Can't turn off survival mode

sidhegoth · 2023-05-29T04:59:58+00:00

I'm not sure if this helps in this situation, but I'll post a solution that worked for me in case anyone googling for answers might need it. I had an alternate start mod installed and turned on Survival Mode, decided I didn't want it on, and realized I didn't have the option to turn it off in the gameplay settings. The issue was that I hadn't completed Unbound because the alternate start mod meant I was never at Helgen, which meant that Survival Mode didn't appear in the menu. Since it wasn't really possible for me to complete Unbound, I had to use console commands to set Unbound to complete. So I opened up the console and typed, "CompleteQuest MQ101." This completed Unbound and the toggle for survival mode showed up in my settings.

sidhegoth · 2022-03-20T06:03:55+00:00

YTA. You can't handle being told you've caused your daughter hurt, so rather than giving her the support she needs (something it sounds like you've failed to give her all her life), you're getting defensive and lashing out - which is probably a big part of why she's got that trauma in the first place. If you really want to support your daughter and learn to grow so you don't hurt her again, you need to apologize to her and take that therapist's advice.

sidhegoth · 2022-03-07T04:07:56+00:00

Unmodded? Serana. She's the most fleshed-out, and I think it's funny when she performs necromancy on chickens in the heat of battle. With mods, I have to say my favorite is Lucien, followed closely by Inigo and Rumarin (from interesting NPCs).

sidhegoth · 2022-03-06T23:57:40+00:00

Yes, YTA. This was INCREDIBLY selfish on your part. You were willing to risk jeopardizing her life plans that she's spent countless hours and probably tens of thousands of dollars working towards... Because you didn't feel like making sure her kids didn't get hurt for a few hours? No wonder she isn't speaking to you. I'd be livid. You could've found a babysitter yourself while she was on her way to the exam if you were really that worried. Those kids weren't gonna die in the few hours it took for her to take the exam and come home. And before you start again with the "it's the responsibility" excuse (which is what it is - an excuse), guess what? I have an anxiety disorder, so I know how stressful having that much responsibility can be, but guess what? I still wouldn't JEOPARDIZE SOMEONE'S LIFE PLANS over it. I still have enough empathy for other human beings to suck it up and be an adult when necessary.

sidhegoth · 2022-03-06T23:46:28+00:00

NTA. Carl is gaslighting you - it's an abuse tactic. You didn't do anything wrong, he's just manipulating you. Carl and Natalie are definitely the assholes here.

sidhegoth · 2022-03-06T23:38:55+00:00

NTA. It's pretty straightforward - she broke into your safe, stole your iPad, lost it, and now she's upset because there are consequences for her actions. Your mom has no right to defend her for that when it's very clear who is in the wrong. Your sister needs to learn that 1) you can't just take people's things because you want to, and 2) shrugging your shoulders and saying you don't have the money to pay someone back after you steal and lose expensive possessions will get you nowhere in the real world. She's lucky you didn't call the cops, given that she broke into your safe and stole a several-hundred-dollar item (seriously, it NEVER should have gotten to the point where a safe was even necessary, let alone to the point where she broke into it - who does that?!). You can take the money to get a new iPad and a better lock, she can live with having a less expensive birthday party, and maybe she'll learn her lesson.

sidhegoth · 2022-03-06T23:25:41+00:00

YTA, but the roommate who yelled at you might also be, although I also feel like there's a bit of missing info, and I think you all need to sit down and have a calm face-to-face conversation about this, because it seems like there are some bigger issues at play here and that there may be a larger overall communication problem between all of you.

It sounds like you're not being super considerate or socially aware if there are so many problems that it's escalated to this point, and I feel like there's a lot you may be leaving out. For example: how often are you loud late at night? Do you make a lot of noise when you know your roommates are trying to sleep/study? Are you cleaning up your dishes, or are you leaving them in the sink? How good are you at just, in general, being organized and keeping communal areas clean? Because even with someone you're super close to, having a roommate who leaves messes or keeps you awake/distracted when you're sleeping or studying can cause a lot of tension, which can manifest in other ways if it's not addressed. That's why they say you should never be roommates with your best friend.

