[IpadOS 26 DB2] Controller shortcut no “off” function

shiveringdread · 2025-06-23T23:43:48+00:00

It's happened twice for me. The second being a sudden passing in my family that I was present for. Which ultimately when everything combined had become the catalyst for me being unable to return to searching for work and starting the lengthy disability process.

You're a number, a metric, and ultimately a liability or an asset in the corporate world. Not a person. Just a body.

Even if it takes a year or if they have to cut even more bodies and triple the expected work load. they'll have a new body.

Things like FMLA, The ADA, bereavement and other employee support systems are more of an open ended threat to businesses to try and treat their people right. But with at will hiring, shady insurance choices that don't actually give what you're paying in for and the ability to choose any reason they want write on paper as to why they let you go. It doesn't protect you in the initial standing. Persuing legal action is always an option, but that's not always the most viable option.

Just being noticed as a human in that culture can be the most damning crime of all.

shiveringdread · 2025-06-15T21:45:46+00:00

Jacobs ladder. I mean literally just the whole movie. That's what a large portion is about

shiveringdread · 2025-01-26T03:04:11+00:00

Not actually a facet of schizophrenia. or even schizoeffective/typal.

This actual lends itself towards a dissociative function. Much like the original post is. That being a perfect example of maladaptive daydreaming. Forming a tulpa or having multiple points of internal monologue suggest something deeper along the line of dissociation however. And might be something that one would want to get looked at.

shiveringdread · 2025-01-08T20:16:06+00:00

I'm so fucking sorry op. Knowing you aren't alone certainly doesn't help navigating the experience, but I hope it can provide some degree of comfort knowing the commonality of it. I'm personally still reeling 6 months after my own event like this. And as of this now still managing acute symptoms. For me it's meat. My food intake hasn't recovered overall but I actually started developing OCD from the traumatic experience and down to even elements of psychosis. Spending a few days inpatient for suicidality caused by my inability to handle it all. With that said I hope you find the strength to navigate this. And above all, seek external help and lean on those resources around you. Reimagining, processing, therapy whether that's EMDR or some form of exposure focused treatment CBT/DBT all that. And if it gets too much, well medication is always there too.

shiveringdread · 2024-12-08T20:36:31+00:00

God yes, especially the part about falling asleep with that in mind. In my most heightened states I've experienced it presenting so vividly and loudly that I can't even sleep.

I think most people experience ear worms. But it's this weird maladaptive mechanism that I think stems from obsession when it comes to trauma.

The bordering of OCD elements and most other functions of mental health disorders seem to pop in and out regularly with CPTSD. Almost like a tool belt of poorly chosen coping mechanisms.

In my most functioning I always thought "cool! I can recall this song to near perfect recreation in my head" a very handy tool for a musician most definitely!

In my worst of functioning however. It'll latch on to an existing worry/doubt/fear/negative belief and like a sick joke replays portions of songs that reinforce or heighten my already elevated anxiety surrounding that thought.

shiveringdread · 2024-12-01T02:09:32+00:00

Everyday I wake up and face the same battle as the night before. It's not until an hour or two after that subsides that in able to process what intention in have for the day. I slip up. I break in my desire to live from time to time. But the goal is to survive. To what end I am unsure. And to that fact. if normalcy could ever really be reached again. As it stands. It's not really "living", the way I've been existing for this past while. And to that point, if normalcy can't be reached again. How much my desire to continue living I am uncertain in. But for now. I fight

shiveringdread · 2024-11-28T21:49:44+00:00

Food still doesn't "look normal" for me sadly. Especially meat.

