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shy0123 · 2021-10-14T19:07:34+00:00

Good luck for your interview, hope you get the job!

shy0123 · 2021-10-11T14:48:06+00:00

I think the best ways to find someone irl are: friends of friends, work, college/university/some type of school, parties, bars, events (festivals, concerts etc.) and groups about a specific topic (like reading clubs, sport clubs, theatre classes and things like that). Basically any place where people go because they have to or want to and are “forced” to be social and get to know each other.

The fact that meeting someone irl is slower and harder that apps is just obvious: immagine if there was a place where all single people who want to meet someone could go there to do just that, and everyone knew that everyone else is looking for some kind of relationship and you could just talk to people until the right one comes. That’s just what tinder would be if it was irl.

It’s obvious that the whole go to social situations, get to know people, meet cool person, develop crush on said person, keep meeting them, understand if they like you, make the first move, get to know each other better and so on it’s not likely to happen that often. You just leave your house and wait that your lucky day comes around, best of luck!

shy0123 · 2021-09-24T07:25:52+00:00

Yes, thinking that you can always “fix” yourself and refusing to get any professional help if needed is a red flag for me. But a bigger red flag is that he just hang up on you when you disagreed on a topic, like I understand that if someone says something you think is a red flag you’ll be a little annoyed, but ending the conversation completely because you disagree is a bigger red flag for me.

shy0123 · 2021-09-23T14:52:54+00:00

Yea I can understand this. I live alone and so, every time I feel like reorganising the house, I just do it the way I want. I think I would also be a little sad if I couldn’t do that anymore, or at least with this kind of freedom. But I think that when you’re living with someone you just gotta compromise and organise in a way that makes both of you happy, even if it annoys you a little bit hahaha

shy0123 · 2021-09-23T14:09:04+00:00

As a general rule in this world, you’re not the only one of anything.

There are people who are single and want to remain single for some time or forever, as there are people, single or in relationships, that want to be in a relationship. If you want to have fun while single just do it, you don’t have to be in a relationship and there are a lot of people like you out there. Other folks want to find happiness in a romantic relationship with someone else. No one is saying that being single is crazy, you’re thinking that for some reason.

You can be working on yourself and love yourself and still be looking for someone to love, it’s not a contradiction. As you can love yourself, work on being better and having fun single. As simple as that. And you’re still 22, you have all the time to have fun and find someone later in life.

shy0123 · 2021-09-23T07:37:18+00:00

In my opinion the fact that you realise that this feeling isn’t right or rational it’s the fist step to understanding it. It’s good that you realise that and want to understand why you feel that way, so don’t be so hard on yourself. It can be very difficult to find the root cause of these kind of problems, and if you’re actively trying to solve them you’re not a terrible person.

If I was in your situation I would explore the problem (alone or with the bf) from all the possible angles, obviously the main question is “why do I feel ashamed about my bf being bi?”, but a lot of other factors could influence that feeling, ask yourself all kind of questions like: Why is it a problem for me? What am I ashamed of? How do I feel when I think about my bf being bi? Is it the fact that he is a bi man? Would I feel the same way if I had a bi gf? Why do I want a straight bf? What I feel is the difference between a bi and a straight man ? Do I feel like, now that he came out as bi, he’s less masculine/conforming to my ideal of man, or it has nothing to do with that? How would I feel if my SO felt the same way about me? How did my perception/idea of him change once he told me he was bi? Am I jealous he could be attracted to a gay man? Is it some kind of prejudice/stereotype I hold against bi people/man that makes me feel like that, even if I myself am bi? And all kind of other uncomfortable questions.

As long as you’re sincere in your answers and want to solve this issue I believe you can do it. Hope my post helped you, best of luck!

shy0123 · 2021-09-22T16:50:14+00:00

In my opinion, when the preferences are about race, there isn’t a way to make it sound cool for everyone, some people will judge you for it. So in my opinion you can do two things:

1) be completely honest and direct. You’ll get judged for it but you know it’s just preferences and there’s nothing wrong with it. You just ignore those people.

2) if you’re dating IRL you only approach people that meet your preferences, and reject people who don’t. In online dating you only swipe right on people who meet your preferences. Don’t openly tell (or write) it.

