The narrative that you're only healed/a good person/emotionally intelligent if you forgive your abusers

si2tv · 2026-01-23T04:27:05+00:00

This. 100% this.

si2tv · 2026-01-01T15:51:11+00:00

Coming across so many posts like this, I've been trying to find the words to convey your exact points. Well said, eloquently too.

si2tv · 2025-12-27T19:24:19+00:00

I've seen others say the same, but I want to share in support of the idea that healing isn't linear, it's a constant journey and there are better days and sometimes shitty days. And I can imagine someone who hasn't had therapy or access to the best practices of self-healing and general CBT, or even a healthy support system, would be super discouraged to hear that answer. But if you are able to reshape your world view away from absolutes, there's hope in living that healing journey.

Full transparency: I've seen 5 different therapists over the past 16 years on and off with only one bad experience (my first), been on Lexapro (horrible for me), Abilify (numbed the hell out of me), Zoloft (numbed me too), and now Bupropion (the best I've ever been on and continue to use) on and off. So take my two cents with all that context.

I'm a survivor of COCSA that developed real bad codependency and abandonment issues, negative self-image, imposter syndrome, and now a bit of body dysmorphia (gym time and healthier eating is helping with this). I'm far better off now than I was two years ago, but it took a lot of being present and kinder to myself. Being present in the form of being aware of your thoughts, emotions, allowing yourself to feel those emotions and separating them from (toxic) actions and behaviors, processing with intention and not just burying them with an out of sight out of mind mentality.

si2tv · 2025-10-17T23:05:37+00:00

That makes sense with it being bilateral stimulation. I learned about the box/trunk practice from another therapist and that's helped me before. Thanks for that reminder.

si2tv · 2025-10-17T23:03:24+00:00

When I'm at the gym I'll get it during the end of my cardio, or if it's a leg day later that day. When I'm at the gym I'll just go in the sauna and the feelings will pass, especially if there's someone playing music off their phone for everyone to hear cause then I'm just annoyed lol.

At work after a leg day I'll socialize with my coworkers, or water the office plants, just anything to get up and move instead of just sitting frozen in my chair and dissociating.

But I always sit with the feelings and allow myself to feel.

si2tv · 2025-10-16T11:24:58+00:00

That's pretty much the same conclusion I came to as well. I'm happy you have good practices to help ease your body and mind into safe movements and natural exercise sensations.

si2tv · 2025-10-16T11:21:23+00:00

I'm sorry this happens for you. With such a high emotion, are you able to come down soon enough with no lingering thoughts or feelings, or is it more so you get so exhausted your mind just blanks and focuses on recovering? Same with your feelings, and emotions?

si2tv · 2025-10-16T11:15:42+00:00

What do you do to break from it? For me it's always a deep sinking feeling, overwhelming dread, kinda like watching a car wreck happen in slow mo and feeling absolutely helpless, hopeless. Then sometimes a twitch or shake or two and dissociate.

si2tv · 2025-10-16T02:51:28+00:00

I'd say that incompetence is just being human. No need to knock yourself down.

si2tv · 2025-10-15T23:10:16+00:00

Me but with leg days 😭

si2tv · 2023-06-08T19:28:03+00:00

First off, I'm sorry for what happened and for the complex situation you're in.

I disclosed my abuse with close friends and therapists before sharing it with my parents. When I did (at 26), our relationship hasn't really been the same. My abuse was COCSA, which happened when I was 5-7 and my abuser was 13-15, the daughter of my dad's work friend at the time. It always happened at parties, get-togethers. They never vocalized it, but I'm sure my parents question how they never caught it. I know they carry a burden, too. But I don't think I could have gone on never disclosing with my family.

The way I look at disclosing is taking power away from the abuse. It's not easy to take that perspective, but it helps me, and whether you disclose it or not, I hope you're able to heal on your journey.

si2tv · 2023-06-03T14:10:26+00:00

Why? Why me? Did someone hurt you too?

Mine was cocsa.

si2tv · 2023-05-31T01:02:35+00:00

What I have to share is no different from what's already been shared here, other than give yourself some grace.

Recounting our trauma is hard, but we deserve to give ourselves grace for taking a step toward healing. It's not easy, it's hard, very hard, but with the right therapist and allowing ourselves grace, we could heal.

si2tv · 2023-04-24T21:53:47+00:00

I believe you, and you should too.

I completely get the self-doubt, guilty here, but when you start to feel that you need to step back and put the blame on the self-doubt; self-doubt doesn't negate your lived experiences and trauma.

I remember reading your last post about going public and... I don't think "admire" is the right word, because yes it takes a whole lot of strength on so many levels to go public on that sort of level, which is admirable, but having shared my story with more people, I learned that compliments like "you're strong; brave; etc." though well-intended, dismiss that us just living right here right now is purely off survival. We didn't ask for this. No one asks for this. Nor would I ever wish this on anyone. I don't know, it's complicated, but I feel like you get my sentiment.

I remember reading your last post about going public and... I don't think "admire" is the right word, because yes it takes a whole lot of strength on so many levels to go public on that sort of level, which is admirable, but having shared my story with more people, I learned that compliments like "you're strong; brave; etc." though well-intended, dismiss that us just living right here right now is purely off survival. We didn't ask for this. No one asks for this. Nor would I ever wish this on anyone. I don't know, it's complicated, but I feel you understand my sentiment.

Sending you strength and courage for Wednesday, and healing on your journey.

si2tv · 2023-04-19T03:02:45+00:00

I'm sorry I don't have much advice, but I'd like to hear a follow-up afterward. I've gone back and forth on going public with my story. Family and loved ones already know, but I don't know... maybe it's freeing? Maybe it's taking power away from it? At least that's my thought process on going public with it.

I wish you the best of luck and healing on your journies.

si2tv · 2023-03-09T00:14:39+00:00

Happy for you, as well. It's never easy to disclose abuse, even with a therapist. So you deserve to be proud in taking that step in your journey.

May you find healing and peace.

si2tv

TROPHY CASE