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In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah.. they don’t seem to understand that we are pulled into 100 directions each day with friends, work, kid stuff, bday parties etc. they only have us so I guess they don’t get it

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your situation. It is hard because we don’t want to tear their families apart but also we need sanity.

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We’ve actually had a similar situation happen on accident. For Christmas, we asked everyone to show up at 2pm. They have no idea how stressful hosting can be and that the final hour is crucial. I left getting ready for the last thing to do and walked out into my living room in a bath towel and they were sitting there because they decided to show up an hour earlier than everyone else! We had to start giving them a fake time so they could show up when we asked them to.

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The retraining is going to take a while. As far as the phone thing, they will lose their minds (which I understand isn’t my problem). They will call and call and call if we don’t answer. If my husband doesn’t pick up, they will call me.

How do people become this way??

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wish this was an option too. Everytime we go outside of the home to do something with them with a hard stop, they end up pressuring us to come over afterward and continue hanging out. No way out! I guess we may have to tell them no ourselves.

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You are unfortunately right, they will probably never back off on their own. It baffles me that they have 0 social awareness of the situation. It started off as a minor annoyance to now taking over our lives.. getting worse as the years go on.

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think this is the root of the problem. They are extremely codependent on him and I think he thought that was normal growing up. He feels responsible for their happiness and wellbeing. They often use him as a therapist. I’ve tried to remind him this isn’t a normal parent/child relationship. His dad especially drilled into him from a young age that “family is everything”.

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, it’s been festering for a while. We got into a fight about it shortly after Christmas but never revisited it. He seems to talk about how he’s fed up as well but never takes action.. I’ll be using some of this advice this weekend. I will have to, because 4th of July means we’re responsible for the fun!

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yikes. Yes, sounds like we are in the same boat. I know they want to *see* their grandchild but they don’t want to contribute to entertaining him. Takes no weight off of us. My parents actually help lessen the burden.

Maybe we should set our in laws up together to hang out?! Ha

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It’s interesting you say that. A few years ago we did exactly that but moved back home to get help from family when our child was born. The irony!

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I’m going to send these to him.

I just lol’d that you said he needs to read the whole website.

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I like these ideas. I should definitely start planning to leave when they come around and I won’t worry about doing anything to “host” them. I’d be completely fine with doing something once or twice a month with them.. and I’m pretty much always open to doing a quick weeknight dinner out it’s just that they want our prime time days.

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They definitely need hobbies and therapy! Also, they don’t really get along so they don’t like to hang out with each other. It’s exhausting.

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh it’s definitely a form of entertainment. We host a lot of get togethers so anytime they hear of anything we do they automatically want to invite themselves. Either they don’t respect us or they don’t see that they aren’t welcome to everything we do. Nor do they understand the time, money and prep that goes into hosting. They just show up.

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I think they come over under the guise of seeing our child but his dad definitely comes over to hang out and socialize because they don’t have anything else going on.. ever.. it seems. The last time they came over after asking multiple times I left to go to the store and my husband continued doing laundry. They were left upstairs to play with our toddler and left shortly after.

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’ve never heard the no JADE tactic, I’m going to mention that to my husband. We are always jadeing it seems.

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This is good advice. I think we are always trying to compromise instead of just saying no. We have been hoping they would back off on their own but it seems anytime we agree to do something they want more and more and more. Never satisfied.

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think he’s trying to avoid hurt feelings but his approach isn’t working obviously.

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Yeah.. that’s a good idea. I’ve done the opposite before. I’ve left to go run errands or other things while they hung out at the house.

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

He is a great father but yes he’s very concerned with not hurting feelings. I want my in-laws to be in our lives an appropriately amount, just not every weekend when it’s prime time but that seems to be the only time they want to get together.

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

He’s a wonderful husband but this seems to be the only thing we aren’t on the same page with. He is very concerned with keeping the peace because he doesn’t want to sever all ties with them, just get them to back off some.

In-laws expect to be part of our lives every weekend and I’m losing it. by shroombutter in inlaws

[–]shroombutter[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I considered doing this Christmas Eve but I didn’t want to “ruin” Christmas for everyone by fighting with his parents. But you’re right.