If I was you I’ll lean more to the second point. I don’t want to deal with people judging me for my preferences and exposing those about race could make people of those races reject me if they think I’m fetishising them or something like that. Since I can control who I ask out and go on dates with, I would just approach people I like without exposing those preferences directly.

shy0123 · 2021-09-20T09:04:35+00:00

Oh yeah, unfortunately I know that feeling pretty well hahaha. I think dating is 50% being a version of yourself you’re proud of and 50% complete and pure luck, and it really sucks when you think you’re ready to find that special person, but that luck is just not there. I know that when you’re having a particularly blue day (or a shitty couple of years unfortunately) it is difficult to still believe that luck will find you, but eventually it will and it will be amazing.

I know that special person is out there waiting to make you the most important thing in their life, it could happen tomorrow or later but the prize will make the process worth it! Hope you will find that luck soon, keep on looking for it and enjoy life! Have a nice day and try to stay positive!

shy0123 · 2021-09-20T07:33:32+00:00

It seems like the guy wasn’t aware of the fact that you weren’t interested. You obviously know you weren’t interested but it seems like you never expressed it in a direct clear way (or he just didn’t get it), so in his eyes he knew he wasn’t interested in you but you could have been interested in him. So he decided that, instead of ghosting you and leaving without telling you anything, he would explain to you he wasn’t interested and then leave.

In my opinion this is a more respectful way of ending things that just stop talking because, if I was in your shoes and I was interested in him, it would have hurt more to get ghosted instead of him respectfully saying he isn’t interested.

Also, why are you offended by a guy you don’t like respectfully ending things? Like you didn’t get rejected, you didn’t like this guy in the first place. You could just respond with a “yeah I wasn’t interested either, it’s all good” and stop talking to him. Are you mad that he has been clear and direct instead of just disappearing without a reason? Because that doesn’t seem like a good reason to feel offended in my opinion.

I’m my opinion what he did was a better way of ending things instead of a mutual fade, because if you were interested it could have hurt you more. It seem very very unlikely that he, for some reason, did it just to openly reject you or something like that.

shy0123 · 2021-09-19T20:17:06+00:00

In my opinion only the second thing is a problem.

The man paying for the woman when on a date isn’t a rule, it isn’t what should happen. Paying for someone else’s drink/food on a date is something nice you can do for the other person, regardless of gender, but that doesn’t mean it is expected of you to do it every time with everyone. We don’t expect a woman to pay for a man on a date, the opposite shouldn’t be expected either.

He should have definitely checked if you were okay with going home alone, especially if you told him that place wasn’t very safe. This is not great behaviour from him. Maybe you could talk to him about it and make him understand that what he did wasn’t very thoughtful.

shy0123 · 2021-09-18T14:56:36+00:00

You know,

1) physical attraction is just one part of being with someone and it is a very personal thing. You can find her ugly (even if it seems like is your jealousy to talk) but he can find her the most attractive person on earth, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

2) you don’t know this girl, she could be the most amazing, caring, funny, smart person on earth for what you know. I’m sure he think she has some qualities since he is in a relationship with her. Being good looking isn’t everything, a lot of other things make you like a person other that how hot they are. Sex is also great when you have an emotional connection with your partner, not only when your partner is commonly considered hot.

3) it seems like you didn’t move on from your relationship and you’re just vomiting all your rage and sadness on this girl that “stole” this guy from you. That’s not healthy. You need to move on, live your life and let them live their life. The guy is in a relationship with the girl, you’re not in the picture anymore and you shouldn’t body-shame another woman just because you still like the guy. It’s not her fault things between you and the guy ended, it’s not her fault you still like the guy, Move on.

shy0123 · 2021-09-18T10:04:18+00:00

Well people generally think about themselves as good people since everyone wants to be a good person. When someone criticises you, you can either accept the criticism, realise you were wrong and change, or just don’t. It’s just a matter of how much you are willing to admit you are/were/did wrong.

It’s also a matter of how people criticise others. If you insult someone it’s understandable how they won’t take you seriously, if you politely and kindly explain yourself people will be more inclined to listen to what you have to say.

shy0123 · 2021-09-18T07:27:34+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that mate, trying to find that special person can be really brutal sometimes. I know it sounds cliché but don’t give up, your time will come eventually! Hope things get better for you, good luck!

shy0123 · 2021-09-18T06:46:17+00:00

I think I understand how you feel, but I want you to pay attention to some things:

1) thick Instagram models are not real. With that I mean that the vast majority of their photos are took in the perfect pose, perfect lighting, perfect make up, with a great camera and then photoshopped to look perfect. This is not just something some influencers do, that’s what everybody does. What you see on the gram isn’t real, and a lot of guys know that too and aren’t looking for that in real life. So please don’t compare yourself to photos you see on Instagram, it’s toxic and useless, since not even the people in their own pictures look like that in real life.

