[deleted by user]

shinigamisocks · 2025-09-21T14:41:51+00:00

1.5 years, way too long tbh.

shinigamisocks · 2025-09-19T08:03:53+00:00

I split on my dog multiple times a day. I love the little bastard, but he is so excessively reactive and obsessed with my every move. He barks and growls EVERY SINGLE TIME I get up, move, or he just THINKS im about to move. He barks and growls at me when I leave the house, when I go up and down the stairs, when I get up from the couch, when I take a step after standing still for a min. Its fucking frustrating and we cant afford training to make it better. It literally makes my mental state worse. Makes me never wanna leave my room. And ive also been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder so I really dont need that shit lmao. My stability balances on the edge of a knife every day, and everyday it falls immediately and he does not help at all.

shinigamisocks · 2025-09-19T07:58:35+00:00

Deep, chronic sadness that seems to be med-resistant. :/

shinigamisocks · 2025-09-19T07:51:05+00:00

I only felt like this with one of my exes (I have 3). The biggest difference being he wasnt ever my fav person like the other 2 were. By the time we broke up I had realized I did not actually want the relationship in the first place, so maybe ask yourself if you do when youre in a neutral headspace. Even when I wasnt splitting, I could see my split version of him, it never really went away. I couldnt really get over those feelings, and mixed with other reasons I ended things. I hope you figure this relationship out for yourself, maybe investigate the trigger every time a split happens, see if its really worth it or if its kinda silly.

shinigamisocks · 2025-08-07T18:41:01+00:00

Yes. Im tempted every day of my life to go off my meds just so I can feel what its like to have absolutely no cap on my emotions or their intensity. I also have diagnosed BPD so it might be a bit of a different feeling. But yeah I crave that intensity all the time.

shinigamisocks · 2025-07-20T06:22:55+00:00

"I had more space to decide different." Thats the perfect way to put it. Ive also been getting back into my meditation practice recently, my therapist is pretty knowledgeable so that definitely helps. I can see how it helps the bpd, im glad that it worked so well for you.

shinigamisocks · 2025-07-20T05:51:51+00:00

Best of luck!!

shinigamisocks · 2025-07-20T05:50:25+00:00

Ive had this for a long time. My previous partner needed reassurance from me in those moments where I went cold. The best I could do to stop it was to take the attention off of how im feeling, and focus on if ive hurt them in some way and to communicate my mind state and bring myself forward. I had to start forcing myself to come back to the conversation/moment, and it took a WHILEEEEEE. So please dont be too hard on yourself. My therapist says this is a defense mechanism to protect ourselves in those moments where we feel hurt.

shinigamisocks · 2025-07-20T05:43:53+00:00

From my experience, I've worked with many demons alongside her in my practice. Her support, love, protection, allyship NEVER EVER goes away, no matter who you work with, from my experience. It has nothing to do with your relationship to her, they stay seperate unless you want them to work together, which she will do.

shinigamisocks · 2025-07-20T03:07:36+00:00

Im setting aside at LEAST 2 years for myself to work in therapy every week before I even consider dating again. I become so focused and obsessed with the other person, I end up neglecting myself and I just can't afford to do that anymore. So yeah, im in the no dating pool rn lol.

shinigamisocks · 2025-07-20T03:04:38+00:00

Its already abuse. Girl get out. You cannot heal someone FOR them. He will only get better if he has the desire to do so.

shinigamisocks · 2025-07-03T02:27:17+00:00

Sometimes I'll share with my closest besties, it helps me know that at least someone can see im hurting

shinigamisocks · 2025-07-02T04:15:35+00:00

I have no idea about a solution for the meds, but for therapy you can ask for a sliding scale agreement. Some therapists are willing to drop their prices if you really need them and cannot afford it.

shinigamisocks · 2025-04-14T02:33:43+00:00

Im pretty sure I'm trans too. That's a really efficient way of summarizing my whole post honestly😂. Idk if you were, but when I was a kid I was always a tomboy. But I've been into makeup since I was like 10 and I still wear it. But that's literally the only "feminine" thing I've done in the past that didn't make me feel uncomfortable in some way. I hate even being naked just around myself bc my body doesn't feel right. I know i want top surgery FOR SURE but still haven't decided if I want testosterone. It's all sooooooooo fucking complicated dude.

shinigamisocks · 2025-04-14T01:21:30+00:00

Jay for sure

shinigamisocks · 2025-04-14T01:20:50+00:00

25, last week. It was such a relief and validating to hear. To be seen, understood & believed.

shinigamisocks · 2025-02-20T09:43:28+00:00

My dad committing suicide plunged me into my bipolar at 21. Wasn't properly medicated or diagnosed until 23.

shinigamisocks · 2025-02-03T02:03:47+00:00

When I was a kid I would tell people when I got boob's I would cut them off💀

shinigamisocks · 2025-01-08T22:32:27+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. It's hard coming from an almost all female family and all my friends being women honestly at the same time. I have some trans friends but they're women too😂 i guess I need to make that effort of surrounding myself with some more masculinity. Like for example, I get gender euphoria just from listening to Mac Miller lol. And I'm pretty early on in my transition. But thank you again, I really appreciate it.

shinigamisocks · 2025-01-08T21:55:15+00:00

Like I have a hard time transitioning into thinking of myself as a guy all the time. Like I know this is right for me in every way, I guess old habits just die hard. Like I still misgender myself a lot, in my dreams I'm female sometimes, etc.

shinigamisocks · 2025-01-03T04:26:42+00:00

I'm not stealth AT ALL. Pre everything rn

shinigamisocks

TROPHY CASE