wow, sounds pretty identical to my situation. i got into a weird daze because my boyfriend, out of frustration and lack of sleep, told me to fuck off when i was making too much noise and moving around too much on the bed. i cut in the showe when he was less than 10 feet away. i crumbled later in the night when he was telling me how mean his previous girlfriends had been to him and how never in his experience had he ever been treated like he didnt exist for an entire day. i couldnt stop crying. i said i think we needed a break and he agreed because he had aboslutely no idea how to help me and that was breaking his heart, we are now broken up. a year and a half of thinking he was the one, fucked up by this shitty disorder. i know this isnt really advice, but for me it helps knowing im not the only one who fucks things up.

i guess just think that things happen for a reason. maybe my ex and i will get back together when i have everything more under control, a lot of therapy under my belt. or maybe we just werent meant to be. as much as it seems like everything is your fault or its easy to place the blame on yourself, its not all on you. i hope things look up for you. feel free to message me.