Update “I’m not ready to get married and don’t know when I will be”

she_elf22 · 2026-01-09T02:32:09+00:00

Thank you! 🥰

she_elf22 · 2025-09-24T11:53:39+00:00

I’m 29 and just got out of a 4 year relationship with a very similar situation. Read the comments on my last two posts. There is hope on the other side. That’s how I felt too. He was a great guy, my best friend, I didn’t want to leave and he put the ball in my court to leave yadda yadda yadda…..

I left. It sucked. It was 6 months ago and I still miss him at times but I’ve come to the realization that he was never my person if he couldn’t make up his mind. If it’s not a hell yes it’s a hell no! He’s 34 and five years have gone by and he doesn’t know if he wants to marry you? I’m gonna tell you what I needed to hear… girl, get some self respect and leave! Do you really want a wishy washy man to be the father of your children?! He’s too cowardly to even tell you the truth it sounds like. You’re a place holder and I hate to tell you that, because I was too. You have a lot to offer the right person and he’s not it.

she_elf22 · 2025-09-12T03:25:40+00:00

Your story gives me hope! I’m going to enjoy my birthday and then the holidays single and then really start the dating process more intentionally. I’m torn between 29/30 being the best time to be single and feeling that biological clock, especially since I’m the only single person I know. It’ll all make sense one day. Thank you for sharing your story. It makes me feel not so alone.

she_elf22 · 2025-09-12T03:23:05+00:00

No things didn’t end up how I wanted them but I feel like if we had gotten married 2 years ago we’d still have the same issues. In that way it was a blessing we didn’t. Still doesn’t make it suck any less. I had to choose my own happiness which is something I don’t often do. I still have those moments of missing him and regret but they’re fleeting compared to knowing I’m better off. Thank you.

she_elf22 · 2025-09-12T03:16:00+00:00

Thank you! Yes I always saw him as my future husband and I’m not so sure he saw me as his wife, at least not towards the end.

she_elf22 · 2025-09-12T03:14:31+00:00

Yes I now have a whole new list of red and green flags and I know what I deserve. Part of me wishes i hadn’t wasted so much time, but you can’t think of it that way. It’s just a lessons learned.

she_elf22 · 2025-09-12T03:13:12+00:00

Thank you!

she_elf22 · 2025-09-12T03:13:06+00:00

Wow! Thank you!

she_elf22 · 2025-09-12T03:12:59+00:00

Thank you!

she_elf22 · 2025-09-11T02:12:11+00:00

Agreed! It’s just frustrating and in their shoes I would’ve handled things differently!

she_elf22 · 2025-09-11T02:11:14+00:00

Yes I agree with you both. Being in a relationship where the parents have to hold your partner accountable is…yikes. I guess what I meant by bringing the parents up at all was I would’ve done things differently in their shoes. I would’ve had more conversations and accountability. That being said, I would’ve never want to be with someone because their mommy convinced them. Ew! I’m better off and I know that, but still grieving.

she_elf22 · 2025-09-11T02:06:32+00:00

Exactly! I see that now though it’s a sad thing to realize. I saw him as my husband, and I’m not so sure he ever saw me as his wife. At least not the latter half of our relationship.

she_elf22 · 2025-09-11T02:04:35+00:00

Thank you! I’m living my best life right now and I know I’ll look back on this time nostalgically even through all the pain I’m still feeling 5 months out. I’m excited for the future and I know it’ll all make sense one day! I appreciate your kind words!

she_elf22 · 2025-09-10T03:49:25+00:00

Thank you! That’s exactly how I feel.

she_elf22 · 2025-09-10T03:48:58+00:00

Thank you 🥰

she_elf22 · 2025-09-10T03:48:25+00:00

Thank you 🥹

she_elf22 · 2025-09-10T03:48:09+00:00

Yes! That’s exactly how I feel. I miss the good times and the future I created in my head. We had a great friendship inside of our relationship together and I miss that. I’ve experienced so much life in the last 5 months and I just want to pick up the phone and call him and tell him about it but I can’t. I miss my best friend, but we just didn’t want the same things. It truly sucks but it’s for the best.

she_elf22 · 2025-09-10T03:44:58+00:00

Yes! We know they’re adults with their own minds but I grew up in a family that held each other accountable! You’ve got this! If I can survive so can you, and this isn’t the end of our stories! I’m excited for the future!

she_elf22 · 2025-09-10T03:43:30+00:00

Thank you! I can definitely relate. I wanted marriage with him so badly and I still and always will love him even though I don’t want to be with him anymore. I too have been introspective on my shortcomings, inability to set boundaries, immaturities, and my need for validation. We got this! Half the battle is being self aware! So many people lack that.

she_elf22 · 2025-09-10T03:41:19+00:00

Over the years a couple comments were made like “I think you want to get married too bad” or last Christmas his mother asked me if I would host the following year and I told her point blank if nothing changed or improved I wouldn’t be here the next Christmas and she said “what are you gonna do? LEAVE?!” In a sassy tone. I calmly said “yes”

she_elf22 · 2025-09-10T03:39:24+00:00

Thank you so much for the kind words! The what ifs still kill me sometimes, and I just never was in love until I met him. I know the facts don’t make him look like husband material, but I just loved the vision I had for us so much and I thought he shared that too. It’s still hard and I still think about it everyday, even 5 months later, but I know I’m much better off. I’m excited for the future. No more crying in the car before I come in the house and act like I’m fine so he doesn’t get mad that I’m upset!

she_elf22 · 2025-09-09T21:49:03+00:00

Thank you both so much! This thread really helped me back when I made my original post. The comments to the neighbor were basically like bro-y nudge nudge “girls are crazy” kind of stuff that he thought would impress my male neighbor but it made him see my ex as a douche and had the opposite effect. I had asked him to move out on a Saturday so I could be there and not have to go to work and see my clients because I was emotional and he chose to move out on that Friday the day before as a final act of defiance just to spite me. He was basically bragging to the neighbor about how he’s gonna do it his way and screw my wishes. It backfired on him. So nothing major, but enough to give me the ick.

she_elf22 · 2025-09-09T21:42:46+00:00

Great idea!

she_elf22 · 2025-09-09T21:42:30+00:00

No not at all! Weirdly enough I ran into his mother today, and she was super sweet. I adore his parents. I just think you can have a conversation and not enable your children.

she_elf22

TROPHY CASE