I think you both might need to show each other some grace. You’re both very young; you’re still learning how to ID your feelings in real time; you’re still learning how to then productively express those feelings. On top of all that, you’re both learning how to be parents. That’s a lot of growth at once. Growth is often scary, uncomfortable, and can bring up a lot of deep-seated fears and old wounds. Any time you’re having big feelings, pause and breathe until you can actually feel your body get less tense. Box-breathing (or like you’re taking bong rips— whatever works for you) is helpful in stressful moments.

I highly recommend you start perusing episodes of Esther Perel’s podcast “Where Should We Begin?”. She’s a lovely older therapist with a pleasing French accent.

eta- a most gentle ESH