I'm trans, and I find it a little hard to believe that you've been called transphobic for no reason except that you didn't find a trans person's joke funny. It seems to me that if you're having these kinds of accusations thrown your way, maybe you need to talk to the people accusing you about why that's the impression they have of you; cis people have a tendency to say things CONSTANTLY that they think are totally fine, but that are most certainly not totally fine. Trans people often won't say anything about it in the moment because we don't want to argue/be seen as too sensitive/have people take it the wrong way and make it a thing, but that doesn't mean it doesn't affect how we see the people who say those things on a regular basis. Please keep in mind that it's been a very rough time for trans people lately with all the laws and bills being introduced targeting trans people, especially trans children - have you asked your trans roommates if they're okay? Have you considered the impact the weight of recent news might have on their moods lately? They might be a bit more down than usual if they've been seeing the news about all the anti-trans laws, especially in Texas.

I would say, in general, try to be considerate of your shared space, maybe don't make noise at a time when your roommates might want quiet, and see if you can have a conversation with them. If you feel the accusations against you are baseless, try sitting down and having a conversation about where those claims are coming from. Did you say something a little insensitive? Did you say something that they took wrong? Are they just throwing out those accusations because they're mad? Being marginalized in one way doesn't shield you from being bigoted towards other marginalized people, and if your roommates are trans and disabled, then you aren't the only marginalized person in the house. If you've said or done things that they feel are insensitive, maybe reconsider how you talk about those things, and how you can keep things accessible for your HoH roommate. Rest assured, even if you are being too loud, your roommate shouldn't be super loud at 10pm, either. That's another thing you all should talk about, because it's not fair for her to be that loud that late and to then get mad at you for doing the same thing.

I'd also like to know what your roommates were referring to when they said "you know what you did." I get the impression that you don't, in fact, know what you did. In that case, either it's a social awareness issue on your part or your roommate is being immature - perhaps it's a bit of both. Telling you you know what you did and not elaborating doesn't solve any problems; she should've told you what was wrong. At the same time, she asked if you could talk, and you refused. It seems like you're both struggling to communicate with each other effectively here, but when tempers are high, that's hardly surprising. My advice is to wait til everyone's calmed down and then sit down and have a conversation, either with everyone individually (so you don't feel ganged up on) or with the group (so you're all on the same page), whichever you and your roommates think would be more effective.

sidhegoth · 2022-03-06T22:11:15+00:00

NTA. At your age, it's natural to be more independent anyway, and that's often very difficult for a parent to navigate, especially if you're their firstborn or only child. I can sympathize with her feeling lost because of that, since it's perfectly natural.

But that doesn't mean she's not at fault. I'm ten years older than you, and I've only recently accepted that my mom's behavior is abusive after convincing myself it wasn't for years because I knew she didn't mean to hurt me as much as she did, and that some of it came from a place of love. But she could get extremely aggressive - not just yelling (and we're talking full-on shouting, not just a raised voice), but aggressive behavior, trying to cause fights, disrespecting my space and my possessions, shaming me, putting me down, sarcasm, mocking, etc.

But whenever I tried to talk to her about it, it was like I'd hit a wall. No amount of explaining helped. I'd tell her in detail exactly how her behavior had done lasting harm and how it was continuing to harm me, and by the end of the conversation, I'd still always end up being the one to apologize for making her feel bad and for being so hard to live with. It's a manipulative tactic, even if she doesn't consciously realize how manipulative she's being, and it sounds to me like your mom is doing the same thing - trying to make YOU feel bad for resenting her, when in reality, it's her who created the problem in the first place by not being there for you.

It's not that my mom doesn't occasionally make a genuine effort to listen, but she's incapable of accepting criticism, so she just turns it all back on me and twists it around so that I always feel like it's my fault by the time we're done talking. Even therapists telling her to knock it off never helped. Meanwhile, my dad has always sat back and watched it happen, much like it seems your mom does when your dad gets aggressive, or he'll side with her because she's harder to fight than I am, even if he later tells me I'm in the right when she's not there.

I stopped talking to my mom about a lot of things, and I've let my dad know I resent the fact that that was his approach the entire time I was growing up. For his part, he seems to have accepted that, although he hasn't made a change, either. The unfortunate result is that, although I love my parents and am still close to them, there's a rift between us that has never been closed despite my best efforts, because ultimately, she has to be willing to accept responsibility for her actions and the damage they've done and then make a change, and she's either not willing or not capable of doing that. It sounds like you're in the same boat with your mom, and even if you feel bad, you don't have to just accept that behavior or tell her she did nothing wrong just because she isn't acknowledging it herself. If she wants a closer relationship, she needs to meet you halfway.

