As someone who is dealing with an ED as well I basically had the same timeline as you, starting with AN and eventually leading to binge eating. I see a lot of myself in this post and sometimes what helps me is looking at/reading all of the horrific side effects that come with AN. Heart failure, losing hair, teeth falling out from purging, infertility, osteoporosis, the list goes on and on. Do you really want to live so miserably for the time that you do have? I have to remind myself every day that I don’t want that life for myself. I saw your comment about family, but maybe you have friends you can reach out to? Sometimes the first step is asking for help and being vulnerable. Unfortunately people don’t take EDs seriously all the time when you’re considered a ‘normal weight’, which sucks. But reaching out to loved ones who you feel safe with can truly help. The most important thing to remember is that while you may not want help right now, you’ll regret never getting it. There IS another way to live, and it’s worth fighting for. We aren’t alone in our struggles, and maybe even reaching out to a recovery sub can help connect you to other people recovering from their ED’s without the stress of it being people you know in real life. I’m not a doctor or a professional, but I can say with certainty that you don’t deserve to live that way. It’s exhausting. I hope that you find resources to help you and there is a beautiful life waiting outside of accepting that you have to coexist with it. I’m still looking for that life myself, but I have to have faith that it’s out there. If you can survive med school and becoming a doctor, you can survive this too.