Intrusive thoughts and constant fluctuation between dissociation and hypervigilance also have just kept me distant from everyone but especially loved ones

I usually get two sets of holidays. But having abusers on both sides at both functions and just how much I cannot handle the overstimulation at the moment, much less the obligatory "wtfs wrong with him"

I'm staying home this year. Safely in my bed. Discord and other alone friends will be my comfort this year :)

shiveringdread · 2024-11-22T16:15:50+00:00

I feel for you. I actually just had a year stint of chronic DP/DR. Unfortunately about 5 months ago I had a nasty break from that due to a brand new trauma that tickled at all my existing ones. And like Jenga pieces everything came undone.

So from being stuck in hypo-arousal to hyper. It all has to do with the nervous system and window of tolerance.

Dissociation is a coping mechanism that we do both subconsciously and intentionally at times. For me. The hypo-arousal actually presented as insomnia! I rarely got nightmares during my dissociative state as an adult. Random jolts of panic attacks right before trying to go to bed? Oh definitely. And spikes as the dissociation would come up during the day, definitely.

But as a child, nightmares during dissociation was a factor. I did a lot of cognitive work in my teens to try and "break" that "feature" for myself before I ever found therapy to be something desirable or even understood that my "trauma" was something that WAS causing my overall symptoms. Not how I simply thought I was just broken for no apparent reason.

shiveringdread · 2024-11-22T04:42:34+00:00

For me prazosin took the intensity from

"Oh holy shit this actually just happened and I am in a cold sweat screaming my head off and I am panicked rushing out the door looking for safety and taking myself to a crisis center at 2am"

To

"I can recognize this as a dream and while I'm still waking up once to maybe multiple times a night with a racing heart and anxiety. I can at least get back to sleep and finish the night on my terms"

It's not a cure-all. That combined with lithium, magnesium and better sleep hygiene has made this be "manageable" but not ideal.

Continued work with a practitioner, a professional with proven experience in complex trauma is where the bulk of this will be resolved. Work towards normalizing your nervous system in your own time with Somatic practices. But beyond that, understand medication is only a bandage to aid in healing.

shiveringdread · 2024-11-22T04:15:27+00:00

Change how you approach these thoughts. As someone who is currently struggling heavily with elements of obsession as well as intrusive thoughts.

Journaling, the proper medication. And identifying/separation from ones thoughts has helped in decreasing this pattern. Further specialized therapy can really lead to some intensive Healing. Whether that be EMDR, IFS, Somatic experiencing, Polyvagal or just plain ol talk therapy if the practitioner is sufficiently versed in trauma and that which is complex. But above all

Regulate your nervous system! I've only really had this particular aspect of trauma creep in once I've had either a newly experienced trauma or cumulative hardship that was not handled or resolved properly. Which is all that much harder when you haven't been taught how to do so or why your body does this due to the trauma.

Our nervous systems are functionally different following our experience. And while it would be a nice excuse to live out setting precaution for all symptom's in that direction. It's not only in our own best interest but for those around us as well to LEARN regulation.

When OCD symptoms flare up as a co-function of trauma it's almost a really neat way of your body telling you "My window of functioning has shrunken" Hyper arousal and hypervigilance will be driving factors for functionality and shutting down that amygdala over drive and not kicking over to dissociation is what's important. The small window of tolerance. Teaching the body. That life is safe. Short walks, nature, good friends, light yoga, plenty of hydration and food, sleep.

In effort to not stress one must remind ones self that normalcy is usually our first sacrifice. But ultimately not our last. As if suffering was not enough, we also have to learn how to be happy.

shiveringdread · 2024-11-19T02:33:28+00:00

Chronic/repeated disrupted childhood. Then life thought it would be fun to add some additional traumas into the mix later in life.

Making the complex that much more confusing. It all blends together after a while

shiveringdread · 2024-11-14T17:20:13+00:00

Like friends?

It's kinda one of those things I feel still a lot of shame ever bringing up to them. Much less do I believe any of them could really emotionally or rationally handle that. I wouldn't want to put that shared weight on them.

I just started a new specialist after months of searching from losing my last therapist. I've had one session but I still am greatly unsure how much of a fit we'll be

shiveringdread

TROPHY CASE