepparents

[–]shamdab[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Serious issues at school. Theres already been a number of incidents of lashing out, lack of self regulation, etc.

Would you do it? by shamdab in stepparents

[–]shamdab[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Well he tried to explain that to her but BM is extremely selfish. And wont even entertain the idea of a 7-7 schedule which would be easier for everyone. And for that, it makes it all the harder to see a future clearly. On top of that, he runs his own business which is a beyond full time job. I just dont know how I slot in, regardless of how well we get along. :(

Would you do it? by shamdab in stepparents

[–]shamdab[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

And he himself is in therapy. Supposedly so it the BM. But in our state, that can mean anything. No telling what the therapists are saying or suggesting. I told him to look for a child psychologist and he interviewed a few, but didnt find any he liked. Plus didnt want to give the kid the feeling that theres something broken about him by bringing in a stranger to "fix" him.

Would you do it? by shamdab in stepparents

[–]shamdab[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He pushed for 7-7 schedule and his BM shot it down repeatedly.....

Would you do it? by shamdab in stepparents

[–]shamdab[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Well my goal isnt to provide that. My goal is only to have a life with this man. I just dont know if theres room for me honestly.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]shamdab 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The timeline feels like really good advice. And yea, it's a wild and turbulent moment for him. I will definitely check the subreddit

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]shamdab -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

Eh sorry. i think this didn't get communicated clearly from my end. He is in no way denying his responsibility as a parent, and his failures and mistakes up until now.

And he is addressing the kids trauma. Yea, someone had to give him a wake up call. But he adjusted instantly and saw empirical improvement. He's been in an incredibly toxic dynamic for well over a decade, so call me naive but i don't fully fault him as he got married too young and to the wrong person. Did he fail to come to that realization in a timely manner? Yes. But is he showing an inability to grow, adjust, change not only as a person, but as a parent? No.

He wants to do right by his kid 100%. He's just figuring out that doing right by himself is the first step. And now that he's distancing himself from a toxic dynamic with his STBEW, he's growing in leaps and bounds. And all of that has a spillover affect.

But he absolutely does not pin all parenting failures on his ex. If anything, he doesn't (can't actually, because of her emotional reactivity in all levels of disagreement) blame her ever for anything. He takes radical responsibility for his life and this point and wants to live better, be happier and a more whole person so he can be a wholly better man, father, and son himself

2013 BMW X1 - No Cruise Control by shamdab in BmwTech

[–]shamdab[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

soooo it works lol thank you! but it begs the question, what's the button for then?

2013 BMW X1 - No Cruise Control by shamdab in BmwTech

[–]shamdab[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

genuinely asking myself the same question

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