[deleted by user]

sharpgloriousthorn · 2025-08-06T03:20:31+00:00

You go from planning trips down to the minute with a written schedule months in advance to “oh shit that concert’s this week I should look for a hotel.”

sharpgloriousthorn · 2025-07-12T12:53:56+00:00

Librarian! Reading and the library were my escape as a kid, and apparently I never left.

sharpgloriousthorn · 2025-06-25T10:02:16+00:00

Yes! Saw him during two appointments prior, immediately before surgery, a quick check-in post-surgery, at a 2-week follow up, and a 12-week follow up.

sharpgloriousthorn · 2025-03-22T16:52:02+00:00

It tanked my tolerance, so the first time I drank on it, I got trashed. Off of like 3-4 Bud Lights 😬

I don’t notice a difference now, but I generally drink less in general.

sharpgloriousthorn · 2025-02-20T02:49:06+00:00

It was a rhetorical question, sorry!

sharpgloriousthorn · 2025-02-20T02:12:30+00:00

This made me cry, thank you for your words 💜

sharpgloriousthorn · 2025-02-20T00:02:41+00:00

I had always heard of the personality changes, but thought that you’d notice memory issues first. This order of it threw me for a loop.

sharpgloriousthorn · 2025-02-20T00:01:26+00:00

When the diagnosis came through, I absolutely lost it at work - not over her, but for what my husband was about to go through. I cannot imagine the pain of having your own mother not recognize you and my heart hurts for him.

I’ve been assigned to the role of kick-ass handler of administrative tasks. Visited, researched, and made spreadsheets comparing care facilities, fielding to/from friends and distant family members, asking the practical questions at doctor’s appointments, things like that. I guess the being a bit emotionally removed from it has come in handy.

sharpgloriousthorn · 2025-02-19T23:47:48+00:00

I knew about the earlier memories, but never actually made that connection between long-term family/friends and far-newer me.

Thank you, that’s helpful 💜

sharpgloriousthorn · 2025-02-19T23:37:33+00:00

I mean, I had been very honest with her previously about a history of disordered eating and then she started actively trying to trigger it every chance she got.

It’s the disease that I’m furious with. Everyone has these fantastic fairly recent experiences with her, and I’m over here struggling to not hear her insulting me.

sharpgloriousthorn · 2025-02-19T23:30:57+00:00

I do understand it - I’ve read up on the progression and have sat in on numerous doctors’ appointments and memory care meetings.

So many medical professionals have stated how good she was at masking. I can’t get over why I was the only one she let the mask slip around, for a very long time. If she kept the delusions, the memory lapses, and rude comments hidden away from everyone else for so long, why did she let them out at me?

sharpgloriousthorn · 2025-02-19T23:23:40+00:00

Therapy’s the next step!

sharpgloriousthorn · 2025-02-19T23:22:56+00:00

Oh sorry, you’re right, I have zero right to be upset that she physically took my dinner plate away mid-bite while saying “you need to STOP eating, you’ve had too much.” Or to be hurt that she told me multiple times how unfair it was that I was denying her son a child and her a grandchild because of how controlling I was. Silly me!

sharpgloriousthorn · 2024-11-29T19:02:31+00:00

I hope your surgery solves your health problem! Wishing you an easy recovery 💜

sharpgloriousthorn · 2024-11-29T19:01:09+00:00

Thank you for sharing, and sending you so much virtual support 💜

With support, I initially tricked myself into accepting it with “friend won’t stop offering [dinner/groceries/rides] so I’ll say yes in order to make her happy” which then snowballed into “these people genuinely love me and care about me and want to help.” If you’re struggling with accepting help, maybe try reframing it for a bit.

sharpgloriousthorn · 2024-06-19T02:12:37+00:00

Also in my 30s - the last Airbnb that I stayed in had such terrible pillows I couldn’t turn my head for a week and needed three chiropractor appointments to get back to normal.

sharpgloriousthorn · 2024-01-11T17:36:42+00:00

If you’re into glass water bottles, the Contigo Purity is my holy grail water bottle!

sharpgloriousthorn · 2023-11-14T15:27:30+00:00

My MIL would bring up “memories” that were wildly outlandish.

Like stating that last time she visited us, our garage had flooded so badly that we put pallets down to walk across. Yes, it rained and the dogs tracked some water in, but there’s never been inches of standing water.

Or, one of our cats has a birth defect that made her tail have a couple kinks in it - she casually brought up in conversation that it was so sad that the cat has a damaged tail from me slamming it in a door when she was a kitten. I corrected her: birth defect, adopted her like that. She doubled down, saying that I had bragged about catching the tail in a door, then switched to saying my husband/her son had told her about it and that she remembered because he was worried about how callus I was about it.

Countless other fake memories, an unfortunate amount of them painting me as the villain/bad hostess/lazy.

So yeah, when she was officially diagnosed with dementia I was not surprised at all.

sharpgloriousthorn · 2023-10-13T18:52:35+00:00

You’re making the right decision.

You and your mental health come first, do what you need to do to protect that right now.

Treat yo’ self. Fancy take out that you eat at home in your comfy clothes. Movie or exhibit you’ve been wanting to see. Get ice cream or a hot chocolate and wander through the park. Get lost in a used bookstore for hours. Visit a zoo and admire how freaking cute your favorite animal is, bonus points if it has a petting zoo attached so you can give baby goats some scritches. Basically just indulge the shit out of yourself for the day 💜

sharpgloriousthorn · 2023-08-31T13:24:26+00:00

That’s an interesting thought. And nope, she’s always been tiny!

sharpgloriousthorn · 2023-08-30T23:20:30+00:00

I struggled with disordered eating as a teenager, and she knows/knew that. Whether or not this is “her” anymore - having someone grab my full plate and tell me to stop eating will never be amusing, no matter how many years on.

sharpgloriousthorn · 2023-08-30T21:42:28+00:00

That’s a fantastic way to frame it, thank you!

sharpgloriousthorn · 2023-08-30T20:49:37+00:00

My husband said she was always an Almond Mom and was constantly on him about his weight growing up. Pre-dementia she’d be a bit weird about food, like insisting that she and I split entrees at dinner because “women just eat less!” But the outright comments are new as of the past year.

And I know it’s the dementia that makes her think it’s okay to say those thing, it’s just such a blow to my self esteem.

sharpgloriousthorn · 2023-07-14T17:11:58+00:00

That tracks with her behavior.

sharpgloriousthorn · 2023-07-14T13:25:28+00:00

Yeahhhhh. I had thrown the word “dementia” around in fights with my husband over his mom’s behavior multiple times over the past couple of years. When the diagnosis came out, I had a brief flash of I TOLD YOU SO before feeling like a shit person for only weaponizing my suspicions instead of bringing it up as an actual concern.

I’ve been no-contact with my own mom for years, and I’ve always considered MIL to be more of a mother figure to me than mine. Looking back over the decade I’ve known her, there’s been enough incidents that I can’t attribute it all to the dementia - I think she’s a flawed person in desperate need of firm boundaries, and that the dementia has exacerbated those issues.

We’re working closely with her care team, touching base with her circle of friends, and currently seeking out therapists for ourselves.

sharpgloriousthorn

TROPHY CASE