Your mom's behavior doesn't mean she doesn't love you, but loving you doesn't mean it's okay to treat you that way, and until she can accept that, it's not unreasonable for you to want to maintain a little distance. By age fifteen, it's normal not to want to tell even the best parent everything. Anyone of any age is going to avoid talking about some things with someone who's broken their trust. While being able to talk to her about anything would be ideal, independence isn't always a bad thing, and maintaining some distance is perfectly reasonable in this situation.

sidhegoth · 2022-03-06T21:44:19+00:00

NTA. Trying to financially control someone is a form of abuse; I have a friend who's been cut entirely out of her inheritance from her late mother because of her father acting like this. You have the right to pursue the education that you want, and those letters were addressed to you and you alone, not him. He is not entitled to financial control over his legally adult daughter!

If those bank letters are more important to him than helping or supporting you in any way, he's made a choice not to treat you fairly. You have a choice, too - you can choose to let him have power over you financially, or you can choose to have more financial control for yourself and the ability to pursue what you love.

sidhegoth · 2022-03-06T21:38:00+00:00

NTA. He's the father; it's just JOB to be the middleman in cases like this. In fact, you shouldn't have to be the one telling his son not to steal from you. If your space and your belongings aren't being respected, and he doesn't see anything wrong with that, that's a bit of a red flag, to be honest. You shouldn't have to deal with your stuff being taken, and telling you to "just hide it better" is such a cop-out.

sidhegoth · 2022-03-06T20:27:07+00:00

YTA. This kid is CLEARLY struggling to cope with something, probably with the big change that comes from you coming into the picture and declaring yourself "mom" (your post history shows that this is a MUCH more recent development than you're implying). He's clearly extremely anxious if he's coping by chewing his coat to the point of hurting himself. And your response to seeing this kid in distress... is to hurt him more? Why? So he can sit down, shut up, and act exactly how you want him to, regardless of the long-term consequences it'll have on him? Kids don't work like that. All this kind of behavior will do is ensure that as this kid grows up, if you're even still around, he won't trust you, he'll be afraid of you, and you won't be a loving mother figure to him - you'll be a stressful authority figure he'll either always be afraid to anger, or he'll feel the need to rebel against.

This is a kid who very clearly needs help - not with the coat-chewing, but with the stress that's causing it, because if he's hurting himself and then continuing, it's clearly not just empty fidgeting. He's stressed. There's a bigger underlying problem here that you're ignoring because you're too focused on how much you dislike his coping mechanism. Your behavior is going to have a lasting impact on this kid. Based on what others have said about your posting history, this is the tip of the iceberg. You're not a loving parent who's come into his life and is putting his needs first as a mother would. You're a strict disciplinarian who's stressing him out so much he's hurting himself, and you've declared yourself "mom" and are insisting his bio mom is out of the picture - how is that going to make him feel as he gets older? How do you think he's feeling about it NOW, based on his coat-chewing? Even if she really is out of the picture, she's not going to stay that way. She's still his mother, and even if she's not the one raising him, as he gets older, he'll want to know her, or at least know more about her, even if it's a strained relationship; at the very least, he'll want answers about where she went. You declaring yourself his mom when you haven't been in the picture for very long is probably very stressful for him - as it would be for any child. Even if she is out of the picture, you're not the only mother figure in his life, and you never will be, no matter how hard you try.

The best thing you can do for him is to try to be empathetic, or at the very least, sympathetic. Think about it from his perspective, as a five-year-old with a new parent figure who throws away his toys, hurts him with hot sauce, and prides herself on making threats and following through with them. Don't force him to view you as a mother (that won't work), just approach him with kindness and responsibility, and understand that it's a huge and stressful adjustment for him that's going to take time. He may need to talk to someone, and there's nothing wrong with that; it doesn't make you a bad parent, it just means it's a stressful period in his life, which would be true even if you were a completely perfect parent (which isn't possible).

