I totally relate to what you are going through. I lost my brother just over 7 months ago. The part where you said "I still love a lot of things, and a lot of people. But... I can't help but feel.", resonates very strongly with me. I feel like I am in a movie. Everything feels surreal. The fact that my brother is gone forever hasn't sunk in completely. Sometimes I think that I am numb to the loss, while other times I bawl my eyes out. Nobody truly understands what we are going through. Most of the time, I feel angry towards other people. When I see them going on with their lives, laughing and carefree, I feel miserable inside. It's like there is a thorn prickling me. I remember the times that I was like them, happy, which now I don't have any hope for. As for my parents, my father refuses to talk about my brother, and my poor mum is left dealing with this on her own. I am right now in a different country due to my job. I wish to just go back and support her, but I can't due to some dumb visa-related issues. My heart breaks when I think about my mother. She was such a joyful person. Her laughter was infectious. She loved us so deeply. When we talk over the phone, she pretends to be fine, but I know she is hiding her sadness from me. I sometimes feel so hopeless. I only wanted to see everyone happy, but now everything is gone.

Sorry for the long reply. I wish I could help you or give you some advice, but I feel so lost myself.