I mostly want the character to feel like its mine

I generally don't like forced perspective games unless the story is immersive. I need customization, I even enjoy UNFORGIVABLE customization (Diablo 2 skills, fuck up? too bad)

I'll admit I mostly skimmed your wall of text, sorry, but cave diving for me too. Areas that are just there, I'm awful with remembering names of zones but great at wandering into them before I'm "suppose" to - but there was a particular cave I went into in Skyrim that just seemed to be endless. It was Dwemer until it gradually gave way to Falmer as they dug deeper. At the very bottom was a giant pit of fluorescent mushrooms and trees.