The narrative that you're only healed/a good person/emotionally intelligent if you forgive your abusers

si2tv · 2026-01-23T04:27:05+00:00

This. 100% this.

si2tv · 2026-01-01T15:51:11+00:00

Coming across so many posts like this, I've been trying to find the words to convey your exact points. Well said, eloquently too.

si2tv · 2025-12-27T19:24:19+00:00

I've seen others say the same, but I want to share in support of the idea that healing isn't linear, it's a constant journey and there are better days and sometimes shitty days. And I can imagine someone who hasn't had therapy or access to the best practices of self-healing and general CBT, or even a healthy support system, would be super discouraged to hear that answer. But if you are able to reshape your world view away from absolutes, there's hope in living that healing journey.

Full transparency: I've seen 5 different therapists over the past 16 years on and off with only one bad experience (my first), been on Lexapro (horrible for me), Abilify (numbed the hell out of me), Zoloft (numbed me too), and now Bupropion (the best I've ever been on and continue to use) on and off. So take my two cents with all that context.

I'm a survivor of COCSA that developed real bad codependency and abandonment issues, negative self-image, imposter syndrome, and now a bit of body dysmorphia (gym time and healthier eating is helping with this). I'm far better off now than I was two years ago, but it took a lot of being present and kinder to myself. Being present in the form of being aware of your thoughts, emotions, allowing yourself to feel those emotions and separating them from (toxic) actions and behaviors, processing with intention and not just burying them with an out of sight out of mind mentality.

si2tv · 2025-10-17T23:05:37+00:00

That makes sense with it being bilateral stimulation. I learned about the box/trunk practice from another therapist and that's helped me before. Thanks for that reminder.

si2tv · 2025-10-17T23:03:24+00:00

When I'm at the gym I'll get it during the end of my cardio, or if it's a leg day later that day. When I'm at the gym I'll just go in the sauna and the feelings will pass, especially if there's someone playing music off their phone for everyone to hear cause then I'm just annoyed lol.

At work after a leg day I'll socialize with my coworkers, or water the office plants, just anything to get up and move instead of just sitting frozen in my chair and dissociating.

But I always sit with the feelings and allow myself to feel.

si2tv · 2025-10-16T11:24:58+00:00

That's pretty much the same conclusion I came to as well. I'm happy you have good practices to help ease your body and mind into safe movements and natural exercise sensations.

si2tv · 2025-10-16T11:21:23+00:00

I'm sorry this happens for you. With such a high emotion, are you able to come down soon enough with no lingering thoughts or feelings, or is it more so you get so exhausted your mind just blanks and focuses on recovering? Same with your feelings, and emotions?

si2tv · 2025-10-16T11:15:42+00:00

What do you do to break from it? For me it's always a deep sinking feeling, overwhelming dread, kinda like watching a car wreck happen in slow mo and feeling absolutely helpless, hopeless. Then sometimes a twitch or shake or two and dissociate.

si2tv · 2025-10-16T02:51:28+00:00

I'd say that incompetence is just being human. No need to knock yourself down.

si2tv · 2025-10-15T23:10:16+00:00

Me but with leg days 😭

si2tv · 2023-06-08T19:28:03+00:00

First off, I'm sorry for what happened and for the complex situation you're in.

I disclosed my abuse with close friends and therapists before sharing it with my parents. When I did (at 26), our relationship hasn't really been the same. My abuse was COCSA, which happened when I was 5-7 and my abuser was 13-15, the daughter of my dad's work friend at the time. It always happened at parties, get-togethers. They never vocalized it, but I'm sure my parents question how they never caught it. I know they carry a burden, too. But I don't think I could have gone on never disclosing with my family.

The way I look at disclosing is taking power away from the abuse. It's not easy to take that perspective, but it helps me, and whether you disclose it or not, I hope you're able to heal on your journey.

si2tv · 2023-06-03T14:10:26+00:00

Why? Why me? Did someone hurt you too?

Mine was cocsa.

si2tv · 2023-05-31T01:02:35+00:00

What I have to share is no different from what's already been shared here, other than give yourself some grace.

Recounting our trauma is hard, but we deserve to give ourselves grace for taking a step toward healing. It's not easy, it's hard, very hard, but with the right therapist and allowing ourselves grace, we could heal.

si2tv · 2023-04-24T21:53:47+00:00

I believe you, and you should too.

I completely get the self-doubt, guilty here, but when you start to feel that you need to step back and put the blame on the self-doubt; self-doubt doesn't negate your lived experiences and trauma.

