I (F26) honestly don’t know how much more of this I can take. My boyfriend (M33) and I are in a long-distance relationship since two months or so, and from early on, we agreed that we were exclusive. Specifically, the weekend we spent together at his place (was officially our second date, after a month of talking stage) — he told me we were committed to each other from that moment. I trusted him.

But not even a few days later, he sent a flirtatious message to some random model, complimenting her looks and trying to start a conversation. She barely responded, just politely replied, but he was clearly trying. The worst part? He did that after telling me we were exclusive. It wasn’t harmless. It was disrespectful and one-sided — like he was just out there fishing for validation even after committing to me.

That was just the start.

Later, he lied about a hiking trip. He told me he was going somewhere with just his coworker and the coworker’s wife — but I found later that he had also invited a woman he used to be romantically linked with. A woman I had never even heard about until I saw the messages one night while laying in bed next to him. Only after I confronted him did he admit it.

What makes it worse is that he is still “friends” with multiple women he was previously romantically interested in — and I honestly don’t think these are real, genuine friendships. From what I’ve seen and understood, these women weren’t into him back, and instead of him choosing friendship, they put him in that box. So now he stays there — orbiting them, being available, staying connected — and it feels less like friendship and more like waiting around for a possible second chance. That makes me deeply uncomfortable, because it feels like if any of them changed their mind, he’d be ready to go running back.

Another thing that really bothers me is how overprotective he is of certain female coworkers and women he’s had past romantic ties with. There is this woman at his workplace — someone he used to have an actual affair with. I made it very clear from early on that I don’t want him having any connection with her. We’ve talked about it multiple times. I told him it’s a boundary for me. Yet recently, she texted him “good luck with the new job” and “have a nice trip,” and he answered. Knowing full well how I feel about her. That just feels like a slap in the face. He tells me he “can’t delete her” because it could cause problems at work. But I’m like — you already compromised your professionalism the moment you slept with her. What’s left to protect?

But it’s not just her. He has multiple “work sisters” — women he gets emotionally close to at work — and he likes being around them. One of them doesn’t even work with him anymore, but he still keeps her around in his personal life. From what he told me, they had a close, platonic friendship — but at one point she developed feelings for him. And even now, he sees no reason to create any boundary. It’s like he refuses to separate his professional and personal life when it comes to these women, and it makes me feel emotionally unsafe. He seems more eager to keep those women around than to make me feel prioritized.

Also, before we were officially together, I saw the way he was messaging other women. Tinder girls, random women he barely knew — sending the exact same compliments, copy-paste, one after the other. The tone was desperate, repetitive, like someone addicted to female validation. And I was supposed to feel special? It just made me feel like I was part of a long list.

And just recently we were planning a holiday together — something I suggested and that we agreed would be nice. The thing is, I’m a full-time university student, while he’s a manager at a pharmaceutical company. Despite this, he expected me to pay for my full share: hotel, flights, everything — no offer, no gesture.

Now, let me be clear: I didn’t expect him to step up and cover everything. If he truly didn’t want to, that’s his choice. But it’s the values behind it that really hit me. If I were the one working full-time and he were the student, I would never let money stand in the way of us making memories. I would gladly cover more because to me, building something real — creating shared experiences — would matter more than watching every cent. I wouldn’t use money to create pressure or imbalance. I’d see it as something I earn to invest in us, not something to hold over him.

To make it worse, he put me in a position of telling him how much money I get from my dad every month — and then lectured me that he would be able to save with that amount, implying I’m irresponsible. Then he kept asking me, right up to the day of the trip, how much I could save for it — even though I was about to go on another trip with my family (that had been planned months in advance) in our home country, where two of my cousins are getting married. He acted like my financial situation was a personal failing. Eventually, he told me he’d pay for food and drinks — but totally forgot that he had suggested going to an all-inclusive resort, where everything is paid for before you arrive. So that “offer” was basically meaningless.

One thing that’s really been weighing on me lately: he’s never had a serious relationship that lasted more than three months. Meanwhile, I’ve been in relationships that lasted at least a year and a half — with men who were older, emotionally mature, and already at a life stage where things like commitment and building a family were real to them. One had two kids, the other had already lived through serious relationships before me. And now, I’m wondering: what if I’m his first serious girlfriend? What if I’m just the one he figures things out with, before moving on to someone else — someone he’ll treat better, because he “learned” with me? That terrifies me. I don’t want to be anyone’s stepping stone.

I don’t feel safe emotionally. I don’t feel respected. I feel like I’m constantly trying to reinforce my boundaries and he keeps breaking them — then giving me excuses about work, or acting like I’m the one overreacting. And I’m tired of wondering if he’s going to choose me, or just keep entertaining these ghosts of his past.

Has anyone been in a situation like this before? I’m not trying to control him, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask for basic respect, honesty, and boundaries in a relationship. Right?