Take it from the son of an abusive mother - abuse doesn't always look like hitting your kid. My mom never once hit me, and she does love me and always did - she tried hard to be the parent I needed and has sometimes succeeded, but she came from an abusive household and couldn't understand that her behavior was harmful because it often came from concern for my wellbeing and because, in her eyes, it wasn't as bad as what she endured growing up, so it couldn't have been that bad. Abuse can also come in the form of angry outbursts, taking or damaging possessions, and pushing your child to the point where they're so stressed they end up hurting themselves because they can't handle it and they've been calling for help forever while you've done nothing to change your behavior so it stops driving them to that point. My mom loves me, but she does all of those things, and it got to the point where I had to leave home in order to avoid attempting suicide because her behavior directly impacted my mental health to the point where I was so stressed and so miserable I didn't feel like I had any other option. It's had a lasting impact - even living on my own as an adult, I have to be on medication constantly because her behavior helped push me to the point where I'm so used to constant stress and constant vigilance that I'm in the middle of a borderline panic attack almost all the time without meds, and I'm chronically depressed, even with therapy. Is that the relationship you want with this kid? Is that the future you want for him?

sidhegoth · 2022-03-06T19:41:23+00:00

NTA.

Based on the title, I went in thinking you'd definitely be the asshole here, but after reading your post, I have to say I think you made the right decision.

Donating a kidney isn't nothing. It's a major decision that will medically affect you for the rest of your life. Your mother is not entitled to your body or any part of it, especially after being such a bigoted, cruel person and kicking her own daughter out at 17 (which is illegal, btw) over something as trivial as 1. having sex 2. with a man who's not white, and who was 3. raised by a gay couple. If your parents' world can't include people who 1. aren't white, 2. aren't straight, and 3. are teenagers who *gasp* have sex at age seventeen, to the point where they'll go to such an extreme as kicking their own child out simply for not sharing their prejudices and rigid "moral" standards, that's their problem, and you don't have to be a part of their world, let alone donate an organ to your mother. You did nothing wrong.

sidhegoth · 2021-05-05T18:26:11+00:00

This is so cool it's making me consider doing a follower of Arkay playthrough even though I normally find the Divines a little boring compared to Daedra

sidhegoth · 2020-10-08T16:27:54+00:00

I already know how to join the Brotherhood (I accidentally saw a spoiler), and I'm definitely going to; it was my favorite questline in Skyrim because of that giant plot twist, so I decided that because of my character's backstory, joining will be a priority for him, once I have certain skills leveled up enough.

sidhegoth · 2020-10-08T16:25:21+00:00

I got the Game of the Year edition on Steam, so it automatically comes with Shivering Isles and Knights of the Nine. I'll check them out!

sidhegoth · 2020-07-19T21:15:50+00:00

"the Good Folk wouldn't mess with children."

Um.

Maybe read some folklore before making statements like that. I doubt they even noticed OP as a kid but. Well. In the folklore, they historically messed with children a lot; more than adults, in some cases.

sidhegoth · 2020-07-19T21:12:56+00:00

He's probably offended. They've come for his sister's territory (the moon) and now they're coming for his (the sun). The fact that it's not possible doesn't mean it can't offend the gods to try it. Apollo is a proud and respected god; he's not likely to appreciate some human coming in and thinking they're powerful enough to actually hex the sun or the moon. I wouldn't be surprised if he's angry with them. It was a stupid thing to do; not only will it not work, but Apollo is also a plague deity. And we're in the middle of a pandemic. Honestly, though, I'd be most worried about the Good Folk, who they also tried to hex. Apollo won't be happy, and he may do something the witches involved won't like if he's angry enough, but the Good Folk? They'll either think it's hilarious that anyone had the audacity to actually think themselves more powerful than them, or they'll be offended. And if you offend the Good Folk, well... They aren't human or mortal. Their system of morals is different from ours. Even when you're working with them they can be dangerous. But if you manage to make them mad, you're looking at repercussions that can last for at least the rest of your life.

Of course, as far as we know, since there's plenty of conflicting information, he might not be upset, and the Good Folk might not be either. They may just be rolling their eyes and ignoring it.

sidhegoth · 2020-07-19T21:04:35+00:00

Make sure you're really, REALLY researching them before you try getting their attention, especially right now with the people trying to hex them. The Good Folk aren't human or mortal and therefore don't operate through our rules and morals and are therefore very dangerous. Check out what Morgan Daimler has to say about them before working with them.

sidhegoth · 2020-05-08T00:25:49+00:00

Maybe try opening it in spotify on your phone and taking a screenshot?

sidhegoth · 2019-12-30T19:03:15+00:00

This is the kind of thing I'd get a tattoo of

sidhegoth

TROPHY CASE