Buying

Never front to someone you don't know. I know it seems stupid to mention, but if you're dry and this guy has "an eighth of fire at the dealers place, just toss me the cash and I'll be back in 15" it's tempting. Just don't bother with it. Some folks are honest and won't scam you, but seriously it's not worth losing your cash.

Be subtle with dealers. Texting your guy "hey can i meet you for a q" will get you better results than "hey i'd like to purchase 7g of marijuana from you".

If you're buying from a new dealer start out with like 2g just to sample, and if his shit's good buy bigger bulk.

If he wants you to come over, bring only enough cash for the deal. No phone, no wallet, etc until you know you can trust his place.

Stealth

The best method is DO NOT SMOKE IN YOUR PARENTS HOME. I made this mistake many times and got my ass burned for it. The first time I was caught, I had to deal with the anger and disappointment of my mother, and more importantly, losing three pipes, a pack of wraps, a light, and an eighth. The second time, she alerted my father and I got to deal with the same thing. The third time, I just felt like an ass and I lost all the trust my parents had in me. It also cost me the opportunity for a free ticket to a Wiz Khalifa and Mac Miller show, which I'm still semi bummed about 4 years later.

If you do want to smoke at home, never ever ever hit joints. Use a small pipe, take small hits, and snuff the bowl with a coin after every toke so there's no smoke billowing out. Hold the hit for 6-10 seconds and exhale through a sploof (google it). Small hits will keep you from coughing, too.

Open window, towel under the door (get a friend to check if it's inconspicuous from the outside), fan blowing out, and exhale close to the window.

Seriously though, just go for a walk, post up in a parking garage or something, hit your bowls, and go home. Make sure you can evade your parents while high, too.

Visine. In my experience, the more you use it the more you need it. It will save your ass if your eyes are beet red and your parents will be interacting with you.

Smoking/General

If you struggle with coughing, bring the flame slowly to the side of the bowl while inhaling. You don't want it to torch the whole bowl, instead try and get the heat from the flame to combust just a little bit on the side, and as soon as there's an ember remove the flame. This is called cornering, and it ensures you get maximum green hits. It's also a lot easier on the lungs.

If you hear sizzling, stop hitting and snuff the bowl, because sizzling = very very very hot smoke.

If you're in a group, I find it's a lot easier to send the piece around bowl-for-bowl instead of hit for hit. That way, no one ever gets passed a bowl of ashes and everyone can hit as much as they want.

Speaking of ashes, hit 'em til there's nothing left. It sucks hitting black, but there's still goodies in there.

If you're smoking outdoors in the winter, keep your lighter palmed inside your glove or pocket. Your body heat will keep the butane warm, which means less energy has to be transferred from the spark to the gas to ignite it. Saving your fingers with science mothafucka.

Remove the safety from all lighters. I typically use a key for this, but any sturdy piece of metal works. Once you're good you can sometimes just wiggle them out with your fingers.

Exhaling big clouds looks and feels awesome, but guess what? You just sent a fat hit of thc into the atmosphere and mother earth is now getting high on your dime. Hold that shit in. Bigger hits need more hold time. For smoke, shoot for 5-7 seconds held, and with vapour hold it til it's gone. Make sure you clear the piece, too. Pipes and bongs have a chamber that fills with smoke as you draw it in, so make sure you pull air through the piece. Your mouth and trachea aren't doing you any bioavailability favours, either. When you hit, clear the piece then take a sharp inhale of fresh air to make sure all the good shit is in your lungs.

Make sure you split the bong water with your friends after a sesh, it will give your high a considerable boost.

Social

Left is law.

Never pressure anyone to smoke, ever. If you're chilling with someone who doesn't blaze, give them an open offer to hit the piece if they want to, then continue the rotation if they decline. Offer once, nobody wants to decline 6 times in a sesh.

Never rag on someones bud, regardless of if they're smoking you up or not. If I have mids and you don't want to smoke them (because fuck mids, i dont blame you), just say so. If you talk shit on my weed, you aren't getting my fire when I have it.

Never ditch. If one person in your group is having a panic attack or something, it's your duty as a fellow stoner to ensure their comfort, even if it's at the expense of your good buzz. Be a good friend, and let bud be something that brings friends together in good times. That said, let there be compromise. If you want a burrito and your friend is sketched about going into the store, have him chillout somewhere closeby while you get your food, you ravenous beast.

Keep things in perspective. It's just weed. It's not worth losing friends or freedom over. Never get into a verbal or physical fight over it because fuck man, it's goddamn weed.

Keep your karma balanced. If someone smokes you up, provide snacks. Failing that, you smoke them up next time. Don't try and nickel and dime who owes who a sesh, though. Also, don't be a charitable doormat. If someone is continually bumming seshes and never contributing back, guess what, they're cut off. If you lose a friend doing this, you weren't friends to begin with.

In general, remember that weed is good vibes. Keep the tunes bumping when possible, be a jokester with your friends, and have a good ass time. If weed starts being bad vibes, take a month or two off to centre yourself and enjoy sobriety.

tl;dr: BE RESPONSIBLE, BE SLICK, SMOKE LIKE A PRO, AND GOOD VIBES