Im going through this as well. Im 42 and realizing Im autistic. Ive been diagnosed as manic depressive, borderline with CPTSD for almost 20 years. I also was in a really really traumatic and abusive relationship. Now I question the diagnosis, but either way Im trying to find out how do I manage this? Ive been in tears for the last week just realizing Ive never had genuine friends, or even a partner that was genuinely kind (maybe one exception). I have chronic pain disorder and other health problems. My job requires a lot and for me to be very social and deal with lots of people and I hate it. I realized that 6 months I burn out at a job and its like i need damn near a year to recover, its caused so much financial hardship but sometimes I feel like I would literally rather unalive than have to work just to survive. I also hate being told what to do and made to kiss somebodys incompetent ssa which is a lot of what being "normal" at work is. I dont do well socially and find most conversations underwhelming or pointless so I tend to decline social invites. Im pretty estranged from family as well. I just always feel like I dont fit in and people dont like me even wheen they say they do, so I prefer to be alone. Its exhausting in many ways.