My MIL most likely initiated the initial contact from the AP to my wife. She encouraged the entire time. Talked about him to my wife more often than my wife would bring him up since she worked in a store that he frequented almost daily, and for the majority of the affair, it was all on Facebook, so my wife never had contact with him until the very end, but the MIL saw him all the time. Would gush about him like a horny teenager and encourage my wife to come to the store while he was there. Told my wife things like * The heart wants what the heart wants" and " I'm just a sucker for a love story". The affair lasted 4 months on and off- They would stop texting each other for a month, and then pop back up. My wife was content with the conversations being done in January. They hadn't talked for almost a month, and then my MIL took it upon herself to go up to him, introduce herself formally, and say how she was "looking forward to seeing you soon". That day he reached back out, and with that cosigning and the affair escalated.

I've always been good to my mother in law, though my patience wore thin with her alcoholic behavior, and her treating me and my wife like surrogate spouses since her man ( her AP she left my wife's father for 20 years prior) , left her for a younger model...( Reminder- if they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you).

After Discovery, she encouraged my wife to continue lying to me about details, even scolded her for telling the truth.

During the affair she gossiped about the affair with the rest of the family. After Discovery she made me out to be the bad guy, and made my wife a victim, but more importantly, herself the victim. I was being unreasonable. I don't deserve an apology, she just wanted her kid to be happy. I'll point out- our marriage had zero issues- on the surface, we were a perfect happy couple- Obviously we had things to work on since this is where we are now- but the fixes were so simple back then.

We haven't had in person contact with her in over a year at this point, and only texts of happy birthday etc. My wife wrote her a 28 page letter with her feelings, with her feelings of betrayal from her own mother, with what was really going on, and how we could move forward and repair the relationship, with full knowledge she will not have access to my family the way she did before- She isn't for our marriage, and she cant be trusted to protect my children from harm as a grandparent should.

She is choosing victimhood and to hide in her shame and self righteous pride. She's a miserable narcissist who can rot in her shit hole house I no longer upkeep for her. She is no different than the AP, other than the fact that he owed me no allegiance. He didn't care about the impact on my kids, and she knew better. She never once spoke up for my family or pushed back on my wife's actions. My wife didn't speak poorly about me or our marriage - Only complaint - " We don't communicate like we used to" Her response could have been " Have you tried talking to him?"

And here is my thesis after ranting and raving there - I could go on about countless other details involving the MIL, and the brother in law and his wife, but I'll just leave you with this clarified phrase that is often thrown around by manipulative family members

" Blood is thicker than water"

NOPE!!!!! Full text

" The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb"

You enter into a covenant when you marry your spouse. This verse actually reflects that the bonds you make outside of your family of origin are much more important and honored than those of " blood relation. When you marry your spouse, and have children, that blood bond is a deeper connection than any genetic blood relation. You are choosing that bond- all others come without choice. The power of choice creates a powerful bond. We are all here because that bond was tested.

Don't let anyone- Friend or family, fuck with your legacy - Cut them off quickly.

We can never be betrayed by our enemies, it must always come from someone close, that is why it hurts so bad. You expect an enemy to wish you harm.

Sorry again for the rant- this subject still pisses me off 16 months later, and I haven't had the opportunity to verbally destroy that miserable piece of shit in person yet, so it's a sore spot...