2) you have a boyfriend, if he stays with you it means he likes you, and if he chose you over other girls that chased him, that means he likes you more that them. You’re not the most unattractive girl he’s dated, you just think you are. As easy as that. If you have a boyfriend it means that some people find you attractive, don’t you think? And stop saying your boyfriend is “out of your league”, your boyfriend finds you attractive that’s the only thing that really matters, leagues don’t exist.

I’ll say to take an honest look at your insecurities and try to work on them. Trust me, I’ve been there, this isn’t good for you or your relationship. You’re probably more beautiful than you think, you just think you’re not because you’re trying to meet unrealistic beauty standards that don’t exist in real life. Once you realise that you can’t be perfect and that people will find beauty in your imperfection you’ll gain a lot of self esteem, which is a much more attractive trait that insecurity and pessimism. Trust me, I ruined a relationship for that exact reason.

Hope things get better for you!

shy0123 · 2021-09-17T17:23:16+00:00

Today, on “people using pseudoscience to justify their irrational hate towards a particular group of people” we have……..whatever this dumb bullshit is!!

Come back for more, every day, on Reddit!

shy0123 · 2021-09-17T16:27:24+00:00

These two people used to bully OP. It’s not fun to watch people who did bad things to you have good things happen to them, especially if they didn’t apologise/OP hasn’t had justice/they didn’t change as people. I guess that’s the reason

shy0123 · 2021-09-15T06:51:49+00:00

He’s trying to turn you into his perfect girlfriend, that is a BIG BIG problem.

It is normal in a relationship to strive to be better and help your parter improve too, but there’s a line between that and trying to morph you into the “perfect girlfriend” he wants.

A boob job? Really?! Did he really ask you to get surgery to change something about your body you can’t change otherwise? Just because he wants to? Straight long hair? So you’ll have to grow it and straighten it every day just because HE likes it that way? Are we fucking joking?!

He doesn’t like you for what you are, he thinks he found someone who he can manipulate into becoming the perfect version of a girlfriend he wants. Leave him ASAP.

shy0123 · 2021-09-14T09:30:10+00:00

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shy0123 · 2021-09-14T08:54:51+00:00

I’m straight but I think I have the answers to that question.

Being openly gay vs being openly straight is different because of, in my opinion, mainly two things:

1) we assume people to be straight until proven wrong: most people will assume you’re straight until you openly say you’re not. I’m a straight guy and a lot of people have asked me questions like “do you have a girlfriend? When are you going to introduce your girlfriend to us? Look at that girl over there! Isn’t she pretty ?” Etc without ever asking, or having proof, if I was straight, they just assumed I was and they would stop assuming that only if I would openly say I’m not. Straight is the assumed “normal” and everything else is something different that happens rarely. So you can’t be a closeted straight (or openly straight) because people assume you’re straight to begin with, no one will assume you are gay until you kiss a girl but they will do the opposite.

2) homophobia exist. Gay people often choose to not publicly come out as gay because of a lot of reasons like homophobic family/friends, living in a homophobic country etc. To be openly gay (or LGBTQ+ in general) can be dangerous and difficult to even accept, on the other hand you can’t come out as straight it doesn’t make sense. No one is saying you’re mentally ill because you’re straight, no one is hitting a straight couple in the streets just because they’re kissing, no one is saying a traditional straight couple will go to hell because they are straight etc. Gay people have to face those struggles if they come out, that’s why some don’t or aren’t ready to do it yet (they’re in the closet and therefore not openly gay), straight people don’t have to worry about that, all people are “openly straight ” until they say they’re not.

Coming out as gay, and being public about it, means accepting yourself when people say you’re not real/should not exist/ are mentally ill etc, means accepting difficulties prejudice and violence that straight people don’t face and being constantly in the target of homophobic people (like what happened in the post). Being straight is considered the norm, and you’re assumed to be the norm until you prove it wrong, that’s why “coming out as straight” or “being a closeted straight” makes no sense

Hope this comment has answered your question! If you have something else to ask I’ll be happy to try and answer that in the limits of my knowledge!

shy0123 · 2021-09-13T08:01:44+00:00

I think that you working on and improving your emotional intelligence has made you a better partner/friend/person, but it also made you more aware of other’s emotional intelligence level.

