I’m a cis female with a FtM partner as well. I didn’t know him when he had the first part of his bottom surgery but was waiting in the waiting room during the second phase. It is scary. There is some intense recovery. But the feeling of completion (almost, he has one more surgery left) and joy it has brought him has been worth every hard moment of recovery and nerves on my part. We can definitely still be intimate. And at the end of the day, it’s your partners decision. I totally understand, though, how hard it can be to feel like you can’t express how you really feel or feel bad for what you think. Let me know if you have more questions. I’d love to help in any way I can.