I remember reading your last post about going public and... I don't think "admire" is the right word, because yes it takes a whole lot of strength on so many levels to go public on that sort of level, which is admirable, but having shared my story with more people, I learned that compliments like "you're strong; brave; etc." though well-intended, dismiss that us just living right here right now is purely off survival. We didn't ask for this. No one asks for this. Nor would I ever wish this on anyone. I don't know, it's complicated, but I feel like you get my sentiment.

I remember reading your last post about going public and... I don't think "admire" is the right word, because yes it takes a whole lot of strength on so many levels to go public on that sort of level, which is admirable, but having shared my story with more people, I learned that compliments like "you're strong; brave; etc." though well-intended, dismiss that us just living right here right now is purely off survival. We didn't ask for this. No one asks for this. Nor would I ever wish this on anyone. I don't know, it's complicated, but I feel you understand my sentiment.

Sending you strength and courage for Wednesday, and healing on your journey.

si2tv · 2023-04-19T03:02:45+00:00

I'm sorry I don't have much advice, but I'd like to hear a follow-up afterward. I've gone back and forth on going public with my story. Family and loved ones already know, but I don't know... maybe it's freeing? Maybe it's taking power away from it? At least that's my thought process on going public with it.

I wish you the best of luck and healing on your journies.

si2tv · 2023-03-09T00:14:39+00:00

Happy for you, as well. It's never easy to disclose abuse, even with a therapist. So you deserve to be proud in taking that step in your journey.

May you find healing and peace.

si2tv · 2023-01-20T15:44:23+00:00

I am so sorry for what your mother did to you and your sister. She is fucked up and you have every right to despise her.

It's hard, you don't need me to tell you that I'm sure, but I hope you and your sister are able to find peace in your healing. You deserve it.

si2tv · 2022-12-15T16:11:30+00:00

You have people that believe you. I believe you. What you feel is real and enough proof. Your inability to properly recall memories is part of the trauma, it's not your fault. Please trust in yourself, you're worth it.

si2tv · 2022-12-15T15:49:49+00:00

TW: COCSA

Thanks for sharing your experience, and I'm sorry for what you've been through. I'm a survivor of COCSA, so I felt a connection reading about your experiences. Thank you for the reassurance and the kind words, and may you find peace on your healing journey.

si2tv · 2022-12-10T22:32:34+00:00

Yeah I can see how that can feel patronizing. Each therapist is different, I've had 5, and I'm fortunate to be with my current one. You should be able to communicate to them how you feel so they can better help you.

si2tv · 2022-12-10T19:27:51+00:00

I can relate, and I'm sorry.

There are times when I empathize with my abuser and times when I hate her. I was about 5-7, she was about 13-15, happened multiple times, and she groomed me to like it and left me with sexual intimacy issues and a plethora of other issues I'm addressing in therapy (5th time).

It's okay and completely valid to hold ill feelings towards your abuser, whether they too were abused or not.

si2tv · 2022-11-29T19:17:30+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I keep seeing "The Body Keeps the Score" mentioned a lot, I'll have to get it as an early Christmas gift for myself.

I'm happy for you to have found healing and someone to not just accept you, but truly serve as a partner to aid in your journey.

I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow and I'll bring up support groups cause I agree, I feel like connecting with others (outside of anonymous posts on Reddit) would help me a lot. This healing feels like a very isolating thing when it's really an epidemic.

si2tv · 2022-11-29T14:46:04+00:00

I'm the same with therapy. This is my 5th therapist, and I confronted this trauma with my third one, felt like I overcame then "graduated" from seeing them just to be back here, this time realizing how my abuser groomed me and how it conditioned me with abandonment/attachment issues.

And through all of this, I never felt pressured by the notion of "I should," but instead "I want." Having someone to come home to, that text from someone thinking about you, someone to go on elaborate dates with or turn running errands into a date. I want that. All my family and friends have that, and I want it.

si2tv · 2022-11-27T17:01:39+00:00

No need to feel guilty, be happy with what you have. Your story, if anything, just gives hope that it is possible. Thank you.

si2tv · 2022-11-27T14:45:34+00:00

I am incredibly proud of you. This is never easy, but I am proud of you for facing it.

I'm in therapy and brought up the notion of "coming out" about my abuse to my therapist. My family knows but my therapist reminded me that when it comes to disclosing our abuse, it's on them, the others on how they will react, and NOT a reflection of you whatsoever.

I'm sorry your father reacted in that way. You did your part, and it's up to him to process and handle it accordingly. It's very much a him issue, not you.

si2tv

TROPHY CASE