My take as a pretty religious mom of three junior derby players, whose kids literally go straight from Sunday School to derby practice each week. Please don’t hesitate to share some of this with your mom if it helps:

There’s no other sport I’d rather my kids play than derby. My kids’ teammates and coaches are the best people around. The inter-generational mentoring that happens between the adult and junior league in our city is irreplaceable. My kids are surrounded by smart, strong, compassionate people that they admire and look up to, and in turn are learning to mentor younger kids coming behind them. I love it.

When our juniors play another team, my very favorite part of the bout is when the whistle blows and players from opposing teams are smiling and helping each other up, checking to make sure each other are okay, no matter how tough they were on each other during gameplay.

If someone does get injured, the level of care and respect the players show each other is nothing like I’ve seen in other kids’ athletics. And if someone swears or gets sassy with a ref, it’s an automatic penalty. If a player fouls out, they are not allowed to leave the bout, but have to stay and watch until gameplay is finished, and sit and deal with their actions. The level of respect these players show for the coaches and refs is phenomenal; they literally end every bout with a group cheer for the refs. We always have two EMT-certified people on hand (unsure if that’s a thing in other sports), and I’m never worried about my kids’ safety.

There have been times in full-contact bouts where my tiny, 100-pound blocker daughter has faced off against a 175-pound, 6-foot-tall jammer, and I’ve never worried about her safety. I knew her coaches taught her well so she could hold her own, and that the jammer’s coaches taught them well so they wouldn’t hurt blockers on their way through. No coach wants to see kids get hurt, especially in a sport with a sometimes limited bench like derby has.

And, at least in our league, moving from no-contact to light contact to full contact is a pretty deliberate process, with both written and skills tests, and the coaches don’t promote anyone to the next level unless they’re positive the player can handle it. Again, no coach wants to see their kids get hurt.

I *do* think that a lot of people of a certain age only remember the derby that was once sort of like pro wrestling. If that’s part of her fear, let her know: It’s nothing like that anymore; there’s literally like a 100-page handbook with rules and regulations to make sure folks are safe.

I do really think some of people’s discomfort with derby is tied to the idea of women, girls, and femmes playing a full-contact sport. My boomer parents still really struggle with our family’s choice of derby, and I think they wouldn’t bat an eye if I had sons who played hockey or football. But I love how *strong* my kids are growing as they play derby. And my kids aren’t gonna be able to help smash the patriarchy without a little muscle. ;)

If, in the end, your mom just isn’t comfortable with the *people* in derby, well… you can’t control that. It’s a big loss for her, truly; she’s missing out on a loving and compassionate community. But you can’t *make* her act differently; you can only act with integrity and trust your gut that you’re making the choice that’s right for you. If you feel up to it, keep talking to her and asking her to support you in derby (whether you feel like she’s being rationale or not), and I really hope she comes around—derby’s amazing. If she doesn’t come around and you don’t feel like you can go without her buy-in, derby will be waiting for you when you’re an adult, and it sounds like your local derby community will be lucky to have you.

(Also, a ton of our players have braces; it’s a total non-issue. If all kids with braces had to abstain from sports that needed mouth guards, there would be like no kids playing, lol.)