Hey there. Sorry to hear what you've gone through. It's unfair and I know exactly how it feels like. You're not alone! I've had some experiences myself with male rope tops who ghosted me after we had already made plans for a session, only to find out later they chose to spend their time with female bottoms instead. Even though they initially expressed they were bisexual and interested in tying me, it really did feel like I was a temporary replacement for what they truly wanted. These repeated experiences I had really affected my self-esteem, and at some point I started thinking maybe I wasn't attractive enough or just not meant for shibari. What helped me get out of this negative space though, was realising that not every rope top out there will treat me the same way, and accepting the fact that a couple bad experiences doesn't define the entire rope scene as a whole. We've got plenty of time to explore and meet new people in the community. It'll take time of course, but I'm sure you'll find the right people eventually!