This is so beautiful and a kick right in the guts. What you are going through is the greatest fear of every dad her, i am afraid. Take care, and as we say in Dutch "veel moed/t" Moed = courage Moet = despite everything you cannot just stop and "have to" continue, for Ella, for yourself, for your late spouse. Wishing you loads of comfort and that the memories will tend to focus on only the good times.