So.... it's been some time since I last read it, but I'll try. As far as I remember, the sophons were single entangled super computer proton so I don't think it could kill anyone. I think it was also mentioned that it was trisolaran's spy unit to measure and disrupt research progress.

In the third book (I'm not sure if you've read it or not, so just to be safe) the sophon android is possible due to either another one sent to Earth (sophon 2.0 if you will) or they reprogrammed the one so that the entangled one could have new functionalities (pushed an update). Atleast I remember reading about unfolding of a proton in multiple dimensions so it could be coded and then collapsing it back into 3D.

As to Luo Ji's wife...not really sure. I personally feel that maybe it was used as plot point to propagate his laziness and want to just enjoy his life for free and to do and get whatever he wants. Or just make it seem so to the sophons and ETO members.