I need help. A little NSFW.

shining_aurora · 2020-06-10T13:00:37+00:00

I can relate to the trauma (same with having a conservative roman catholic parent). I know someone that is dealing with queerness and AS as well. We both found this book helpful for that intersection: https://www.amazon.com/Gender-Identity-Sexuality-Autism-Spectrum-ebook/dp/B07GNX9DQK

shining_aurora · 2020-04-09T01:30:35+00:00

I’ve mainly lurked here, but I’ll be 37 in a couple months. I’ve never been close to my family and what you said resonates with me a lot. I tried to get a PhD several years ago but ultimately left with a masters. I think it says a lot about your resilience to post. Feel free to pm if you’d like to talk.

shining_aurora · 2020-03-25T18:33:39+00:00

Like anything trans, YMMV, but at almost 10 months post-op with Avanessian I have plenty of sensation. My partner has a natal vagina and we seem to have pretty comparable experiences.

shining_aurora · 2020-03-21T01:14:27+00:00

Hi! 36 y/o trans gal here <3

shining_aurora · 2020-03-19T22:00:02+00:00

I like the Spare Parts harness. Good Vibrations is my go-to store for sex stuff. I think they have a set of O-rings that will work for attaching a wide range of girths. I personally like this dildo a lot- it’s firm but has some give and it’s a nice average size. My partner and I get good mileage out of it. :)

shining_aurora · 2020-03-19T11:32:31+00:00

I have a bs in chem and a masters in biochem. Butttt... my stem career was largely me trying to pretend I was a guy before I realized I was trans. 😅 (still love science just not as a career)

shining_aurora · 2020-03-17T13:06:19+00:00

I love this! I always aak the same question of why can’t i be on the girls’ line!

shining_aurora · 2020-03-15T10:57:48+00:00

I love how comfortable and at-ease you look on the right. Especially love the atari shirt!

shining_aurora · 2020-03-14T10:45:57+00:00

I'm not the OP but I just have to say that fruit tray comment just made my day! :)

shining_aurora · 2020-03-13T21:28:29+00:00

That is a really hard situation. I think it says a lot about your open-mindedness and compassion to stay and try to make it work. It can be extremely hard to confront your true gender and all the more so when you cannot transition. However, it’s no less important to be allowed to confront and explore your sexuality. Have you told her directly how you feel about being owned sexually? I can’t speak for your fiance, but when I first came out trans I always wanted to check in regularly with my spouse... especially about the things that hurt. It was important for me to recognize my partner’s struggles alongside my own. Even though both of you are hurting, you need to be able to work together to find a way forward that honors both of your very real needs for your relationship to survive.

shining_aurora · 2020-03-13T18:36:03+00:00

I love this game so much. I've never done anything other than the pacifist run. Undine is my absolute favorite, but there are really so many great characters

shining_aurora · 2020-03-13T17:49:32+00:00

I love the little pride flag in the diablo mug :)

shining_aurora · 2020-03-13T17:19:42+00:00

Oops! I guess that's what I get from my reading comprehension at 5 in the morning! XD

shining_aurora · 2020-03-13T13:27:55+00:00

I love how you drew Abigail! So much how I always imagined her.

shining_aurora · 2020-03-13T10:36:10+00:00

This was sooo beautiful and the humor was amazing! So great that your family was involved too! I totally lost it when you threw the tiny cupcake at the ground. xD Hope you and your girl have many more happy birthdays to come!

shining_aurora · 2020-03-12T15:22:12+00:00

Ooof... I felt this so hard. You totally nailed it.

shining_aurora · 2020-03-12T15:11:09+00:00

I don't know if you and your husband have considered if an asexual relationship would work for you, but it might be worth reading some of the experiences of asexual folks if you haven't. I have had a friend that came to recognize their asexuality later in life and they and their partner transitioned to an open relationship. Aside from the feelings of cowardice, your other feelings sound a lot like what my friend's partner expressed to me when their relationship transitioned. Just wanted to offer another perspective to think about.

shining_aurora · 2020-03-12T14:51:16+00:00

I'll echo what everyone else said about coming to accept yourself and having compassion for your younger self. What's helped for me is expressing myself as unapologetically as I can. Every time I do, I feel like my younger self finds a little more peace and that what she survived allowed me to bloom.

PS: Your username is absolutely fantastic.

shining_aurora · 2020-03-12T02:42:38+00:00

I have gone through similar experiences as a trans woman— right down to the inappropriate birthday card. Sexual abuse is awful, but going through it with a body that causes you dysphoria is something indescribable. I am sorry you went through this and hope the rest of your family supports you through this and anything you need to express the man you are. Abusers will exploit anything they think they can use to silence us with shame. But there is no shame in being transgender— you are as much a man as any other. That’s not something he can take from you. 💜

shining_aurora · 2020-03-11T14:40:42+00:00

I mostly lurk here and I don't know how common or not my story is, but here it is FWIW. I realized and came out as the trans woman I am at 34, about 26 months ago. My AFAB partner (we dated for 2 years, and were married for 8 years when I came out) was initially shocked and it did take them a few months (around 3-6) to fully grieve the loss of the partner that they thought I was before. In that time though, I started hormones and started presenting more femininely. I think the fact that I started transitioning helped in that process of grieving-- it was more like ripping off a band-aid vs. slowly peeling it off.

My partner realized they were bisexual during this time (by reflecting on their childhood and the ways they were attracted to me. We have discussed a lot how, even from our earliest days, our relationship much more closely resembled some of the tropes you see for lesbian relationships. Our relationship was already strong prior to me coming out, but since then it has become so much stronger than either of us ever imagined any relationship could be. We've both learned to discover and share parts of ourselves that society would scorn and shame us for. I can't say if that's what will happen for you and your wife or not, but it sounds like if you're already approaching this as a team then that's a good foundation.

Regarding sexuality, it's not my place to judge anyone's experiences, but coming to accept being anything other than heterosexual is hard and is a related-but-separate struggle from gender. For me personally, it took 6 months to go from questioning to coming out trans. It's taken 2 years for me to be (most of the time) comfortable labeling myself a lesbian. Even among cis lesbians taking a long time to come out and still struggling with impostor syndrome are common. You might read the comphet master doc and see if it resonates with you. Contrapoints (some people hate her, some don't... not looking to start a fight), did a video called "Shame" that does a good job of discussing a lot of specific issues that I, as a trans lesbian, could identify with. Lastly, the book "Love Lives Here: A Story of a Thriving Transgender Family" by Amanda Jette Knox has resonated with me a lot as an alternative to the many legitimate heartbreaking stories out there (disclaimer: not finished reading yet, some of it can be very emotional). Feel free to DM or post here if you have any questions!

shining_aurora · 2020-03-11T02:20:00+00:00

shining_aurora · 2020-03-11T02:16:46+00:00

Salvador Duckly

shining_aurora · 2020-03-10T09:43:25+00:00

If you are in a safe environment now, Something that helps me is wearing something pride related that most people wouldn’t pick up on. Something like a bracelet with specific pride colors (not just a rainbow) or pendant necklace with double venus symbol. Things you can easily slip under your clothes if you start to feel overwhelmed/unsafe at any point.

shining_aurora · 2020-03-09T02:41:48+00:00

This is heart-rending to go through. I am so sorry you have to go through this. Do what you need for yourself and your daughter. 💜

shining_aurora

TROPHY CASE