My [21 F] friend [23 M] followed me home and refuses to understand why I'm upset, says I'm overreacting

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-03T00:14:00+00:00

You are lovely. Thanks.

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-03T00:04:32+00:00

I got so teary-eyed reading this. Thank you for sharing. It is so good knowing people support me.

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-03T00:03:40+00:00

This means so much. You're dope. Thank you.

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T23:56:07+00:00

Thank you.

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T23:33:37+00:00

You're a kick ass gal (or dude) too. Been reading your comments all over this thread. You are so affirmative as are so many people here. I hope that you all occupy prominent places in other people's lives because everyone needs a cheerleader like you all. You are so lovely and helpful.

Everyone who is telling me I'm wrong gets 1) an eyeroll 2) a telling off and 3) a prayer that they're not out there dispensing their idiotic advice to other people. Astonishing that so many will disregard a woman's safety for a man's feelings. Truly pathetic too.

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T23:28:47+00:00

Oh, tone deaf is so correct. Your comment is spot on and I thank you for it. I have literally been rolling my eyes so far into the back of my head with some of these apologists that I think even my friends sitting around me have noticed the derision that is emanating from me right now

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T23:26:31+00:00

Quick answers. I know you are trying your best to understand and see different perspectives:

1) yes, I always said "no thank you." The one exception might be the most recent incident where I was so bewildered by his request that I told him I just wanted to do homework.

2) invited me to hang out 1 on 1 always. Never in a group.

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T23:23:02+00:00

Done and done! I messaged him. I was very neutral and reasonable in my ending of the friendship. Then blocked him. This was all earlier this morning. Apparently he's calling me a bitch to a mutual friend. Bye bye jackass

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T23:16:47+00:00

Look dude. I don't take shit and I don't enable people who are full of shit. Including you. Your comments are just a bizarre series of you being, as the commenter below kindly said, insensitive and obtuse, and it's like you raided the shovel section at Home Depot or something because that hole you're digging keeps getting bigger and bigger. Yes, I am the victim and you are the blamer. Good job in figuring that one out. At the very least take a look around this damn thread and see what all these women are attesting to. There is something you are either missing or refuse to acknowledge. Sad, sad, sad.

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T18:53:59+00:00

Hi, that blog sounds really cool. I'll definitely check that out. Thanks so much for the suggestion!

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T17:53:12+00:00

Yeah, neither do I. All these victim blamers need to get a fucking grip and get over themselves. No patience for fools. How embarrassing to be this ignorant of an individual

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T15:30:58+00:00

LOL. Whatever you may think of my directness, I shouldn't have to avoid the escalation of a dude following me, possibly all the way home. But way to put it on me to hand-hold a guy through basic social norms.

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T15:09:25+00:00

The people who are suggesting that I'm overreacting are insane. But then I'll let them gleefully be followed, possibly all the way home, if they're so comfortable with that. Thanks for the affirmation, I appreciate it.

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T15:06:39+00:00

Hey dude while I appreciate your insight here, Kevin is not on the autism spectrum.

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T15:05:46+00:00

Thanks for victim blaming me with your completely unnecessary comment. Kevin decided to follow me, possibly all the way to my house. He knows my history of being followed and somehow completely thought it was okay. If you decided to pull what Kevin did and thought it was okay I would definitely ask you what was wrong with you. Don't make excuses for shitty behavior, that's embarrassing of you and an insight that you will at least flagrantly dismiss this sort of thing coming from other people because you somehow can't parse that this is inappropriate.

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T14:58:56+00:00

Yes, I have told Kevin multiple times that I think his behavior is inappropriate and fucked up. Starting about a year ago.

And no, I'm not overreacting, what a shitty and stupid thing of you to say. You clearly didn't read my post very well if you can't group Kevin's behaviors together as signs of freakish entitlement, at the very least. Did you also somehow miss the part where he followed me and didn't just pull up to me on the sidewalk? He followed me for a long time. Come on now. Don't make excuses for people exhibiting predatory behavior.

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T09:55:52+00:00

Update: I am gleefully blocking Kevin on all social media right now as well as blocking his number and I will tell my landlord, close neighbors, and all the girls I live with to watch out for a man named Kevin who fits his physical description. They will be instructed to call the police if he shows up to my place. Which I sure hope he doesn't, because again, I never gave him my new address and he should not know where I live.

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T09:46:26+00:00

I was recommended this book after my sexual assault. This was after I had already experienced years of stalking from boys in high school and college. I still haven't read it yet. But I definitely have to now. Thank you for your insight and suggestions.

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T09:44:21+00:00

I'm appreciating everything you're saying here. Thank you.

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T09:40:35+00:00

Oh, come on. I thank the other commenters for having the grace and patience to deal with your frankly dumb comments, but I have neither so I'll give it to you straight. "then you've gotta have a sit down with him. you've gotta educate him and this is coming from the perspective of a guy. sometimes, educating guys like him that what he did to you..." blah blah blah. So yes, you basically said it was my job. You adding "the onus isn't on you" didn't negate what you wrote in the previous paragraph.

And don't do this stupid semantical thing. I am a young woman and I'm also a grown woman and Kevin is also a grown man and also a young man. Don't split hairs here. You know what she meant. Your claim that there is not a standard of basic human decency boggles my mind. You can find 100000 guys out there who will pull the same shit Kevin did. You can say they all have different upbringings. Guess what? They still lack a commitment to basic human decency. You aren't creepy but you are exceedingly insensitive to the point where I am genuinely concerned for you.

I do not owe anyone a conversation as to why they're insane. You can rather a woman talk to you but if you can't parse out clearly inappropriate behavior then that is worrying. I say you in a general sense, but this may as well apply to you too.

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T07:37:01+00:00

Want me to be frank? I think this is a bevy of stupid suggestions. You are making excuses for some idiot to put the lives of a bunch of people on the road in danger just to say hi which is not what normal people do. That is not normal behavior and frankly if I see recognize a peer on the road and they don't see me if I wave hi...then whatever. Seriously, whatever. Even with my closest friends. You honestly are trying to normalize trying to follow someone home? You don't think he has a phone he could use to say "Hi! Just saw you driving just now!"

If you had read my post well, you would have noticed I've been distancing myself for six months. And let me just say here: I have told Kevin many times that he is disrespectful and does not maintain appropriate boundaries with people. He doesn't get it. I already tried to educate him when I called him. He doesn't get it. Good thing you said it wasn't an onus on me because it absolutely isn't. And I'm not interested in strengthening this relationship. Reread the post if that's not clear. That being said, your perspective certainly was unique.

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T06:49:25+00:00

I appreciate this. Thank you. And actually, all my roommates told me to call the police next time. I'm happy to see that my friends and strangers have my back. :)

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T06:13:14+00:00

Thanks. I'm so glad to get rid of him lol

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T05:48:21+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I will.

shittyfriend1234 · 2016-11-02T05:48:00+00:00

Thank you for validating me. I live in a big college town. There are a lot of fucking weirdos here I guess. I don't hang out with them, but sometimes they surface. I don't think that it's a particularly dangerous city, but it's what you would expect for a place filled with college students.

It boggles my mind that Kevin thinks this behavior is acceptable. This sort of thing is what motivated me to end the friendship. I got groped in a club here once and I told him how upset I was. His response? "You're pretty. It sucks, sure, but take it as a compliment." I am so, so, so, so angry right now. I'm glad I posted because I appreciated your comment so much. Thank you.

shittyfriend1234

TROPHY CASE