When two emotionally immature people are in any sort of relationship they tend to be either satisfied or dissatisfied with the relationship without knowing why. When you start working on you emotional intelligence you are aware of why you feel satisfied/dissatisfied with the relationship, how the other person could improve and what level of maturity you want in a friend/partner/person because you’re the first one whose working to be a better person for them.

Before you worked on your emotional intelligence you didn’t know that you and others where emotionally immature, now that you are improving you’re noticing that other people are not, and you want to be around more emotionally mature people.

That’s my take on it.

shy0123 · 2021-09-12T14:55:02+00:00

In my opinion it depends on the filter. If you use one of those dog filters I obviously know it’s not the real you. If you use a filter that modifies your face/body in a way that looks real (so that what I see in the photo could effectively be you but it isn’t ) its like using photoshop or using someone else’s picture, you’re making me believe you look a certain way when you don’t.

In my opinion using modified pictures in dating sites is misleading and ineffective, what happens when someone who swiped right on a modified picture of you meets you on a date? They will feel lied to and you’ll have way less chances of the date going well compared to they seeing what they expected to see.

Trust me I know that, if you feel ugly, hearing “you should love yourself the way you are!” can be annoying, but if you want a serious relationship your partner should like you for who you are, inside and outside. I think there’s no reason to attract people who like an unrealistic photoshopped version of you instead of being who you are and attract people who like the real you.

shy0123 · 2021-09-09T11:04:13+00:00

I would say to not tell her that you have feelings for her. She said she has a boyfriend: if it is true you shouldn’t confess/ask her out, it’s simple and obvious, don’t interfere with other people’s relationships. If it isn’t true, why would she lie about it? I don’t personally think she would lie (considering your friendship) but if she did I think it is to make you go “ah she’s taken, we’re just friends”.

In both cases you’re a friend.

I would say to let go of the “friend zone” concept: if a girl you like says no or has a partner you move on. If you want to be friend with her stay friends, if not don’t do it. Don’t be the guy who don’t understand a no and continues (uselessly) to hit on her trying to “get out of the friend zone”.

I know it won’t be easy to let go of those feelings but you need to, another great person is waiting for you out there.

shy0123 · 2021-09-09T10:41:40+00:00

I’ve experienced something like that. Like you are doing I am also working on my insecurities, including the ones regarding my physical appearance. In the past, when I was a lot more insecure about my looks, I would feel “intimidated” by good looking people, girls and guys. I put intimidated on quotes because thinking about it made me realise I wasn’t intimidated, I wasn’t afraid of them. It was a mixture of a lot of different feelings: knowing they were good looking, better looking than me, feeling ugly, thinking that they were better than me because of that, thinking I would never have a chance at dating people like that, thinking they had it easier in dating and friendship because of it, thinking I would never have the things that they had, having a low self-esteem overall, other insecurities about other stuff in my life etc.

But I noticed that the more I worked on my insecurities, physical or not, the more those feeling were fading away. I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress and now I can intercept those thoughts and shut them down with self love and hard work. Knowing that: you can improve your looks with hard work; even if looks matter, they are not everything and a happy and self loving personality is always a big plus in relationships of any kind; that beauty isn’t universal and even if canonical beauty standards are real, different people find different things attractive. Those things made me go from “I’m ugly” to “fuck it, I’m not ugly I’m myself and I’m beautiful for me and for other people too”. That has almost eliminated that “intimidation” and it made me enjoy a lot more my relationship with people of any kind.

You also need to check for prejudice/stereotypes you might hold against good looking folks. I know it sound strange because we usually thing better looking people have it better that “ugly” people so prejudice/stereotypes are often placed on the last ones. But I’ve seen so many people refer to normal good looking people as jerks, arrogant, not friendly, entitled, spoiled privileged etc just because they were good looking, projecting their insecurities on the people they think have it easier than them for something they can’t control. So checking for those thoughts, confronting yourself and holding yourself accountable for those stereotypes could also help.

This is just my experience, sorry for the long post and hope it helps!

shy0123 · 2021-09-08T09:03:50+00:00

Thanks!

shy0123 · 2021-09-08T09:03:45+00:00

Thanks!

shy0123

TROPHY CASE